Are there certain things about people that get your antenna up-
whether it's a certain profession, personality trait, mannerism?
What can make you skeptical, leery, or on edge about another person?
I once worked with a lady, whom I did actually like. But, I had a hard time trusting her. She was "sweet" and "fun"... she loved just about every new person she met. They were like her best friend. She talked so good about them. Seems admirable to just love other people like that, right?
That overt love for new strangers made me wonder about her sincerity. After getting to know her over the years, she let slip a few times how she was good at "buttering people up" and "laying it on thick."
I've always been leery of overt optimism or over "sugary" speech.
Is there anything that puts you on guard about people?
People who pick fights in fuzzy socks. JK
People who talk nasty to me about other people behind their backs, it makes me wonder what they're saying about me when I'm not around.
I agree with finding people who are overly optimist or sugary as being worthy of suspicion. If their smile doesn't reflect in their eyes you know it isn't real. Also, it may sound bad, but people who are overtly religious in public or perform virtue signaling - if they need to convince you that they are good people they probably really aren't.
The way you use "leery" covers a lot of territory. One reason for being leery is fear that the other will not uphold your confidence. I once worked with a lady who, if you told her anything, would tell others. We joked that the three primary means of communication were telephone, telegraph, and "tell MdGraw." Another thing is insincere language -- flattery, excessive gushing, etc. Another is outright lying or deliberate distortion.
All of those would give me cause to examine what they say very carefully and to be careful about what I say.
Loved your comment mixtapechick! Now to respond to harleyman:Just like Germany makes sure all Nazi monuments were torn down we should not celebrate traitors and white supremacists. The vast majority of these monuments and the resurrection of the use of the stars and bars happened when white supremacy was being challenged the most:especially during the civil rights movement. They aren't a "celebration of southern culture/history". They are a celebration of white supremacy. Or the flip side:they are a celebration of the inferiority of all non-whites. And that's not even addressing the lie/misinterpretation of skin color having any real meaning. So yes, anyone with a confederate flag who isn't displaying it in a museum as a sign of racism, should get plenty of side-eye.
If they can't look you in the eye
Some people like me don't like to get lost in beautiful eyes like yours. We're just shy with beautiful ladies.
Looking people in the eye can be very uncomfortable for many people for both psychological (ASD) and cultural reasons.
Salesmen Jesus, o my fucking god, salesmen I can spot them a mile away before they open their lying manipulative mouths.
There are good people who sale things, but the real salesman is a ....ok I'm done. My blood pressure is up.
Hygiene, racist tattoos, perpetual drunkenness, lack of perception, reduced intelligence, voluntary stupidity, no moral compass
people who presume things about me when they don't know me
@silvereyes I so agree with you about overt optimism and over "sugary" speech. lol
That "I'll pray for you" or similar sets off my alarms.
By how they treat others. Children, animals, and people who have nothing to offer them in particular.
I'm big on eye contact. If someone averts their glance from me I immediately become suspicious and wary.
For me, eye contact is easy with people I find compatible or trustworthy. I'm not talking a penetrating stare but an easy exchange of glances that feels somehow comfortable.
Living in Arkansas, I'm pretty much always on guard, but then again, most people in all sorts of places are basically shitty.
I used to think that 7 out of 10 people suck but in the last 25 years, I've learned that it's closer to 9 out out 10 people who suck. Sad but true. I'm seeking a site that can help people find other birds of a feather. Anyone know of a site that asks many questions of it's members to help match them up other like minded people? There has to be a better way to find them and stop wasting time on fake friends.
I get a bad vibes from people who do not like animals .Excessive use of profanity . People with hypocritical tendencies,People exhibiting Paranoid behavior
I go by the vibes I get off of them. Like I have a sense for when someone's not a good person just by looking at them. The first time I saw my uncle's fiance I did NOT like her. I didn't get any good vibes by looking at her picture on Facebook. Met her and she seemed sweet and stuff. But then her true colors showed after they got married. She doesn't let him talk to any of the females in our family, not even me, and etc. I knew I shouldn't like her.
@silvereyes so though we usually think of domestic violence of man on woman it could be the other way around
Too negative kind of people, I just get rid of. The rest are on time managerment in degrees.
Avoids eye contact… Verbal statements trail off in volume… Overly enthusiastic. Quick to agree..
...in addition to what I’ve now read (I’m still responding before reading other comments, assuming they’d likely skew my thoughts) -- If you’ve time to become familiar with various personality disorders, especially the ‘cluster b’s,’ you can often spot deceptive behavior by it’s pattern. ...I’m just waiting for someone to ask about ‘BPD’ … my last relational experience..
AMGT, I’m sorry. And, I’m still on guard and somewhat on edge after my ..3 year ordeal with an ‘invisible (as in she was expert at hiding it) borderline.’ I actually help ‘advise others’ in another realm on this ...but once you’ve experienced it, the traits become quite obvious, and are closely related to the other ‘cluster b disorders,’ for which lying is a cornerstone…
16 years ...actually, that’s quite an accomplishment with a pwBPD (person with).. “Invisible or High Functioning” is what I experienced. DBT is ‘a treatment,’ but you’re right, there’s no cure, and treatment fails… Culturally, the wild behavior of BPD’s is most often associated with women, though an equal number of men have it. With men (in our culture) the anger outbursts, controlling behavior, insesent jealousy, extramarital affairs, substance abuse and erratic behavior unfortunately appears to match ‘what’s expected from a man,’ due to ‘the pressures of ‘being a man.’
The Cluster B’s receive slightly different classifications every time a new ‘DSM’ is published, so many of their traits and symptoms overlap. With regard to ‘lying,’ Trump has become ‘Exhibit A,’ as he’s without a doubt Narcissistic. Here you go: [mentalhelp.net]
Took me a year & a half to figure out what I was dealing with … then equal that to determine it would never change... If you need help on the BPD recovery side, these folks are the best [bpdfamily.com] And yah, humans aren’t perfect, but we mustn't hurt each other in the process.
I get leery of someone when they start bad-mouthing other people. Especially if, when faced with that person, they act as though they love them dearly.
Had an ex wife like that; should have known better. There is a lot to be said for the idea of 'if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all'.
Hum more from a survival instinct these are a few things that automatically make me stand off-ish.
All these are based on past bad experiences.
Religious talk, references people who have lots of pictures of Jesus.
People with lots of guns.
Guys with confederate flags on their trucks.
People who spred drama or rumours.
Guys that touch with out permission.
Anyone who perpetuates rape culture or defends it.
Anyone who believes, in flat earth, chem trails, all kinds of conspiracies.
There are a lot more but these come to mine.
Silvereyes, I agree 100%!!! I'm afraid of people who are ALWAYS so 'sweet' and 'loving' with others. It's exactly what you found out about this person that makes me leery! I have personal experience with a woman who presented one face to everyone else, but let me know how disagreeable she truly was!
Yup me too.
I'm an asshole. You have no reason to like me.
Uhhh ladies I do have a heart of gold.