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Is it weird not to believe in marriage?

I have thought about this a lot. As far as I've read we r not a monogamous species. Also why the contract? I understand if there's some financial reason. But why is a connection needed to be bond by a contract? I envy my gay bros who have intimate sexual relationships. I'm sure some straight people feel similar. The nuclear family model seems doomed. A community of loving people can raise loving kids yeah? Well just been on my mind. Input would be cool

robertvc 3 Apr 8
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13 comments

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1

I am assuming that you mean you don't believe marriage is right for you. If course I believe in marriage. i can see it's a thing. I agree that, as a species, we may not have been meant to be monogamous, but there are a lot of very practical reasons to have one partner at a time, and those work best for me. At this point, though, I have way too much emotional baggage to sort out on my own to want to inflict any of it upon a partner, so alone is my best choice.

Deb57 Level 8 Apr 12, 2022
1

Looking at the 3 marriages that have gone the distance in my family:
2 sisters and my parents. All three over or around 50 years now
NONE of the 3 win any awards for happiness or joy.

Only one of us 4 boys is married. I guess they are a happy couple, 25 -30 years married? . IDK.
We don't talk anymore. I never liked his Evangelical TexASS calling me stupid, communist, LibTard and whatever political slur his Alex Jones loving TexASS can throw my way.
He's ALL hers as far I'm concerned....God bless 'em

twill Level 7 Apr 9, 2022

Your brother sounds like a real and typical conservative ass, so I would, like you have, drop contact with him. Just because people share blood with you, that's no reason to let them disrespect you and be in your life. Sounds like we grew up in similar families.

3

I believe in marriage, as it can be a very good thing, lending a layer of comfort and security to a relationship and family, BUT I feel strongly that it's not for everyone.

I perform weddings for a living - and I make sure the couple are both on board with the vows they are making to each other. Wish someone had done that for me.

Some of my couples are realistic with their expectations of each other and themselves - with some not actually not promising "til death do us part" even though that is their intent. Some have been married before and they are wiser now and perhaps have broken a vow in a past marriage, and don't want to risk that again but want to try their best.

Yes, a community can raise children, but there is security in the intact nuclear family living under one roof - when that's not possible - other caring adults can surely step in - but it's been my experience that a special aunties or uncle who gives that extra special attention and are a constant in the child's life is more important than a group of less involved people. Just my two cents.

Marriage isn't for everyone, that is for sure. It's almost sad that it is an expectation of all "marriage age" people, and that individuals are sometimes pitied or shamed for not seeking marriage, or not feeling that kind of commitment for someone. It should be okay to be free and self responsible.

That is not to say people can't be happy in a mutually committed relationship with or without marriage. I see very happy couples getting married and also many celebrating 50+ years of marriage. Not all couples are happy being married that long - those are not the ones celebrating their anniversaries. 😉

Oh, and just as an aside, it wasn't all that long ago that Hawaiian communities kept their males and females in separate houses, with the village raising the children along with the mother. Perhaps it wasn't always known who the fathers were, so they all taught the young men the skills they would need to help provide for the village. Seemed to work well -- marriage was reserved for royalty only back then.

Then I've also heard stories of kids raised in communes with no real stability but there were likely strange beliefs going on in those places.

0

Ummmm, what? So not necessary, and we have all heard of people who lived happily together for very long times, (like many years) then got married, and then got divorced 2 or so years later...

1

My 2nd long term relationship was POSSLQ. She didn't want to get married for valid reasons. For me it doesn't matter but I have great health insurance, and this might be of benefit for another.

4

Definitely not. Just look at the statistics of divorces .Of the ones that are married a long time many will admit it was not always a pleasant journey along the way.I have been married 39 years and learned a long time ago you must ( as another member mentioned In his comment) be willing to compromise.Your core principles and morals must be aligned for a marriage to succeed as they are in mine .

Yes it definitely take some compromise to be married to a religious woman who pressures you to go to church with her even though I’ve repeatedly said I don’t believe. She says she’s going to pray for me. 🤪

The core principles, values, morals, and even most of your goals, need to be aligned for a marriage to succeed. After that is aligned, it comes down to regular compromise in order to succeed.

3

It takes TWO people to be married.
It only takes ONE to be divorced. 😛

8

32 years and going strong. We’re a good team. We still make each other laugh and feel appreciated. I’m lucky. It’s nice knowing she’ll always be there. It’s not for everyone. If you can’t compromise, don’t get married.

I can compromise....Until I can't anymore because I am the only one compromising!

But seriously, Good for You and your wife. I Sincerely mean that

@twill it takes 2 sincere compromisers.

8

It’s a personal choice of course, but I don’t believe it’s doomed, even if less people are choosing to marry and just decide to live together, with or without a civil contract. Though widowed for 12 years now, in my case I married and was happy to do so because I wanted to be officially united with my husband as a single unit, and to take his name and give the children we subsequently had the security of that family name and unit. It also made life simpler when it came to the legal aspect of joint property ownership and inheritance …although that consideration never entered our heads when we decided to be married. I do understand that marriage doesn’t suit everyone, although I believe for a wife and any offspring, it probably brings a greater degree of security and legal protection than it does for a husband.

Marriage is much more than just about sex, if thats the only basis a marriage is built on then it will surely be doomed to failure over time. Regardless of an official marriage contract or not, a degree of personal commitment is essential for any relationship to work, and the vows you make to each other are always going to be more important than a mere piece of paper.

6

Nope.

It’s overly romanticized to be something it’s not. It’s essentially a business agreement. There may be love, but often that fades and you’re basically roommates who may or may not have sex, and who may or may not even like each other anymore.

Getting divorced is when you see marriage for what it really is. It’s ridiculous that society makes marriage this massive life goal.

My bf and I are profoundly in love. We’ll never get married.

3

Absolutely not. The institution of marriage was a necessary formality when the govt rules, regulations had not caught up with inheritance, property rights, union rights like health benefits AND the society was conservative. Not being married and living together was shocking. Today it is more pragmatic and a non show-stopper. That is if you want be in a union. If you want to be single, I wonder why.... but it not a big deal in my view.

Now about being in a union, I believe the institution of marriage is fatal to the long term prospects of mutual interests of both parties. Both take life for granted and the relationship starts to get boring.....

My view is stay on your toes and make sure the other party is interested day in and day out.... Don't marry. Marriage is a trap that appeals to women. It is not good for men.

Not usually good for women either, at least independent women. Of course, there are some exceptions.

9

I don't think it's weird. Many people don't. I have one ex husband, and don't need any more! Companionship, on the other hand, is desirable, at least from my perspective.

2

It's actually weird to believe in marriage.

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