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POLL The price of being single |

Great article. I've been single, married, and single again so will weigh in on this: I love being single.

I, too, prefer to be single

  • 12 votes
  • 15 votes
  • 0 votes
rainmanjr 7 Feb 14
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11 comments

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1

I was single while being wedded. It is referred to as an open marriage. We negotiate the terms & keep the benefits that government & law bestows. No children were involved. Number 1. Separate living arrangements a must. Number 2 Number 3 each is beneficiary to the other. Number 4 no sexual obligation. Worked for 21 years. He was a odd a man as I am a woman. Few men would agree to what we found natural. I would never have married save for the benefits. Thusly gay folks, mixed raced couples, mixed religious couples had to have legal access to a marriage certificate.

2

men are not meant to be monogamous!

spread the seed gents even if its blanks

i think itd be hard to wake up to the same person daily and having to accept all the negative traits of that person

the implications alone can eat ur brain

be careful out there tom u seem susceptible

I asked this question in the Ask Men Anything Group & received insipid answers. You being an expert in this arena perhaps you might address why men are so preoccupied with seed spreading. The gonads doing the thinking perhaps?

well i can tell u this first off

its biology

i don't know what insipid is

and ur gonads = balls? comment was something i knew youd say cuz u re indeed female but

since ur my only followers i would hug it out if u wanna k

1

I was with my late wife from 1995 to 2015, when we were medically separated because of her dementia getting bad enough that we had to live apart until her death two years later. I kept visiting her regularly after we had to live apart. Before her dementia began in 2011, those 16 good years with her were the best years of my adult life and I still cherish them. I also still have a strong memory of how much I was getting tired of being single the last several years before I met her. So I have a clear picture and plenty of data to go on in seeing how much better my life was with my wife than before her as well as what my life has been like as a widower for really the last five years, after she was already gone for the most part from the dementia.

Sorry

@rainmanjr Thank you. I've been done grieving for a few years now. The challenge is finding love again, which is the ultimate step in moving on. I saw and experienced some really bad stuff, as did she, in her last years. I want to get on with enjoying companionship and getting the opportunity to love again. Limited success so far, with only a six month relationship that ended with Covid. Ready to try again this summer with Match.

5

Most coupled women I know, stay in their relationship for financial reasons, with a weird kinda of love for their “man”. I know very few who are happy. Being a boomer we are fed that dream of meeting your prince, who will have your back and work with you toe to toe and fulfill his dreams. It took eleven years to unpack that crap. I am so thankful I ditched all the jerks that came into my life back then and even more thankful I could afford to financially. I haven’t dated in five years and doubt I’ll ever date again. 😃💕🇨🇦💕.

Glad you’re happy 🙂 sounds good.

6

Never been married but I'm generally happy being single and living alone. If it ain't broke don't fix it.

I wouldn't marry again, but probably because I'm too old to be bothered!

4

C'mon! There's more sadly I'm nots! Cowards! Being single is way cheaper if you're happy with it. If you're not happy with it, that can get expensive in regards to "the cost" of being single.

I would argue; not in the UK, but really am not that motivated to do the maths. A one bedroom flat is £700 in my area, whereas a 3 bedroom house is less than a thousand, for example. Our compulsory council tax is hefty, you get a 25% reduction if single, but in a shared home it’s still likely to be less.

@girlwithsmiles That sounds like encouraging people to have families.

@barjoe I’m not sure if it’s that thought out, they probably just charge what they can get away with. But share houses are pretty common, it’s quite a compromise though. It’s much easier being single in Aus. Plus in the UK it’s illegal to sublet if you’re a tenant. In Australia that’s not an issue, so easier to just have one person share, which is manageable. In the UK the landlords running share houses like all possible space utilised usually.

2

I have married for religion, then for money, then for sex, then for selfless love... all went badly.

Everyone has their own interpretation of what everything is and what everything means, but we all run around acting as if it's all the same. It's not.

The only way a marriage can continue is if at least one person is willing to sacrifice their dreams and who they really are deep inside and be the agent representing the other person's dreams. Those are the great marriages, the "great institutions" of our country, which typically evolve to the two becoming increasingly distanced, symbolic, and business-like, often with at least one of the two having much rumored affairs, which never alarm the other person.

It takes very special people to find that kind of life fulfilling. I will never be one of those. Call me free spirit. Piss on other peoples expectations and their stupid opinions... 😊

People discriminate for every possible difference under the sun: Not from around here. Pronounces words funny. Doesn't act "mature". Doesn't attend services regularly. Sets the trash can on the wrong side of the drive. Doesn't have the correct degree. Has no common sense. Has too many degrees. Nobody can talk with them. Talks about others all the time. Talks about the wrong people. Has too many kids. Doesn't have any kids. Doesn't pay enough time with the kids. Spends too much on the kids. Spends too much on golf. Doesn't have a nice car. Can't take care of anything. Cuts the grass too short. Uses too much fertilizer. Doesn't care about the environment. Is a tree huggger. Drives a gas hog. Drives a "foriegn" vehicle. Always out in the yard. Never comes outside. Works nights, sleeps in the afternoons.

Who cares!

