The phenomena you're describing aren't limited to religious groups. It's sociological. All peer groups exhibit the shared identity, collective support, and interdependence you describe.

I think you will find that we Agnostics and Atheists are pretty reluctant to force our beliefs (or lack thereof) on others.

H.sapiens is a social animal. It’s in our biology. So not having a group to belong to is also sacrificing a part of ourselves.

I’m not saying it’s not a dilemma - it is. I grew up in the Baptist church, and I am not a participating member of any church now. But I do remember that sense of belonging, and the material assistance during hardships, etc. It’s like being part of a larger family, that actually cares about your wellbeing.

The non-denominational churches like UU, etc. can replace some of that, but when you no longer believe the Great Overseer in the sky will be displeased if you don’t go, it’s hard to find the motivation to get up on Sunday morning.

I’m fortunate to have a solid connection with real family and friends (which I put some effort into maintaining) or I might be tempted... nah, I couldn’t do it! I would be uncomfortable pretending. But if a church existed that exalted philosophy and science, I very well might. Especially if you could wear jeans&tshirts!

No; fortunately, I had family that knew better, but have occasionally wondered how strong I’d have been confronting such wide-spectrum brainwashing. As is, I was allowed to view the multitude of religious insanity several steps back.

If what you miss was false, it seems the same as missing that time you were told some ‘santa’ was bringing you gifts for being good. Like missing a simpler time, which I think we all do. But if surrounded by a false perception of reality on a full-time basis, and accepted only because you’re willing to play into ‘their myth,’ that’s deception at an extremely unhealthy level.

Reality can be harsh … as well as comforting and beautiful. The best people I’ve found are often in the shadows, or, quietly enjoying the sunlight.. They’re there, with no more an agenda than leaving this planet a tad better for them having been a part of it.

I don’t know how one recovers from deep religion. I do know how one enjoys life. You follow your moral compass, connecting with those on a similar bearing. The depth of those connections are your choice. Beyond the biological responsibilities of procreation and nurturing, one is free to navigate life as they feel. Make it so ~

I walk that path, but don't tell me people never change.
Slavery was at one time normal.
Women couldn't terminate an unwanted pregnancy and couldn't vote.
The world and the people in it change.

So you regret swallowing the red pill. Tough. There's no going back.

You have transfered the mind set of the restorationist church of christ to say that all of us out side of a religion must have unchanging views. That is patently untrue. The ideas of religion are being changed by science all the time and eventually everyone will see that science is the way forward. Not that it is a religion but a method of getting as near to the truth as possible.

If you want communities of happy forward looking people who are not slaves to religion, look up and search out "Sunday Assemblies".

No, on the contrary, I’ve never been part of a religious group, either mainstream or a smaller sect or cult, so have never known the all encompassing feeling of being an insider.

Religions deliberately design it that way to create a dependency on the group, and to stamp out independent thought and action. That is how religions, and particularly smaller sects operate, they take a child and indoctrinate him and they create a dependency in that child, in the belief that their church or particular cult is special and those outside of it are to be feared as outsiders and disbelievers. The child is made to feel safe as long is they are obedient and stay in the group and follow the rules. When the child grows and becomes an adult, he either continues to accept the doctrines and rules or questions it, like you did, and leaves. Unfortunately what that leaves is a feeling of being cast adrift in a hostile world of outsiders. What you feel is natural, but the world is actually made up of millions of individuals, we are not all hostile, on the contrary, most people are quite approachable and friendly if you make the effort to reach out to them.

You don’t need to be part of a religious sect or group to experience a feeling of camaraderie or belonging, there are plenty of secular organisations, volunteer groups and hobby/sports clubs, which you can replace the need to feel part of a “family” with. I myself belong to a choir who are like family to me and it’s no sacrifice to give part of myself to the choir, quite the contrary, I find it enriching and extremely rewarding. The difference between belonging to a choir and belonging to a religious group is that there is no compunction for me to do so, and no guilt attached if I miss rehearsals. I do it voluntarily and purely for my enjoyment, and pleasure.

I also help as a volunteer in our local FoodBank and I find that a truly worthwhile and rewarding activity. It has also introduced me to new friends of all ages and walks of life. I’m sure something like that could replace your feeling of missing community.

No. I never really was in any group, or a belonging to groups type of person. I think that things like this site are the nearest I ever got to it.