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Is it ever reasonable for a healthy but unhappy adult to commit suicide?

DISCLAIMER: After reading a couple of comments It's apparent some clarification is necessary. I am not contemplating killing myself. Life is interesting, and I don't see a reason to rush toward its inevitable conclusion. Frankly, if I were going to commit suicide, I wouldn't be posting this question online. Thanks. Now, back to my original follow up question.

Can suicide be a rational choice? For the purposes of this discussion, I have in mind adults who are not suffering a terminal illness.

ADistantShore 5 Apr 13
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49 comments

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14

Sure it can.

The rational calculus concerning suicide has to do with cost vs benefits, like any other such decision. If there is no quality of life, then suicide is potentially rationally justifiable.

Quality of life issues don't just come from terminal illness. They also come, for example, from incurable chronic illness, particularly with severe pain and discomfort that's not very responsive to palliative care, and from other things as well. Terminal illness in and of itself doesn't have anything to do with it; it's just that people find that more rationalizable because they can imagine themselves with a death sentence involving great suffering, and can forgive their imagined selves for wanting an out in that situation.

Finally there's the question of who has the right to determine the time and manner of their death. It seems to me that if the individual doesn't make that determination for themselves, then they are not truly free.

I knew someone who had a terrible illness that was incurable, but a signfiicant percentage of sufferers lived into old age. She had some complications in the mix that may or may not have ended up killing her. She was in terrible pain 24/7. What treatments there were, were making her family insolvent, helping very little, and caused problems of their own.

She went the "self-deliverance" route and ironically, I suspect that making that decision actually extended her life by a good couple of years. Being in charge of your destiny gives you more endurance actually. But eventually she did the deed (using a painless method described in the book Final Exit) and that was that.

I know that in the mix for this person's quality-of-life calculus were things like recurring disability reviews, the constant threat of financial insolvency, the inability to get out and do things or even to get out of bed eventually, the burden on her spouse as caregiver, etc. Some of these things could be addressed by our society if we had the will to do so -- a more humane disability process, particularly for so-called "invisible illnesses", a better social safety net for such folks, more research funding for "orphan" diseases where there's not a lot of prospects for making money off of treatments, etc. But the fact is, this person just didn't want to have any more experiences under circumstances which were not temporary or likely to improve much.

I'm glad she found the freedom and courage to do what she did.

In the work I used to do as a hospice volunteer I encountered folks like this. Any hospice supporter will readily tell you that the biggest problem they have is that people fight to stay alive to the bitter end and come into hospice a few days before their death, when they are often high on morphine and not really engaged anymore. It would be better if society had healthier attitudes towards death and dying, and could allow family members to enter hospice care months rather than days before their death, so they can be made comfortable, enjoy their families, get moral support, and die in their home or a home-like setting with good medical care and support.

Hospice care is not assisted suicide, but it's another form of self-determination around death that society under-utilizes and largely misunderstands.

In summation, I've come to the conclusion that our opposition to assisted suicide and our lack of appreciation for less assertive options like palliative care, come from unhealthy and unrealistic ideas about life and death and personal / patient choice around those issues.

I think anyone who is not asking because they are depressed or mentally ill, is an adult, and doesn't want to have more new experiences should be able to go that route. There should be some rules and safeguards but they should not be onerous.

Very well thought out.

I love your closing paragraph and agree with it.

11

My brother took his own life a few years ago (one of the main reasons I'm here now) and although I wish he didn't do it, I know that he was in severe emotional pain and him ending the pain was to him the right thing to do.

My best friend killed herself when she was 24 years old. My life completely changed since then and it took me many many many years to accept her choice. What made it harder for me was that her boyfriend said when he mentioned my name to her as she was dying in the bathroom --- she perked up and changed her mind and wanted to live again but the Rx drug was already in her system and the first ambulance never arrived. By the time the 2nd ambulance arrived and put her in ER, she was already dead. I discovered that Norplant (birth control inserted in women's arm) causes women's hormones fluctuate and triggers suicidal thoughts. She also may have had undiagnosed hypothyroidism which also makes a lot of people feel suicidal. My best friend struggled a lot in life financially, with her dysfunctional family who refused to sign with her (she was profoundly Deaf)... then I learned she was on anti-depressant drugs too and quit cold turkey. Not supposed to quit suddenly. So combining all these factors it really messed her up. I think had she told me directly she truly wanted to leave this planet physically... it would have given me a closure. Maybe that's selfish on my part...but her sudden suicide really threw me into this surreal black-hole unending deep grieving existence for YEARS. I thought we were going to grow old together in some country farm raising horses and gripe about our spouses and children over a cup of tea, etc. Struggling with depression myself due to unrealistic high cost of living and able bodied people not giving a damn to disABLE people... suddenly the table turned around on me. Now I understood how people want to stop the suffering... after struggling and struggling and STILL struggling... yeah.... it makes sense. But I have a new best friend now, I am committed in staying alive for as long as I can... no matter how hard life gets. As long as I have her, I'll stick around. So seeing both sides of the coin with suicide, I think I've come around to a full circle.

