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Empty nest

The empty nest experience can be fun and liberating but also a very hard stage in life. Any thoughts about this subject and hints in how to make positive changes toward letting go and enjoying life without feeling guilty or lonely.?

By Gata4
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8

Fill your entire house with cats. think you have enough cats? WRONG! Moar cats! It's mandatory! Mandatory cats!

Here ya go!

My ex started feeding the feral cats in the neighborhood and we ended up with two dozen of them. They'd start roosting on the fence about 4 in the afternoon, knowing that feeding time was approaching. It was really weird; like Halloween was happening every afternoon at my house!!

8

My oldest just finished her freshman year at college. It really helped me that I could text her....she even replied! Lol. When I was in college I called home once a week, I can’t imagine!

I also got divorced last year and my youngest (17, junior in HS) blames me so she lives with her dad. I feel like I lost them both at the same time. But again she and I text and saw each other 2-3 times a week.

Although I miss them, I do love being on my own. This is the first time in my life I’ve lived alone!

Divorce is hard on the kids no matter what age. My youngest was Jr in HS, and lived with me in an apartment post divorce. After her Sr year she moved back with her dad and did not handle letting me know well at all. The two older girls were in college and post grad. Eventually they all lived with their dad as adults, and got to know him well, and swore they'd never do that again. We are now right at 10 years post divorce, the kids are my allies. We do family holidays so I see the ex and we're amicable but not cozy. The kids have a realistic adult view of their dad and they also tell me I should have bailed 10 years earlier, but hindsight is 20/20. And they're also right, but that isn't what I was raised to do. So if you're still reading, my point in the ramble is to wait it out. Time is a great healer and as they mature they will come around. They will remember they need their mom.

@HippieChick58 thank you for your perspective. I feel like my oldest is doing a good job of staying with each of us when she’s home from college. She and her dad were close the moment she came out of me, lol. So it’s been nice getting some one on one time with her.

My youngest and I had always been close but she’s been damn angry with me and has hurt me in ways she’ll never know. There are times when she’s pushing me away that I just want to wash my hands and say fine, if I’m so awful then your dad can do all the hard stuff I currently take care of. But I’ll never do that and try to take the high road. I really really hope some day she appreciates my standing by her and never giving up on her.

@Marcie1974 I feel your pain. I think that day will come that she will appreciate you once again. Don't ever expect an apology though. My youngest is now the mom of a daughter, and I'm waiting for the day when that baby girl gives her mama grief. That will be an awakening.

6

Both of my kids moved out of state. Now, I bribe my nephew to hang out with me. He doesn't drive; so he's usually a captive audience, but he doesn't complain as long as I feed him.

JimG Level 8 June 1, 2018
6

How I always been since a child allow me to live my life today as I do. I enjoyed myself as a kid playing alone. Didn't needed an audience or companionship. Yet, very friendly and a hoot to be around. I learned to amuse myself and still do. When I need female companionship an ex gf will do fine. I write poetry and songs in english and spanish with dancing a recurring theme and subject. No reason to be bored but I admit a witness to my life will be nice to have. Love to be alone, left to my own devices. When feeling lonely... no biggie... I go dancing... salsa, swing, blues, jazz... I can do anything but listening to rap or any derivate. A man that dances is only alone when he wants to and knows that nobody ever feel lonely in the dance floor. Capable of returning to do art or once again attempt to learn a musical instrument. A lot of hobbies of the past discarded including sports. Do not watch tv. Anything with violence do not attract me. I recommend you new hobbies or old hobbies. Dancing is the most underrated activity we humans ignore on a daily basis. I got 2 girls and a boy. The 2 girls been musicians.... and of course the boy dances in a company in Vegas so I am relieved that they will carry me after I die, their mother bag was athletics and one of the girls do art too. I gave my children to the world and to life that is how I accept them now, but I lived with each as an adult not to feel guilty now. Find your new niche and embrace it. About the lonely, I recommend you Dancing. Good Luck with your empty nest but remember is not empty if you are there even if is a lot quiet than before. I already know you love yourself so is a matter of minor adjustments.

5

Travel, start yoga, turn off the tv, take long walks, adopt a homeless animal, volunteer ..... any one of these is a positive move for you. Good luck!

5

I'm loving my empty nest!!! Not giving it up....just yet.?

how many kids

@whiskywoman 2 step kiddos who are out on their own.

5

I was very young when I had my two children so I settled down to responsibilities at a very early age. I was in my late 30's when my children were raised plus I was divorced. I certainly had moments of feeling lonely but I also had more time to explore who I was outside of the role of mom and wife. Also eating junk food rather than a meal is fun at times. I had more time to consider my creative abilities. I did a lot of exploring internally and externally. I still have a lot of contact with both my children and they are really proud of everything I do as I'm setting the example of living life right up to the day you die.

mine wouldn't leave

@whiskywoman LOL.... I moved!

5

For my kids it was "can I help you pack?." My kids were ready, I was ready. I love my kids, they are interesting and good people. I was really ready to see them take that step and I really didn't dread it. Partly because I had my own stuff going on with my marriage. Maybe it has something to do with not having a mother after I was 15, and my step mother made sure I knew she was ready for me to go. I saw their leaving as part of the journey that has to be taken. It's exciting, lets see what next adventure is coming!

