Reasons to Remain Single
"Anyone who lives alone and manifests no longing to be in a relationship is – in our times – almost automatically (though more or less secretly) viewed as both pitiable and deeply troubled. It’s simply not thought possible to be at once alone and normal."
I've been single by choice for 8 years and have very much enjoyed it. I don't consider myself ill-suited for commitment. I just like being able to do my own thing.
These years of singleness have been a necessary season and the first time in my adult life that I've been in a situation where I'm not always having to think of someone else's needs and putting my own on the back burner.
Someday I may be in a committed relationship again, but it won't be because I'm lonely or succumbed to societal pressure. IMO, when people are looking for a partner for those reasons, they tend to make compatibility compromises they'll later regret.
If you're single, do you enjoy it? If so, why? If not, why?
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40 comments (26 - 40)
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CreativelyMe
Level 7
June 2, 2018
7
Gotta say, that's funny....maybe I am the one for me too..... ?????
Just because one is married doesn't mean one isn't still single.
jeffy
Level 7
June 2, 2018
1
wonderful. how often did i feel like this in a relationship....
Yes, I have been single by choice for about a decade. I got so tired of meeting everyone else's needs while mine got ignored by everyone including me. I absolutely love it but I would also love to find a partner that values personal freedom as much as I do. I have no desire to be needed again. I want someone that is complete without me but enjoys my company so much that we want to spend time together. Separate homes! I miss sex these days because I have also been celibate and do sometimes fantasize about having a love life again but I LOVE my mess being mine and only mine. No disputes over well anything! I want a lover but will never commit to anyone for life again. If we are happy for life, it will last that long but no way am I staying in a cage.
CreativelyMe
Level 7
June 2, 2018
8
Have I said already that I like the way you think?...well, I've just did ?
@IamNobody I do believe you have mentioned it before but I don't mind hearing it again.
@CreativelyMe see, I like that too !!!! .... Isn't that something???
yes, CreativelyMe, you put into words what i would wish for in a lover. else i'd rather have none.
@IamNobody Might explain the connection we are developing. Or is that just me?
@walklightly I agree that or nothing at all.
@CreativelyMe Nope, not just you. This is a two way street
Some people are perfectly happy being single. I know of quite a few. Some people feel the need to be with another but then have bad experiences and decide it is better being alone and not having to deal with other's problems. Some people have good relationships and are happy. Everyone is different.
JackPedigo
Level 9
June 2, 2018
4
@VictoriaNotes We've been around this before and part of me agrees. I would add people and circumstances are different. One can have both if each covets alone time and is able to get it. I discovered this in my last relationship and it made a big difference in my attitude about this issue.
@VictoriaNotes I agree and alone time is only a part of the equation. We have been around this issue so many times. I gave your posting some more thought and will post some more of my ideas.
Is being single the same as being alone? Because I'm miserably alone. I have single friends who go out and have physical relationships. I try to convince myself that such things aren't necessary. But even the lowliest monkey gets groomed by his troupe.
Count_Viceroy
Level 7
June 2, 2018
2
Sorry brother...
@Seeker55 That's what I'm wishing now, as I have no outlet for my pent-up affection. The marriage I ended a couple years ago was 99% sexless...so in aggregate, I've had sex once since 2010, and I'll never get those years back. As I age I understand (and fear) the expiration date for intercourse sex might be approaching coupled with my dating pool being mostly postmenopausal women that carry cleavers in their purses. I do not want to go through my end-run without having all the lovely touch sensations of a sexual experience again. But it isn't up to me alone.
I am happily single. I was married for 34 years, raised a family and lost my wife to a brain tumor. I have no desire to marry, co-habitate, go steady or be in a serious (emotional) relationship. I made this very clear back when I was on dating sites, but the message made things difficult.
GuyKeith
Level 8
June 2, 2018
2
Mike1947
Level 7
June 2, 2018
6
Is that statement not awfully cynical? It reminds me of the teenage years where one failure means everything similar is a failure, and should be avoided until the end of days. My brother too: one woman rejected him, and ALL the world's problems is because of women. Isn't it myopic by stuffing everyone into a pigeonhole some may not deserve? Would not this philosophy project fatal negativity into a budding relationship to make sure it would fail, to perpetuate the philosophy?
@Highway-Starr Yes,it could be taken the wrong way,I use sarcasm a lot,maybe a warped view of life perhaps.
Yup. Me, too. I've been single since 2010 and it's been GREAT.
birdingnut
Level 8
June 2, 2018
3
I see the logic in it, but emotionally I guess I'm nostalgic. Plus, jumping from relationship to relationship is rough on my psyche.
CallMeDave
Level 8
June 2, 2018
1
I have been single for 50 years after a divorce from my 1 and only marriage and I have lived alone for over 40 years. It is my lifestyle that I prefer and enjoy, giving me the freedom to live as I choose and associate with whomever I choose. If I had stayed with A, I never would have met B, if I had stayed with B, I never would have met C, on through the alphabet. Your mileage may vary.
jlynn37
Level 8
June 2, 2018
3
My ex-wife gets much more satisfaction from being single than being in a relationship, which I can understand, unfortunately don't feel the same way. Though I am learning to be single. Perhaps I would like a relationship at more of a distance, rather than a marriage.
Tomfoolery33
Level 9
June 2, 2018
0
@VictoriaNotes Yes, I can see that.
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I've become so comfortable in my routine as a single person that I don't know how I feel about dating. Open to the idea but so far I just keep turning away great guys because I'm not ready.
kc_anthony
Level 5
June 2, 2018
0
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