A man, destitute, poor with 3 young and hungry children, a wife who has left him to tend to those children, enters a Church and speaks to the Priest.
" Father, is it not true that to God a mere minute is a life-time to we mere mortals?"
"Yes, my child that is true."
" Then is it not also true that a miilion dollars to we mortals is but a mere dollar to God?"
" Yes, my child that too is true."
"Then Father, ask s the man, " Can God and this Church spare me just a few dollars that I may buy a few crusts of bread to feed my starving children?"
" My child," answers the Priest, " You must remember this IS Church it is by means a Charity."
"You must remember this IS a Church, it is by 'NO' means a Charity."
Another example of rejected jokes? I tried to fix with punctuation and by adding the necessary 'NO' to the punchline. Still not good but at least makes a little more sense..
Different religion, soviet communism. The story goes like this;
Back in the 1960s, an old man is told that he has to share his crummy 1 bedroomed apartment. Now all his life he had been a loyal worker, he had fought in peoples war against the nazis and all his life he has seen posters declaring "LENIN LIVES". So he determines to travel to Moscow and confront this Lenin guy.
Anyway, he gets there and goes to the Kremlin. He s met at reception by a nice young lady and he asks to see Lenin. She is perturbed and unsure of what to do. She dare not turn him away because he might be friends of someone high up in the party. He certainly is old enough. So she hands him off to her superior.
Her superior makes the same call and hands him off further up the chain.
This continues until he sits at the desk of a politburo apparatchik. Who tells him that unfortunately Lenin is dead and cannot help him keep his tiny flat to himself.
"But the poster says "Lenin lives" what's that all about then?"
"Ah comrade, Lenin lives in the spirit of self-sacrifice that continues to make the USSR the workers paradise that it is. Do you see?"
"Yeah, I get it now. When you want him he lives but when I need him he is dead"
Punchline landed like a lead zeppelin.
Led Zeplin had better drumming.