I have a wolf head tattooed on my neck and three huge wolfdogs (reason for the tattoo) so I just point at it tell them that my gods have been here thousands of years before theirs and if they wish to meet their reincarnation (if my dogs are near) they usually run

Fake a seizure? They might think you're possessed and run away screaming. Good for a laugh!

I find the best way is to be polite, but not engage. Let them feel heard, let them say their piece. Then look away, tell them to have a great day. If you engage, you become a mission.

i was approached regularly by mormons at the kinko's in nagoya, japan, while i waited for my copies. finally, when two of them (it's always two!) came up to me and asked, with big fake smiles whether i had heard the story of joseph smith, i answered, brightly, "yes! i have! have you heard the one about the rabbi...?" and proceeded to tell them a very long chassidic story. their big smiles virtually cracked. they never bothered me again.

g

I'm not interested in hearing about your invisible friend.

Closing the door in their face has always worked for me.

Recently a man on Facebook friends requested me. I accept everyone but I told him I noticed he was very religious. I said I'm fine with all kinds of people, but I don't deal well with intolerance or people who push their beliefs on others. He agreed, I accepted. Then he sent me all kinds of stuff about how great Allah is and I need 2 believe, then he started bringing my kids in2 it. Normally I'd just block him but I was feeling feisty, so I got a few friends 2gether and we bombarded his page with random alternative beliefs. My favorite was the octopus chasing the diver on2 a boat. Saying "sir may I have a moment of your time 2 talk 2 you about our lord and savior Khathula?"

I just ask them "Why would I want to go to heaven when none of my family or friends will be there, I hate harp music, and I get altitude sickness? No thanks! I'll shove a preacher out of the way, and sit next to the fire"

Oh, I'd LOVE to hear about Jesus - whats he up to now ....

I found Jesus: He was passed out under the coffee table.

In 93, before the flood, Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door in Blackwell. A friend of mine was visiting at the time and she answered the door and they began to preach. She said, uhm,
we're Satan worshipers here. I didn't get a chance to see the look on their faces.

Say come on in for whiskey and cigarettes. Not mine a comedian said it first. I listen politely and maybe I will learn something. I remember the first time I had to break it to someone, that didnt like Jewish people, that Jesus was Jewish.

Depends on your surroundings, and whether you are in a position to successfully defend yourself. Some of these nutters have violent tendencies.

Play something loud on your phone, "Dude looks like a lady" by Aerosmith usually causes great confusion and angst amongst the faithful.

Pronounce saitan os your lord and savior right in front of them.????

Tell them to fuck off.

I'm old cases I tried talking to them which went no where. Some if listen and maybe nod till they got done with their little spiel.
Now a days I'm a little on the I don't have time for BS and ether leave, as they have done this to me at work. To wich I'll say look my job is to help you with X but it in no way includes you telling me how to live.

I think I am on some sort of banned list, have not had any religious callers in over two years.

Share with them some of the biblical things that Jesus supposedly said that they ignore or don't want to give application to.

The last time someone was preaching at me, I just happened to be next to a pub. I opened the door and walked in. Problem solved.

Too bad we can't all carry pubs with us.

Look for an opening in the conversation, and say the following in the most sincere tone you can manage:
"You know, it's funny you should say that. I keep having this dream where Jesus is sucking my dick/eating my pussy. I have an orgasm and feel this amazing feeling of peace and love!"

Snore....

Goodness. Glad my house is not easily accessible

I just say no thank you have a nice day

I was working on my front porch one day when I was approached by a pair of Jehovah's Witnesses. They asked if they could have a moment of my time, and I said 'sure'. They gave me the standard routine about being saved, etc., then one of them started quoting the Scriptures. When I asked him how he knew that it was really the 'inspired word of God', he said that he had faith that it was, but had no hard evidence. I told them that when they found any evidence, then I would invite them in and let them convert me. I haven't seen them since.....