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Are you cheating if you are open to your partner about your other relationship(s)?

It may be semantics, but I'm curious as to what everyone's position is on what cheating means to you.

  • 11 votes
  • 56 votes
MollyBell 7 May 31
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37 comments (26 - 37)

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4

Why on all earth would you want to have "other" relationships when you are with someone?

@NotAndrew My meaning was romantic, intimate relationships.

Maybe the previous relationship is unsatisfactory. Maybe you fell in love with someone else. Maybe you're poly. Happens all the time.

@MollyBell If you are in a so called unsatisfactory relationship, you should get the hell out of there before starting a new relationship with anyone els. Yeah it happens all the time, what happens all the time is a lot of heartache and misery. It is disgraceful and dishonourable to embark on anything new before you have finished with who you are with. Karma will punish you for this kind of behaviour. Of course if you are in a poly relationship, it doesn't matter what or who you are with as the poly people say that they can love many people at the same time.

@Jolanta It depends on the poly relationship. For example, I won't be in an intimate relationship with someone who hid their other relationships from me. I not only support them pursuing other relationships, I encourage it. If they've got the time and spoons, I'm all about it.

As long as my partner is taking care of their mental health, and diligent regarding STIs, I think it's wonderful. In my current situation, almost everyone involved are friends with each other, and nobody is in the dark. It matters very much to me who my partners are seeing.

Anyway, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. You're obviously very passionate about the subject. ?

4

well it depends are you throwing it in their face if you are then yes if not and you're being honest with the relationships you're having then I would say no but this has to be agreed upon by both partners at the start of the relationship otherwise this will lead to resentment and jealousy

Even open relationships can lead to resentment and jealousy.

@EdEarl Not always. it depends.

@zorialoki Agree

4

I was in an open relationship with my then wife, and took advantage of that. When I have been in closed relations I was all about them and not side line activity. Depends on the relationship and understanding with the people involved.

3

So many experts!

3

It would depend on what basis you entered or maintain the relationship- if you promised fidelity, its cheating, whether you disclose it or not.

Yeah I could have posed the question in better detail. Hindsight is 20:20.

Would that be Hi fidelity or stereo?

2

By definition, I would think that if you are in an agreed upon open relationship, the word cheating does not apply. If you are cheating, then you are withholding information from your partner and hiding your affair as much as possible. It’s kind of like going into a store and they have a rack of merchandise marked “Free” and the next shelf has priced items. If you take a free item it is not shoplifting. If you take the priced item, you are. Best example I could come up with quickly! ?

2

I wouldn't be so upset that they went off to have sex with someone else as I would be that they didn't invite me along for a threesome

lol now we're talking! ?

@MollyBell You are talking a language I understand

@zorialoki I feel sure I am ?

1

I can’t promise I’ve read through every comment here but I don’t think I saw the word consent anywhere. Did you make an agreement to be monogamous? If you have another non-monogamous relationship without first obtaining consent from your partner then it is cheating. You can’t just break the agreement and then by describing it after the fact unilaterally decide that it’s ok. If you have carefully discussed all the parameters of how and when your relationship will be open and you are operating within the agreement, then no problem. Some partners agree to allow side dalliances as long as they never find out about it. So telling about the relationships is not a universal “fix” either. You have to come to agreements ahead of time about what each partner needs and wants.

ejbman Level 7 June 20, 2018

Also, I guess I’m assuming here we are talking about romantic or sexual relationships. If it’s just platonic friendships then the issue of cheating should not even be on the table. If a partner is so jealous that you are not allowed platonic friendships then run the other way and get out of that partnership.

1

Easy lay up here. FUCK YES...IF...you just tell them. If you discuss it and open your relationship together then it CAN'T be cheating. easy.

1

It's not cheating if everyone knows the rules. Not liking the rules does not mean your partner is cheating.

0

It sounds wordy and strange. But I think the questions relates to an open relationship. Well, you have to be sure that the open relationship is really open and not just your dream. If the second partner kinda agrees but hired a hacker to track you, maybe you've chosen the wrong person for an open relationship. On the other hand, if you both agree on an open relationship, then the word cheating makes no sense. I think this word is eligible only for monogamous relationships. Otherwise, people are free to date anyone they like to. Antracit, did I ask your question? You just had to go through the previous comments.

0

I think in any relationship that has any chance at all it's necessary to be clear about and in agreement about the parameters. What can you do with who? To my mind, if you are violating your agreement, you're cheating. But if you have agreed to an 'open' relationship then I would not define it as cheating. I will say that I have known a number of people who tried open marriages and none of them worked out. Of course my monogamous marraiges didn't work out, either, but for very different reasons.

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