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Does this site get better?

It's been a couple of months popping in on this site, and while I've seen some thoughtful discussions, I'm finding a lot of sexist, vaguely or overtly racist, often just misanthropic people on here. I'm so tired of blocking people older than myself who should know better. I've seen other people bring up this generational gap. Does it get better, or am I going to have to keep spending half my time blocking people who make "triggered" jokes and fetishize/degrade certain PoC?

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MagRat 5 May 15

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21 comments

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8

I think the problem is expecting people to be different from what they really are because they have something in common with you. I've noticed a lot of atheists, Skeptics and freethinkers seem to not be as smart as I expected them to be. Some people just let you down. I think we have high expectations of everyone on this site and when we do that we are bound to be let down. Every Village has a village idiot. LOL

@MagRat block is a great tool. Use it when needed.

@MagRat I used to belong to a group on Facebook called atheist and politics and you would be surprised on how many atheists are libertarians. I too thought that atheists think on a different level but actually they were just people that don’t believe in God and that is where the similarities end.

@Tonyo13502 a friend of mine who's on this site and an atheist is also a libertarian. I think there are also people on here that are Republicans and conservatives. Atheist just means you deny the existence of a God or gods. It doesn't mean you have a high IQ or you're Stephen Hawking or that you're not prone to believe in Superstition. People Are People.

8

I haven't been on here a ton but I haven't been seeing that hardly at all. Where are you continuing to find this stuff?

@MagRat Did @ClaytonE83 say something to set you off? It seems to me his comment is similar to mine: would you show us something specific that upsets you and prompted the original post you made? Your attack on him seems way out of line.

@MagRat Yeah...it was kinda mean. Don't assume a white male is unaware of his privilege.

@MagRat Complaining about assholes by being an asshole is not the best strategy. I have respect for anyone and everyone that shows respect for me and others. Your comment was uncalled for and has put your credibility in question as you have spent most of your time complaining about assholes.

7

I have not seen a lot of this and I've been here since the beginning. Perhaps it is the groups you are in or your outlook?

If people are rude - you report them.

And frankly I find this site very refreshing over the other sites I belong to.
But it's the people I've surrounded myself with here that make all the difference.

7

I think this site, like many others, goes through phases of being absolutely great and, well, not as much - it was fantastic when I joined, then it kind of tailed off a bit, then it got better again. Right now, I'd say we're in a trough; but hang around and hopefully we'll be in a peak again soon. I always enjoy your posts and comments (which is why I followed you!), so I hope you'll stick with us and be part of the solution.

Jnei Level 8 May 15, 2018

@MagRat I'm going to put that at the top of my résumé when I next apply for a new job. Thanks! 🙂❤

7

Thanks for your feedback! Some ideas. First, it's more powerful to flag the content than block the member as this way we can delete the content and warn/delete the member.

Also, I'm considering an option where you can say "Only show me stuff from people around my age range". This might help the generation issues. It's true that younger members have grown up in a more social justice focused world. What do you think?

Admin Level 8 May 15, 2018

Flagging content based upon the sad feelings of a person that repeatedly complains about real life, is a VERY BAD policy.

I'm not keen on the idea of an age-based filter of some kind. I'm also not keen on culture/nationality-based filtering. I mention these together because I see the generational difference in much the same way as I see cultural differences. For example, the America I grew up in isn't the same as the America a 30-something grew up in, so we have in a sense cultural differences. Keeping the groups apart doesn't help in understanding.

@MagRat so you’re against sexism and racism but ageism is ok? Just trying to clarify what is and is not offensive to you.

@MagRat, @Marcie1974 Since 70+% of members are open to meeting someone here for dating and one way to meet is to bump into someone in the forums, having an age/gender filter (or even just a sort) might be an interesting feature. Just something to think about.

@Admin I get that a lot of people are here for dating. If you go to the "Meet" section you can search for people near you of a particular age group. I get that for dating.

However I find it very discriminatory to suggest only being able to see posts of people from a certain age. Are we going to do that for certain races as well? Or by skin color? What about sexual orientation?

Personally, I find getting a different perspective on topics is enlightening. Whether that is a perspective from a man, someone of a different age group (younger OR older), different sexual orientation, race, etc. I think we can learn a lot from each other if we are willing to open up and listen.

@Marcie1974 Emphatically agree. Well said. Different perspectives can lead to better understanding. As I said in an earlier reply, I see the age difference as a kind of cultural difference, and generally speaking, it's usually a good thing to get the perspective from different cultures. IDIC, infinite diversity in infinite combinations

@bingst thank you for your positive response. I'm starting to wonder if I'm in the wrong on this. I feel like if it was older people suggesting they not see posts from younger people there would be outrage from certain people.

