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Getting over someone

I'm having difficulty getting over a previous relationship. What advice would you offer to heal a broken heart?

PenningtonCM 5 Apr 11
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10

I know parting ways with someone you harbored strong feelings for can be difficult, but it is rewarding to move forward with your life and get active in the dating scene again. In the meantime, involving yourself in hobbies and interests would also take your mind off of things.

8

I've been terrible at getting over women in the past. Like some have said, I would distract myself. Alcohol would often make it worse. I'm learning to focus on me a little: do things I love, be around people I know give a sh*t about me, listen to music till I fall asleep, write a song about the situation...whatever gets me out of the "why me" phase. I'm still working on it but it gets a touch easier as I get older. Being single the last 2 1/2 yrs helps as well haha!

8

You need to find an older guy to have some very wild meaningless sex with. The more sex the better. ?

Really? Take some time off from relationships and work on yourself. When you’ve recovered, look around. What you don’t want to do is jump into something else right away.

I would do that in my younger years. go have meaningless sex. it worked pretty well. but not now

7

You could try putting you feelings down in words. It may not seem to help much at the time but just think of all those songs about this subject (blues etc.). If nothing else it can help with closure and you get some writting out of it when the dust has settled

100% agree! Writing can be massively lethargic

100% agree! Writing can be massively cathartic!

7

As others mentioned, time heals and absolute NO contact rules work the best. Erase everything. Take time as much as you need. We go through the same stages in any traumatic event. 1 Dinial, 2.Anger, 3.Bargaining,4. Sadness, 5. Acceptance

Where are you at? I am going 4 and 5,back and forth and back and forth. But I feel I will be at stage 5 completely very very soon.

Sasha Level 4 Apr 11, 2018
6

To get over a man, get under a new one!

J/K! (Kinda...)

Really, though: time. Free of expectations, shoulds, shouldn'ts, self-recrimination, judgments. Don't put that on yourself, or let anyone else put that on you. None of that "I want to get over it as soon as possible; I'll do whatever it takes" or "You should be putting yourself out there" or "You're still hung up on so-and-so??". Just, no. That garbage will only make things worse.

Let time pass. Let your process unfold however it unfolds. Don't fight it. Accept your process. Dwell in the discomfort, if you have to (note I say "in" the discomfort, not "on"* it!).

Trust in time.

  • I assume we are all reasonable adults here who know that things like stalking and binge-drinking are not appropriate ways to process emotional challenges.
6

Time and patience with yourself

5

The heart wants what the heart wants. There are few remedies for being love sick. Good luck.

Luv sucks we all know it. Behaves just like the spoiled little brat kid who is a menace at social gatherings.

5

Wouldn't it be wonderful if their were some trick to just heal and move on?

Actually the only cure is time. Unfortunately, the amount of time isn't the same for everyone. How you spend the time can affect who miserable that time is though.

Distract yourself when you can. Stay busy, don't sit around and torture yourself. It's okay to grieve, and sorrow is normal as well as inevitable, but don't let it keep you down.

Good luck. Take care of yourself.

JimG Level 8 Apr 11, 2018
5

Remember the shitty stuff

Marz Level 7 Apr 11, 2018

really make a list of the crap you no longer have to put up with

5

Took me two years to get interested in dating again. That was from 1988. Most recent breakup was more like a celebration🙂 So each one is different.

5

Go out. Have a few beers. Hook up with someone. Enjoy your life and new freedom...

Yeah, about that. The "hooking up with someone" is not the easiest thing. Or maybe that's just me because I have a face like a dropped pie.

5

first accept that it's normal. If its recent then you haven't given yourself enough time to heal some people take longer than others. remember to not let it take over your whole life interfering with all the other good things in your life. and as cliche as this is it is true there are plenty of fish in the sea... it's called heartbreak for a reason. and sometimes that happens more than once..

I remember when I was younger when having a break up my mind could not stop making up reasons why does person didn't want to be with me anymore..Our mind makes up way worse scenarios and plays over and over in our minds..
if you have some girlfriends maybe spend some more time with him have a girls night out or a girls night in and don't even think about guys.

4

#1 don't rush into another one
#2 take the time to heal before you even start dating, analize what went wrong and what are your expectations of the other party you even want to date
#3 learn to love and know yourself

4

a big help for me was being really honest about The Break-Up and the reasons behind it. Honesty can sometimes be painful ,but you often find that there's a lot to be learned.

4

Ugh. It's never easy. Vodka helps, but that's really just a temporary measure.

Like others here, I'd suggest pulling back and regrouping.

I have recently reacquired the moon. It was a thing for me and the former love of my life. I couldn't see it without thinking about her. And now, it's mine again. But that took two years of hard graft, so none of this ever happens quickly.

On the other hand, you can survey the wreckage of the relationship, understand what you should and should not do in the future and apply that.

All Homespun 101 stuff, I know, but you just need to get that person out of your head.

......the Moon?

Was that a typo?

@GilesD he’s saying that the moon reminded him of the relationship up until recently. So before when he looked at the moon he couldn’t appreciate it; it was corrupted with memories.

@GilesD No, really. The Moon. We could be in two different places but we could look at the moon. A mutual reference point.

@DominicShaull Exactly!

a child's song." I see the moon and the moon sees me. The moon sees some body I want to see" My and I would do that. come to find out I liked him better when we had a long distance relationship. that's because he couldn't hit me that way

@squiggy_70 Copy that. And that is a sad story.

4

They say the best way to vey over someone old is you get under someone new...
Although it can be fun I don't think it works.
Try getting out with friends as much as possible. Also keeping a journal helped me. You can write everything you are holding in and it does give a bit of relief.
Best wishes to a speedy recovery on your heartache! ♡

4

It takes time. You're young and attractive get busy with friends, check out Meetup.com and keep busy.

4

Short term alcohol works, long term time is the only healer.

3

I went out and got laid. Made it alot easier.

3

My mom gave me good advice about that long ago. She said the best way to get over a broken heart is to find someone new.

3

Many a person might suggest that if you've never had your heart broken, then you haven't lived. I seem to remember that's it's a horribly painful experience that makes one terribly despondent and woefully unhappy whilst experiencing it. In hindsight, years later, many people feel that the process added to their if life experience in a positive way ultimately. People say that time is a healer. That's all the philosophical crap out the way 😉, but in practical terms, I think it helps if you distract yourself by embracing another passion, such as Sport, Work, Dancing etc, whatever floats your boat and allows you to see that there is life after love and life can be great fun and shit sometimes. It's that very experience of both sides of the coin, that gives you "perspective" and "contentment" in later stages of ones life. Good luck ?

3

Burning his things and cutting him out of your life helps. Like completely.

3

Drugs, alcohol, time, and someone else. You should probably just go with time and someone else.

3

Depends on you, the situation, and how those variables interact. You could write or talk about it, if that might help. Distract yourself from it. Just take some time alone to fully feel and process. Figure out what was good and bad in the relationship so that you can try to make sure your next one is better.
Maybe none of these things and you just slowly heal over time.

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