4

I'm not quite an empty nester. Hell, I'm not even close. My nearly 26 year old is home too. LOL! But I'd say that being alone and dealing with that kind of life-change would be much more difficult. Especially if you are retired and don't have anything going on (no volunteerism or other social activity/friends). Seems to me it would be easier and a mixture of happiness at regaining the freedom to do what you want, when you want, etc.; and sadness, because you'll miss having your kids around every day, regardless of what a pain in the ass they may have been. =]

IAMGROOT Level 7 June 1, 2018

that's my brother no kids of his own married for a month and divorced and now he is sick and here driving us nuts while his health declines he doesn't do anything no computer and he won't even try no friends here and the ones where he was ...many are dead... he sleeps all day and tosses and turns cause he can't sleep at night when family comes to visit he doesn't come sit and talk with family or friends they have to go to him his last days are not at all filled with anything makes me sad but he won't consider any advice from a woman

@whiskywoman My son turns 26 in August. He doesn't live with me F-T, but stays at my place between jobs. He works in the entertainment industry as a theater technician. First, he worked on cruise ships and did a couple of contracts with Norwegian. He just finished a contract with a touring theater company supporting a production of the Wizard of Oz. He's home from 4/20 to some time in October.

wow sounds fun that will be good life experience good job @IAMGROOT

4

I am a happy camper !!!!!...
The only thing I need to know about my daughters is that they are doing well. Other than that, I really enjoy the free time

IamNobody Level 8 June 1, 2018
4

Don't do what I did/do. Somehow I seem to end up with other kids, and each time I think it is over, another pops up from somewhere/ Now the previous generation has kids of their own, and already they seem to visit. My foster son is away with his business this week, guess who got a call to watch his young nephew play soccer tomorrow? I hate sports, don't like the kids father and now will be stuck with him for a few hours. I think empty nest sounds good.

Rugglesby Level 8 June 1, 2018
3

My youngest has just started FT work and I see the end of my obligations closing fast. I think it may be time to abandon the nest and adventure with what time is left.

Teklar Level 2 June 1, 2018
3

Why do you think animals "CHASE" their offspring away as soon as they can ??

VAL3941 Level 8 June 1, 2018
3

I'm a few years away, and am looking forward to it. I can't imagine feeling guilty.

@Storybook, possibly. Will definitely hit my wife, which in turn will affect me.

I've been penniless trying to support a family - talk about stress. Took 10 years off my life.

@Storybook yes, in heaven. LOL. I jest...

3

You might want to come over to the Empty Nester group. There are several of us here.

Zster Level 8 June 1, 2018

where, exactly, is that found?

@Jlad52 Browse groups, then do a search for "empty" and it will come up. Unless, you have to be at a certain level for groups to be visible...

3

I was ecstatic and immediately got a job to teach at Hermosillo, Mexico. Now THAT was fun!

2

My youngest is going into the military this summer. I have been having a ball pipe dreaming about everything I have wanted to do but could not.

Shelly_Y Level 5 June 2, 2018
2

jealous

MsAl Level 7 June 1, 2018
2

Great post. Allow me to follow it.

1

First, figure out what you like to do or who you want to be and go for it. I've always had projects and hobbies, I like to be busy. My empty nest coincided with divorce and reentry into the workforce, followed by unemployment. It was a rough time for me, but a time of personal growth. It is what pushed me away from religion to the understanding there is no good god looking out for us. It made me much stronger,and I'm thankful for it. The empty nest will be what you make of it. For me it was exciting to see my kids forge lives for themselves and become the wonderful young women that they are.

1

id love to know when i get to try that i fucked up lol my kids want me and my grands visit all the time and my great grands too and there is a shit ton of them ... i regret i wasnt a good life manager i bought kids instead of a house and now without them not sure what id do

1

My nest was never full.

well mine always is and it is a prolific group some days I wish mine was empty and others I realize how blessed I have been life is never easy though always something happening good and bad

1

The Empty Nest Syndrome is felt mostly by mothers, and it coincides with menopause, depression, the decrease in interest in sex, etc. A critical period in the life of a woman, unfortunately, and rife with marital separation.

of really professor

@whiskywoman it is very unjust with women of this age. Men at this age do not feel the hormone fall, the loss of motherhood and the sexlessness, so a few will look out for greener pastures (that's gross).

sexlessness no shit @rsabbatini

marital separation because her husbands issues and his cheating hurt her even more just when she needs him

@rsabbatini and men also have a hormone fall or menopause or mid life crisis

@whiskywoman, of course, but no so abrupt, it is usually a slow descent, when it is not a disease. But fortunately, for women as well for men there are replacement therapies!

there is also suck it up and be a decent human being and work with what you got and get busy living or don't drag the rest of us down
@rsabbatini

0

I suggest travelling to other countries. Go with a friend, explore and gain insight of other cultures. You've worked hard and now it's to ro enjoy the fruits of your labour.

Mooney Level 2 Aug 15, 2018
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