8

Yes - for any reason.

8

It is up to the individual. No one can judge another person's anguish or depression. If someone doesn't want to be here any longer that is for them to decide.

8

Sure.

You own your life.
You own your death.

8

Most people who attempt suicide don’t really want to die, they want the Pain to end. Whatever pain it is they are suffering from is more than they can handle.

7

Sure, no reason to stick around after you're done. I hope to end my life on my terms when I'm ready.

7

It's their life - it only matters that it's reasonable to them.

6

I believe that if someone has done all the living they want to do, in the 6th mass extinction event we are in, that if someone voluntarily decides they have had enough living, then they should have the right to choose how they want to end it. Quite frankly, the end is nearer than ever for us all and if someone would want to check out early, I totally get it.

6

Sure. Dunno if this is true, but I heard the CEO or whatever of this Chinese company that made tainted baby bottles--that ended up sickening (disabling? killing?) many babies--committed suicide from the shame of it. I would never want to take that freedom away from a person.

6

I had a stroke at 38 and was very happy there were guns in my house..I found them a source of comfort as an escape if I saw no improvement in my physical condition. Luckily, I am a tough bitch.
I do believe you can be in severe pain from thoughts as well, but I also believe that time is a great healer, and many have a mentality of either/or, especially if in any kind of pain....this may lead them to unnecessary actions.
I also believe one should have total control of one's body..........no blanket statements here.

6

I believe so, but it's not a popular opinion. To me it's like deciding that it's time to put down your dog, except that you get to make the decision yourself. I do think that you should take care to minimize the trauma to the loved ones that you leave behind.

6

That is for the individual to say.

5

I’ve been drawn to the Martin Manley suicide since I first heard about about four years ago. He was reasonably healthy at the time at age 60 but saw the writing on the wall for old age so he decided to cut out early before the day came he couldn’t take his own life if he wanted to. With no retirement set up at age 46 I can see that path as an option someday if the country continues down the road we are on now. Life has already lost some luster for me and on bad days I think about it. I just couldn’t do that to my parents but when they are gone I can’t say for sure I won’t be right on their heels. People reached a lifespan of two billion seconds around age 62. Might be a decent stopping point. It would make planning the future a lot easier too.

5

If a person is healthy in both mind and body and depression is due to circumstances and not a brain disorder, then I'll share what my mom taught me. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

The pursuit of happiness, my mom’s version when I was a kid.
Happiness is like climbing a mountain of snow, slipping and sliding, your feet and fingers go numb, your back and legs quiver with strain, you’re freezing cold, and your breathing is labored. Then you reach the top and climb on your sleigh and for a minute you have pure joy as you careened down to the bottom. Then you pick up your sleigh and do all again. That my dear is happiness.

Betty Level 8 Apr 13, 2018

I like this! Thank you for sharing!

4

This is only my opinion, it doesn’t have to be your truth. I believe if someone doesn’t want to be here on this planet that’s their business, and none of my business.

If I was in a position where I was required to stop it or inform authorities I would.

Otherwise, I feel it’s their choice. I’m not a mean person. I’ve been around enough people who have killed themselves and I never knew that they were going to. There was no indication that it was going to happen at all. And I’ve been around people who threaten to kill themselves all the time, and they never do. I know there are always exceptions to the rule, but so far my life it’s been very clear cut. No pun intended.

Copy that. The most rookie move is to start changing your behaviour and routine. No, if you want to get the job done, you have to be professional about it and do it right, no giveaways. Yeah, the whiners who are all talk are just that - all talk.

4

I’ve known a lot of people who’ve committed suicide. Some were close, others were acquaintances, and a couple were family. That being said, I have struggled with depression most of my life, and know very well the bottomless pit of despair that goes with it.

So when my friends did commit suicide, my heart went out to them. When I was a Christian, I often considered simply stepping off the planet and getting it over with. Hey, if I was going to be with God, I may as well get to the good stuff. The day I finally made up my mind that I was going to go ahead and do it, a thought hit me so hard that it kinda hurt: “What if the Buddha was right?” In other words, what if I had to come back and do it all over again. That kept me alive for a few years until I gave up on religion.

