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Why are you a loner?

If you are, why do you think that is?

I find people to try my patience. I prefer to not be around them as I might just say something that would not be either kind or helpful.

Also, and maybe more of the reason, I think I am just too much for most people. I am strongly opinionated, loud, foul mouthed, outgoing (pushing the limits), adventurious (always ready to change things up), and just don't want to take crap from people. I believe this is more common for women of a certain age. And part of the reason I have not been able to secure a good job.

And maybe just a tad bit insecure and worried what others think or feel about me. I keep a buffer.

What are your reasons.?

Akfishlady 8 Apr 17

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40 comments

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1

Because I have mastered chaos and when ever I think I got something under control the ideas explore like a hydrogen bomb on steroids.

8

I'm comfortable beign alone but I'm not a loner. I just choose who get the benefit of my time carefully...

8

When I was very young, I made friends with "the weird girl" in my class; she was essentially my only friend until high school.
We went to a very small grade school--so we were in class with basically the same 20 or so kids, K-6. Everyone else treated us like social lepers. No one would talk to us. I learned that roughly 19/20 of my peers would choose being cruel to those who are different--in order to save face--than risk losing social standing. I was confused by this at first but quickly became resolute in my understanding that it's wrong--and I wanted nothing to do with those shallow, vain, cowardly peers.

Since I observed but never talked to the majority of my peers, I both learned and failed to learn much about people that others typically don't. I failed to internalize many common social taboos, inhibitions, and values. I knew that my peers wouldn't like me, so I avoided them. This, of course, only made things worse.

I was bullied by an entire middle school, and ended up changing schools because of it. I was catnip for bullies in high school. I was often the butt of jokes. I gritted my teeth and bore it, under the presumption that things would get better once I and my "peers" were all adults.

I couldn't have been more wrong. I found myself ostracized and made the butt of jokes in college as well.

Bullying and ostracizing are not things that people "outgrow". Adults are worse, because they're more prone to dissembling: more likely to be polite to your face, and gossip about you behind your back; more likely to engage with you for the purpose of sabotaging your status, rather than avoiding or ignoring you outright.

I am unabashedly intellectual, and have internalized no checks on my speech in that regard. There's a social inhibition I missed: She thinks she's better than us. She's trying to make us feel bad by sounding so smart on purpose.

I am slender, and look younger than my age. I don't even have to open my mouth for women to hate me.

I skateboard. This evidently causes many people in my community (particularly women, and older folks) to experience shock, disgust, and consternation. For many women around my age, it's seething hatred.

I don't talk to people, and avoid social contact as much as possible: She thinks she's better than us.

I flatly refuse to participate in many social games, which freely telegraphs my lack of regard for typical social status hierarchies--amd threatens those who are bound up in them.

Aside from all that, I find that most people are either simply not terribly interesting to me, or they're caught up in BS with which I do not care to associate (e.g. not saying what you mean, not being your authentic self, self-delusion, status games, competition, etc.). Many of the normal human foibles people take for granted (because they learned them unconsciously, by osmosis, from a young age) are utterly alien and intolerable to me, due to my lack of early socialization.

TL;DR: People don't like me; I let them.

@irascible TYVM šŸ™‚

I experienced a Renaissance of sorts in my twenties, during which I "came out of my shell" and got more comfortable being myself and reaching out to people--still ignorant of many of the ways people are...then the shell snapped violently shut, a few years later, after I learned some things the hard way. Now I know for sure that I would rather be alone than play society's reindeer games; I tend to bring out the worst in people just by being myself; and my heart is uncommonly tender.

For all that, I regard my experiences as a great blessing and I would not trade them for anything: I have an uncommon perspective, I can small BS a mile away, I am a keen observer and interpreter of human nature, and my tender heart is enourmous with compassion. Really, I'm the lucky one. šŸ˜€

8

Most people are morons with shit music taste

7

I've always been a bit of an introvert and shy, socially awkward. And growing up poor, plump, and smater than most of my classmates didn't help, and the witch from hell that my dad married after my mom died thought we shouldn't have any life after school hours besides working. Since I was 19 I have moved over 20 times. I joined the Army out of HS to get the hell out of my dad's house. I went from over protected to wild and crazy. Then I married to a service member and got out of the service, and became a stay at home mom. The military while overseas and then having kids in elementary school and churches gave us our social life. And becasue we did move frequently it meant we lost friends at the same time. Once out of the military community I learned that cliques still exist, adults can be cruel as ever, and I was usually an outsider. Depression didn't help. I was glad when the kids were no longer in scouts or sports, or school activities. So post divorce, living alone, my kids are most of my social life. I keep to myself at work, most of my co-workers are younger than me. I don't like noisy places and I'm cheap so I avoid the cafeteria, and usually eat at my desk. I've made some acquaintances at work, ladies my age. I have a friend from a fomer job that we schedule time together, but they keep changing her schedule. I have a meet up group of Humanists that I attend some meetings. If I need a social activity I can find it, but for the most part, I am resigned to my own company. With my baby girls Zelda and Xena I have great witty conversations, a tad one sided but whatcha gonna do. I am content with the status quo, or I tell myself I am.