I haven't flagged the content of "Jorj" in awhile because he and others get away with misogyny like crazy. There are people on here who just come to fight and insult. Quite a few. I almost quit the site myself the first few weeks because I didn't see any action when it comes to warning/deleting jerks. I'll start flagging content again, but until I saw this post I didn't think Admins ever bothered to do this stuff. For lack of a better word, there's way too much "assholery" tolerated by repeat offenders on this site. Now that I've found my "tribe" I'm good, but I bet a lot of unbelievers never make it past a week or two on here. Agnostic.com can afford to err on the side of good conduct more. Just my two cents.

@hemingwaykitten good points

@MagRat @Admin
I agree that interest based filters make the most sense. Without them, the only thing we have in common is unbelieving. Example: In my profile I make clear I don't want to argue with Trump voters (or talk to them, really). Yet so many people ignore profiles, you wouldn't believe the messages I get from Trumpies assuming I share their point of view. Of course I don't, and the conversation goes downhill nasty from there.

@MagRat Lacking in empathy? You seem to personify that!

@hemingwaykitten assumption and accusation are cornerstones of the Trump phenomenon.

@phxbillcee this is kind of a selectively empathy... perhaps a one-way Street.

@hankster

I tell you what...when Cheeto sets the accomplishments of your entire sex back 50 years, YOU can be the expert on assumptions and accusations. Just not now.

@hemingwaykitten Yeah I hate trump voters also. I would rather argue with a Jesus freak all day long on my front porch than say five words to a Trump voter. There is no rationale in voting for Trump. And that’s all I have to say about that ?

6

I’ve been on this site a few months now, not long, though. I like this site, but you are always going to be faced with some form of people you don’t agree with.

6

I've seen some of what you're talking about, but I wouldn't say a lot. I'd be interested in knowing what you find offensive; a representative sampling.

@MagRat would you rather he stalk your profile looking at everything you’ve ever commented on? Perhaps he hasn’t been involved in the same threads you have.

I honestly have not come across anyone as overly sensitive as you appear to be. But only about the things you perceive as wrongs against your democratic. You apparently have no qualms ranting against the older generation.

@MagRat I don't much trust screenshots as evidence, as they can too easily be manipulated. Just supplying links to some posts or comments that rub you the wrong way should suffice. I find it ironic that so many here promote the idea of evidence-based reasoning, but won't provide evidence when the subject of a member mistreating others comes up.
@Marcie1974

@bingst or when they claim to be mistreated but then go and mistreat a demographic they deem as worthy of scorn.

5

Only been here six weeks or so but I felt exactly the same way you do when I got here. I would add there's a lot of misogyny here which I didn't expect and don't appreciate. You just need to find some good pals and follow them (star their profile.) Good people know other good people, and pretty soon you have a worldwide tribe, and that is very cool. The bullies and mental cases are always the loudest and most obnoxious, but there are wonderful people on here who make me smile and I am very glad I stuck around long enough to find them. Once I blocked the obvious assholes I found a lot of cool compassionate people. Use that block button liberally and don't regret it. Once they are gone, you'll see us, waving "Hi, Unbeliever!"

That's well said. I do believe the people I have followed have made all the difference.

It refines your experience by your outlook.

5

I haven't been here long, so I don't have much of a linear perspective. Some of the content I like, some of it I don't, but I suspect I'd leave and never come back if I was limited in terms of an age group or cultural group. I'm a Baby Boomer who has spent her life around young people so my attitudes are atypical of my demographic group. I have been a proponent of social justice issues since I started in the '60's. I think we have a lot to learn from each other if we keep our minds open and our discourse civil.

I have often found it refreshing to hear the views of younger folks, as well as the views of people in other countries of whatever age.

5

I haven't encountered this problem. Hiding from inappropriate content is naive. Requesting a segregated age group is restrictive & will not aid in the advancement of tolerance. Want to avoid these miscreants? Report,flag,block, form a restrictive group, or respond with cogent arguments. Where are these people getting such posts? I do not see them but if I did I would counter them. I do not believe in ignoring evil. Good people must step up, not segregate themselves. #overly sensitive & young

@MagRat Like my point exactly. Like it only will get better if you make it better. Like it is your world now. Like we pass the torch to you. Like are you going it bail because you wish to have it easy? Like life is tough. Like didn't you know that. Like I am sure you do being of blended races. Like you are the future. Like it is up to you. Like there are codgers that are embracing. Like inclusive. Like us.

