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How do you reply when someone negatively comments on your body?

"You need to eat more." This from a sedentary man who showed up fifty lbs. heavier than his photos. In his profile, he claimed to love hiking. But admitted he hasn't really hiked in three decades. I recoiled at his fuzzy yellow teeth. Looks like he doesn't floss or brush enough.

Yesterday he took me out to dinner for our first meet.

"I am tired of people telling me to eat more," I replied. "I eat four small, healthy meals a day."

"Are you familiar with weighlifting body types?" I asked. "Ectomorph, mesomorph, endomorph. I have an ectomorph body type: high energy, fast metabolism, small frame, small bones, low fat and a hard gainer- muscles and weight. I have been slender all my life."

He chose a new-to-me expensive restaurant. Total: $100. In addition to our entrees, he had wine (not me) and an appetizer I didn't like.

I gave him $25 in cash. He wouldn't accept more. Also brought him Rainier cherries from the farmer's market that morning. He was thrilled.

I told him our lifestyles are too different. We parted amicably.

LiterateHiker 9 June 20
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43 comments (26 - 43)

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3

I think I mentally take a step back to see if it was malicious or not. Then if not I try to see where they are coming from. I had one woman tell me I needed to wear more mascara. She had fake eyelashes that look extremely fake so I could understand her wanting to project herself on other people so she wouldn’t stand out. I didn’t feel that she was a close friend that I could be honest with so I just said sure to change the subject. She also worked at one of those spas so she was trying to drum up her depleted business. I think Tiger Woods’ dad said it best when dealing with racism, it’s not my problem, it’s theirs. Overall I think it would matter at what level you hold their opinion. If it’s someone you’re starting to date and they’ve got some commercialized version of the perfect woman then I think I would just ditch them. If it was my relatives or close friends, I would correct them and say that’s a dated view and when are we going to move past judging women by their looks instead of their minds.

2

Oh hey I just saw this. What a great picture. You know I have really gotten to the point, just sometimes mind you. I turn and walkway. I don't even respond. I never communicate with people again when they cross a line. And that is jumping over a line, in my opinion.

2

I used to be surrounded by people who do nothing but criticize--- family, 2 ex wives, employees, the male population in general. Key words: Used to be.

What's your point?

twill Level 7 June 26, 2021
2

I had a husband who did that for 17 years. And he wondered why I wouldn't get undressed if he was in the room.

Deb57 Level 8 June 23, 2021
2

You look fine to me.

2

Pretty arrogant ... You obviously live a VERY healthy lifestyle as your posts so beautifully reflect. I have the same physical issues with weight and muscle mass and have learned to pretty much ignore people who "think they know my body better than me" ... I mean REALLY? You are not the problem or the issue and the way you handled it was very mature and "bloody well controlled". Just keep doing things the way your doing them. Hopefully you will find the right person to compliment you.

@phoenixone1

Thank you!

2

I've gotten up and walked out on comments similar to that. The one that asked me 15 minutes after meeting if I would grow my hair back out for him was one of those. They don't know you, what gives them the right to act like that to another human being? Sorry you endured that, girl....but, remember, it's a reflection on them, not you!

2

I think you were very diplomatic. I would have not been so. Why oh why did you give him money? Was he not the one who asked you out? You need to stop going out with these horrible men and start loving yourself.

@Jolanta

What makes you think I don't love myself? Au contraire.

He was great on the phone. With online dating, I learned not to get twitterpated over a man before meeting. Nothing is real until we meet.

My ex-husband and I split mutual costs evenly. Old habits die hard.

2

The last guy I went out with asked me how much I weighed, and even went so far as to guess my weight. I am about 15 pounds overweight, but am fit at that level, with plenty of exercise. I haven't spoken to him in nearly a month.

15 pounds?! That's nothing, especially if one is healthy and fit. I would have told him to f&ck off and left.

2

While I'm overweight it's moderating while my body heals from injury and gleutin intolerance , frankly your figure is perfect

bobwjr Level 10 June 20, 2021

@bobwjr

Thank you, Bob. I appreciate you.

@LiterateHiker Actually you are awesome before my injuries, multiple, I ran and walked easily. Combination of old service injury ( helicopter hard landing ) cortisone injection is helping.

2

Ignore. It's just an opinion.

2

Most women would love to be as thin as you are.

BD66 Level 8 June 20, 2021
1

To be honest, I don't like it when someone criticizes or comments on someone's body. After all, as we say, my body is my business. Therefore, to all those commentators who have a negative attitude to my case, I calmly give them the bathroom scale and say, watch your weight and body better than others. Each person is individual and no one has the right to evaluate anyone, the main thing is to love your body and accept it as it is. Psychologists and nutritionists can help with this if you have any problems with self-esteem or you want to change your body. However, no one else even dares to speak ill of your body.

1

I don’t react at all to give them the satisfaction. Life is too short to get caught up in its micro aggressions.

1

I don't body shame and personally, I don't think I'd care if someone tried to body shame me.

1

There are two mutually opposed ways of interacting with people: imposing your own views, values and prejudices on the other person, and seeking to understand the other person's views and values (and prejudices if any).

That your date was the former style and you parted company on amicable terms is a tribute to your great ability to always treat other people extremely respectfully.

My own reaction matches that of @dalefvictor .

1

5'11", 180 pounds, age 67, passed VA PHYSICAL 2 days ago.... Ain't happening!!!

0

i bet he paid for ur meal

and look where he is

attention is ur currency

i tell it how it is

@HeADAkE

"I tell it how it is" is an excuse for being mean.

He chose an expensive restaurant: new to me. Total: $100. In addition to our entrees, he had wine (not me) and an appetizer I didn't like.

I gave him $25 in cash. He wouldn't accept more. Also brought him Rainier cherries from the farmer's market that morning. He was thrilled.

@LiterateHiker He was mean to you. Telling him he was mean and ending the contact is an appropriate response

@Healthydoc70

Thank you. I appreciate you.

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