I respect your experience and you have the right to your opinion, but I disagree with your analysis and assertion that all great marriages have to come down to one person being the sacrificer and the other being the fulfilled recipient. I suggest there is another way, in which both people compromise and sacrifice for the good of the relationship and each other. My marriage was truly a partnership between us until she got dementia, because that is what we both wanted going into it and we were both stubborn and strong enough to ask for what we wanted from the other and hold our ground about getting it. Marriage can be whatever the two people want it to be and are willing to work for and agree on. I hope I am not considered to be too idealistic or unusual, but that was my experience during the good years we had.

@TomMcGiverin

I respect that, but I have not yet been able to find satisfaction that way... perhaps I want too much and single is how I should have it.

@EarnestEccentric To each their own.

4

It is difficult being single. On top of the money made by single men being less, women often make less too. The last time I was single I was a boarder simply so I could have a decent standard of life.
I’m very fond of my partner, but for the first time ever, with frozen wage rates and inflation not doing the same, I’m struggling to be a self funding single woman.
The wages are much poorer in the UK, (than Australia), and rents take up a much larger percentage of your wage.
It certainly is a factor in living with a partner in the UK, I only once lived with a partner in Aus. and was much happier having my own space.
Then there are couples’ rail cards 2 4 1 meals and buying in bulk being cheaper. Why should singles pay double? So many messed up examples of single people being discriminated against.

4

If you prefer being single, you are doing relationships wrong.

"Doing it" wrong??? Possibly but not necessarily. All relationships require compromise. They also require cooperation from each involved party. If a couple's wants and needs are too different to begin with, no amount of an individual "doing it right" will make up for the mismatch. The sacrifice will then be more substantial than the reward. I am enjoying my divorce tremendously.

Sure companionship is nice too, but not at the cost of heavy, lopsided compromise. If I happen to find the needle in the haystack who wants me, is appealing to me, and only needs modest compromise for both of us, then I'm game. But not having crossed paths with such a great match does not mean we're doing something "wrong." I'd much rather be alone than be pressured to change myself or deny my wants.
So I reject your blame game, respectfully.

relationships are tricky and come in many forms you don't have to live together to be in one and you don't have to pledge to be faithful
we all need some kind of interaction
personally I don't want all the bullshit that goes with a traditional relationship
I don't wanna cook or clean or do laundry for anyone but myself other than holidays and I don't want his opinion about how I spend my money or about my opinions or what makes him happy

@1BrentMichael I love being single. I admit it wasn't great during lock down but otherwise me, myself and I get along great. I do relationships wrong? Okay.

Bah, humbug

@MikeInBatonRouge

MikeInBatonRouge for President! 😎

@whiskywoman

I wish I had a neighbor like you...

@EarnestEccentric I sm fun
use to climb the fence out back and walk over his bridge over a creek to visit one of mine
he did many nice things for us and I did a few for him lol alas he is gone and my fence climbing days are way over

@EarnestEccentric Oh PLEASE don't punish me with that!
I'd take an advisor position, though. Would have fun as an anti-KellyAnn! Lol

6

Control of the remote,what/when /where i eat/sleep/wear/go. No ghastly "relationship" talks, no passive-aggressive BS, nothing but blessed peace for the first time in my life!

it is glorious.

1

I imagine people who say they like being single more don't actually mean totally single.

I do.

@rainmanjr No dates, no contact with other people in any romantic capacity, at all, ever?

being totally single doesn't mean you don't wanna fuck you just don't wanna fuck one person and if you do you don't wanna all the time
it does not preclude dinners or dancing its about relationships of forever after

@whiskywoman This is why I made the distinction with a 'totally' modifier. Being single, especially during the pandemic, has meant for a lot of people the type of single I'm talking about. It's awful.

@JeffMurray there are ways we just have to be more careful

@whiskywoman There may be some lifestyles that haven't been interrupted in certain areas, but I'm talking about the ones that have.

@JeffMurray In my case the modifier fits. I am a rock is how I’ve come to feel🪨 People have done nothing but disappoint or abandon me so I no longer need them. Not saying everyone must be like me but nor should we have to put up with relationship exuberance and discrimination.

@rainmanjr The only thing I can see giving life any value is having someone to share the highs and lows with. If I had a crystal ball that let me know I'd never find someone I'd kill myself tomorrow.

@JeffMurray meet up at brunch, or karaoke, or a dance, If we ever get to do any of that stuff again, or take turns helping with the garden, or reinstalling a stairway, or whatever......

@AnneWimsey I don't think I understand. I don't have anyone to do any of that stuff with...

@EarnestEccentric I don't think that would in any way be a substitute. Porn or prostitutes would only serve to exacerbate loneliness (I assume) as you would have the knowledge that you have to pay someone to be with you and you'd know they don't want to be there. I don't need that in my life.

@JeffMurray Porn is good but I don't do prostitutes. My hand is fine and free.

@rainmanjr Your hand can't keep you company on a trip to Jamaica. I mean, it'll be there, but it's probably not much of a conversationalist.

@EarnestEccentric Yeah, I don't think you're getting my point...

@JeffMurray describing the type of relationship i would treasure! Maybe an overnight included now & then

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