4

@MagRat I think it's good that you brought this up. I was born either at the very tail end of the baby Boomers or the beginning of the baby Buster's. I'm a white guy in my early 50s and have no doubt that white privilege plays a part in my life. I attempt to be very conscious of that, when interacting with others. I have a lot of friends spanning across a lot of ages, genders, colors, religions, etc. One thing I've learned is that if you are looking for a certain behavior in a crowd of people you will find it. Easily. Sometimes it's really there, yet other times I may have imagined it into my reality. Both good behaviors and those we may disdain. I feel like it is very important to not let what I think I know get in the way of what I could be learning. if someone is being disrespectful or abusive please hit the report and block button in a second. However i recognize that if I keep building walls and protections around my point of view, I can sit comfortably inside of my couch cushion fort. At times, I can stand out in the storm, not all the time, but enough see what's falling, which way the wind is blowing, how much the clouds are covering the Sun and so on. You can't get that from the news. You can't get that from the people that are like-minded around you. this is of course only my opinion. peace.

3

I keep hearing of all these problems but have not personally experienced it. Perhaps I don't tend to visit the site areas racism and sexism is occuring, and I do have some tolerance for sexist kidding. It also probably helps being college educated with two parents that were as well. In the three or so months I've been here I have had two or three unpleasant/snarky replies, but they remained fairly civil, and there was nothing overt I could detect to indicate they were racially motivated. Aside from those, I have found everyone to be respectful, mostly positive, and very accepting.

3

Certain groups, like "Memes R Us" is about pushing boundaries, so if you have a thin skin, you may wish to stay away. Other than there, I don't see this. Now, I have a thick skin, & don't trigger easily, so that may be the difference, but there are many categories & groups where anything like that is very unlikely to appear!

3

This place/site is better only because the visitors/members are more likely to not have religious shit distorting the functioning of their frontal lobes. Otherwise it is just like real life.

Jacar Level 8 May 15, 2018
2

I've seen a few people complaining about these kinds of behaviors on here lately and either I'm not paying attention or not that sensitive. I've seen some, but not enough that I would consider leaving. I feel like comparing this to Facebook is like comparing a rose garden with a sewer. People seem to be for the most part pretty awesome on here.

Remi Level 7 May 18, 2018
1

I haven't been that unlucky so far - been here awhile enjoying the buzz -

jacpod Level 8 June 17, 2018
1

The quality of this site depends on what you want and how you use it.

1

Older whites are on the run right now. The world is turning on them (rightfully so in many cases). They are looking for a place where they can be 'themselves'. Confronting them tends to drive them off. A few are waking up but most are just horrible humans that must be moved.

That's too broad a statement.

@bingst white baby boomers are the biggies bunch of hypocrites the world has ever seen. ( please forgive me if this was too harsh)

@bingst, @iamjc I'm not enlightened. sorry

@SACatWalker really... that's not what the data says...

[amazon.com]

ready it and weep...

@SACatWalker data....

[theguardian.com]

@SACatWalker more data that says it's your fault....

[vox.com]

@MissaDixon

No. You're not enlightened. Some of those Baby Boomers fought for the civil rights you have today, aren't assholes, aren't hypocrites, and are pretty smart. You, however, are a special kind of snowflake...the ageist kind.

@hemingwaykitten and my data is still better than your bullshit.

@MissaDixon

As Mark Twain was fond of saying,

"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."

  • British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli

@MissaDixon You seem like a somewhat bigoted hypocrite yourself. Where does this lofty judgment come from? Did god tell you?

@hemingwaykitten I didn't say stats...I said data. That math degree comes in handy...when your opponent doesn't have one.

@hemingwaykitten, @phxbillcee I just put up data that pointed out that your wrong....and your 'self education' has left you in a very bad way.

@iamjc nice troll... how much do you get paid for that?

0

We are a community filled with people of varrying ideas and viewpoints. This means that frequently someone will say something which you do not like or do not agree with. If this bothers you, then you are more than welcome to move on.

0

A fluctuating group of random people expressing views with little or a lot of intent.
It ain't no echo chamber for sure, but it's all in what you're after.

0

I take offence that you refer to yourself as "a girl" at 42 years of age but take offence at an elderly man that refers to women as "female".
I find "What's in it for me?" is an indication of how boomer parents have raised a generation X rife with hubris.
As if a life is unique to some when life itself is suffering according to the Buddhists.
But I do not expect you to "understand half of what I said."
Perhaps if you leave this site it will be better.
You are free to do that.
Not much dating going on here.

@MagRat

Like this mean woman who doesn't get that leering men use "female" as an insult...don't follow her! 🙂

@MagRat - Ok how is female an insult? Also how the heck do you know someone is leering at you - in text - online?

I prefer "ladies" to "girls". And people are sometimes offended by that.
Way prefer "females" to "girls" as well.

If you set up gender pronouns to be insulting to you - they will be.

Please take into account we are all ages here - also I've been known to say "Dude" to women.

Pronouns are a "Thing" right now - but really she's mean because she disagrees with you?

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