Where I think it’s most difficult is the family and loved ones we leave behind. One good friend took his life and left behind two kids and a wife. I knew his pain. We talked about it. I knew his wife, and I hated her. I knew his kids, (I think 7 and 10) and they were wonderful—messed up because of mommy and daddy’s relationship, and we talked about that at length as well.

He took his life in his car in their garage. For that I was angry. His wife came home and found him, the cops, ambulance, and coroner all came to the house, further traumatizing the kids. And that’s where my thoughts go. For years I simply assumed that my little sister was going to outlive me, but she had her husband to take care of her. Well he was one of the marines killed last July, and I find myself here for her sake.

I think we should try to avoid the decision when we’re feeling the worse, because that’s when we’re likely to make bad decisions in the first place. And I think we should find someone we trust, someone who won’t flip out on us—and will keep our conversation in confidence, and that also knows our family. They can appeal to our love for our family and possibly some options. And a good mental health practitioner. Not to talk you “out” of doing it, but—if nothing else—to avoid as much pain as possible.

4

At one time I would have said yes, we should all have that choice. Then one day my then teenaged daughter told me that she didn't want to be alive, she didn't ask to be here, she wanted to kill herself. I got her some help, and after two suicide attempts she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. She didn't accept the treatment offered to her, and to this day (she's now 22) is still adamant that she doesn't want to be here. She stays because it would destroy her twin if she ended it. What is a person to do with that?

There is only one thing to do and that is to get her into a BPD treatment facility or intensive (DBT) Dialective Behavioral Therapy. It is a disorder that can improve with age, but she needs to work out what got her there to begin with. It’s usually abuse or abandonment at an early age. There is help and hope. None of it will help if she’s not ready to talk about what happened. I am sorry, I know how difficult this is.

3

Deciding whether or not life is worth living is to answer the fundamental question in philosophy.

-Albert Camus

3

Depression/suicidal thoughts come in the guise of rational thought.

I think it can be an intellectual/philosopical question to ask.

@Sciencemama sure, but it won’t get you anywhere. Rationality has to serve humanity. I’m thinking of the trolley car problem where, if you replace the one person with a loved one, most people will opt to save the loved one and take the lives of several strangers. Maybe we can get some interesting insights from these sorts of philosophical questions. But most people, even if they decided it was the most rational thing to end their life, still won’t do it.

@OtisJesser some of us are not most people.

@Sciencemama that’s true. It would just take some convincing, for me, to think the world would be a better place if we were all able to be fully rational. Certainly more rational but, it seems to me, there are aspects of being human where we have to do the irrational thing, at times.

@OtisJesser Why do you say 'rationality has to serve humanity'? Isn't it more that those of us who care about the future of humanity hope that rationality will serve humanity.

@CeliaVL that’s true. After I had typed that out I wasn’t sure if that was the best way to phrase my thought.

3

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

ebdb Level 7 Apr 13, 2018

Some people feel that they have a permanent problem in a temporary setting (live), which can be solved with the permanent solution

3

I depends on what you consider to be reasonable. Yes, I think it can be reasonable to the person involved, though not neccessarily to others. Everyone has their own things to deal with, and apparently some people can't deal.

3

For them I guess it is, or else they wouldn't do it. Others however may say that they were mentally ill, that's something that psychiatrists decide.

3

It might be a rational choice to the person. What anyone else thinks of it is pretty irrelevant.
No one should be forced to stay in this life if they want out.
Yes, it's a selfish choice, but it's their's to make.

2

There are people who life has already asked way too much of and if they decide they've had enough, that's their right. Not all suffering is terminal and some of it isn't even physical but it is not my place to tell someone they must continue to suffer just because I don't understand their pain or glibly think that of course things are going to get better.
I've known a wife who decided to make it a dual suicide when her husband was dying of cancer, a dutiful son who had looked after his mother then when she died took his dream trip to Greece then came back and hung himself and a really nice guy who was everybody's best friend who just wanted his own family and after years of trying gave up, got his affairs in order and blew his own brains out. In all cases their reasons centred round loneliness or the fear of it and their actions were carried out methodically in a manner likely to cause the least inconvenience or distress after the event, letters to the authorities, wills in order, bills paid, the lot. None of them left family behind and as far as I can see all were totally rational.

Kimba Level 7 Apr 17, 2018
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