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Why do we continually want someone we can’t have?

I’ve vowed SO many times that I’m not going to cry over a particular man anymore. Yet here I’ve been crying off and on for the last 4 hours. Why do we do this to ourselves?

Marcie1974 8 May 8
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40 comments (26 - 40)

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2

Maybe that's why we want them.

2

I have to look at it logically. Although it doesn't always help. Falling for someone is very instinctual and you don't have total control over it. If you look at someone and think "I want some of that!". It isn't you directly thinking that. It's your basic instincts telling you that this person is within acceptable standards and is directing your attention to hopefully become involved with them leading to a more intimate situation. Some people find it easier to get over them by simply letting themselves become interested in someone new. However some still can't shake the idea of one particular person and dwell on what might have been. Just remember that you can't change the past and that the only thing you can do is try to learn from it and continue on.

edited a sentence

2

I'm so sorry to hear this! I hope that you pull yourself out of it!

2

I have found that it's not only the fact that you we can't have that person, it's also that we can't solve or fix the problem that keeps us from our closeness with that person. We sometimes only see the one obstacle, without focusing on the reasons and letting go of the relationship because it simply isn't right for us.

Good point. I’ve been trying to take a step back and looking at the whole of the reasons.

1

We are not aware bt crying, my friend, is the way we have to get rid of the pain. IAW, we don't cry for what we lost but to easy the pain said loss caused us...

1

We are all taught cognitive dissonance from a early age. Think of every classic old commercial you have seen- most establish something is wrong- often the family or a relationship is damaged or imperiled by the problem. But then look! A solution! The solution is shown “working” easily with the person smiling and grateful. At the end the family unit or relationship is shown happy, saved, intact. Thanks to that nifty product. Advertising tells us things will make our lives better, happier. There becomes a subconscious link- we see someone using that product somewhere in our minds we conclude “they must be happy- it must be true!” Shopping malls are one huge exercise in materialism bring happiness. The other issue is “stuff” externalities what often are internal voids and issues. It’s easier to buy some shoes than address what is really internally bothering us- usually complex issues of “why are we here” or “what will bring meaning and happiness to our lives”. Looking to the outside for a quick fix and not thinking about the fabric of the world around us is taught and encouraged in modern society. It is how the industrial world wants us to be, placated with stuff instead of truly happy on our own. Just my two cents...

1

It’s human nature to strive for what we don’t have. There is nothing we can’t have.Hard work is a small part, timing is the biggest....as well as a winning lottery ticket.

1

Because we hold out hope th y will become the image we made them out to be. We have to accept who they are and if that means without us then so be it.

T23GM Level 4 May 8, 2018
0

It can be hard to do but look forward instead of back. Sometimes you don't get a choice.

0

It is caused by the water that you drink !

every person that has ever consumed water has died why arent the government's of the world doing something about this dangerous substance.

@LeeMurray
Because it is free and they make money out of it ? Thats why ?? Lol

@LeeMurray They are , they're contaminating all of it .

@Cast1es
But it tastes oh so good !............with whiskey of course ???

0

Just a bad mental habit. Try stoicism. [dailystoic.com]

0

Better hope he is not reading this ????

Extremely doubtful. I don’t believe he’s on here.

@Marcie1974
You never know, ingocnito perhaps ???

@VAL3941 I'd actually be ok with that. Perhaps he would realize how much he has the ability to hurt a person and with be more gentle in the future.

@Marcie1974
Do you need or want that from him ?? Let go and try find someone who will treat you better.

@VAL3941 I don't at all want or need that from him. But you repeated it so I reflected on it and that was how I felt.

@Marcie1974
OK! Won't argue with you over it. Just hang in there !

@VAL3941 thanks!

I am actually feeling better today. I put on a pretty dress and lipstick to wear to work today and had a lovely lunch with a former coworker.

@Marcie1974
Why was I not invited ? I would have help you you put on your dress, approved your lipstick, and paid fof the lunch ? ? ?

@VAL3941 would have been a bit far for lunch.....

@Marcie1974
Who cares ? You can wait till I get there ! But you will have to supply the pudding after ? Lol

@Marcie1974
By the way, you would be worth the journey ! ?

0

Just get over it. You'll feel so good, so free!

That’s like telling a person with depression to just stop feeling that way.

@Marcie1974 Not so. I've done it.

0

If you have it, you don't want it anymore because, well, you have it.

I disagree. At least for me, that’s not how I look at a relationship

0

I don't know.
Too much myth of potential maybe.
That but for that one change everything would be different.
But it would be the same in a different way.

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