People change when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing. I'm not to the point of changing anything yet.

7

I don't particularly like people...they are annoying

7

I'm a loner because I'm uncomfortable in large social gatherings, I'm shy, I don't make friends easily, I'm introverted, and I'm somewhat anti-social. I have a handful of friends but most I only see once every few months. I don't really consider any of my co-workers to be friends because I know that if I were to ever leave that job I'd never hear from any of them ever again.

6

Introvert by nature.
Selective of friends.
Self-reliant to a fault.

6

Because most people are selfish assholes lol

6

I am not a loner by nature but being homeless has made me much more cautious with who I talk to/engage in conversation with than I used too. A lot of it has to do with the quality of people I am surrounded by most of the time at the moment. The mental stability of many of the people around me is suspect at best and their reaction just to someone saying "hi" can be extreme. My 'radar' for seeing those things in others has been heightened, but not always more acuratly. Once my life returns to some sort of normality I think I will be the more 'outgoing' that I used to be.

6

I find social interaction tiresome, largely pointless and often unhygenic.
I chooses my friends carefully and stick with them, other people are at best tolerable.

5

I used to socialise a lot, but in recent years I have grown to realise that there are very few people that can be relied on and very few people that are honest and the two qualities very rarely coincide. Perhaps I'm just too cynical?

Paradoxically, I don't want people to rely on me because I feel that I will let them down. Having said that I do try to help people, so long as they don't rely on it.

5

Iā€™m more of an introvert than a loner. I have a few close friends Iā€™m really relaxed and myself around. They are all I need. I feel most people are kind of mean. They bitch about each other behind backs and I wouldnt want that kind of fake friends. So I find I am not my true relaxed self around the judgmental mean usually religious people and would rather be alone than spend time with them.

5

I tend to be very sensitive to other people's energies. As a result, I often get exhausted and overwhelmed when I'm around too much energy, and need to be alone to decompress.

5

Societal norms and institutions just don't work for me. It is as if the whole of human society is foreign to me. A real 2 way conversation is almost unknown in my day to day physical world. I go, if there are people I say what they expect to hear up to a point, I say what I need to tell them as much as they want to know, ie the bare minimum for their needs as their interests are too flakey.
People do not listen, they ask a question say about sports or celebrities, of which I know nothing, have zero interest. I tell them I have no idea, yet through a conversation they keep asking me questions on the topic. I just can't engage.

5

I just am. I'm not sure why. There are times when I like company, but many more when I don't. When I say "company", I don't mean a mass of people.

5

I have my ideas of what my goals are and how I want to get there. I find it burdensome to have to minimize myself to not hurt feelings or what ever emotional reaction someone may have with me. If I am footing the bill, which has always been the case, I can't see a lot of reason to compromise my goals for someone else's feelings which I have done. That didnt make me feel good about myself and I feel bad when it seems someone has constant input into how they think I should be behaving. I am not inclined to hurt people so I keep to myself.

5

I've been through a lot and the only constant has been being pretty sure I'd make it past the shit for better or worse. I like people but have found they go away or in some cases are taken away, so that self reliance has served me well.

5

I do my best work, alone, where my mind is free from the clutter of other people's lives. We all need some alone time! And it's OK to take itšŸ™‚

4

I loved this peom by Irene McLeod at 11 and don't think I've changed much in some ways, I've always marched to the beat of my own drum and a few awesome individuals understand that beat.

I'm a lean dog, a keen dog,
A wild dog and lone,
I'm a rough dog, a tough dog,
Hunting on my own!

I'm a bad dog, a mad dog,
Teasing silly sheep,
I love to sit and bay the moon,
And keep fat souls from sleep.

I'll never be a lap dog,
Licking dirty feet,
A sleek dog, a meek dog,
Cringing for my meat.

Not for me the fireside,
The well filled plate,
But shut door and sharp stone
And cuff and kick and hate.

Not for me the other dogs,
Running by my side,
Some have run a short while,
But none of them would bide.

O mine is still the lone trail,
The hard trail, the best,
Wide wind and wild stars
And hunger of the quest.

4

Fear of pain. Too old. Too much hurt already. When I was young I just used women for sex. Maybe I got what I deserve. Also, I beleive learned ftom my mom. Wish she would have got therapy.

4

I'm not part of most peoples bullshit

4

Social anxiety prevents me from letting people get close, I start looking for excuses not to hang around them.
I find most men to be obnoxious assholes with whom I have very little in common. I get along with women much better, I can share more with them.

4

Because I'm a horrible person and everyone hates me šŸ˜€

Jnei Level 8 Apr 17, 2018
4

I'm a loner not necessarily by choice. I'm a giving person but I guess I come across as mean. I say what's on my mind and don't sugar coat. Some people don't like that. It's easier to not get involved in making friends so I won't, yet again, be pushed aside.

4

"I am just too much for most people. I am strongly opinionated, loud, foul mouthed, outgoing (pushing the limits), adventurious (always ready to change things up), and just don't want to take crap from people" - we really need to go out and get drunk together.

Jnei Level 8 Apr 17, 2018

can I come?

@btroje Of course! šŸ™‚

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