Agnostic.com
3 9

Televangelist Claims Alien Demon Posed as Her Husband While Trying to Have Sex with Her

Televangelist and “End Times” pastor Sharon Gilbert appeared on the Jim Bakker Show, claiming that shortly after she got married, an alien demon appeared in her bed, posing as her husband and tried to have sex with her. When she refused to believe it was her husband, it then claimed to be Xerxes - an ancient ruler of the Achaemenid Empire. At that point, she invoked the name of “Jesus Christ,” and the alien then revealed itself as a reptile along with a gang of gargoyles - at which time they all high tailed off.

Now, laugh if you want, but the way I understand it, this type of phenomena appears to be happening rather frequently in certain circles. Fact is, incidences of alien reptiles impersonating husbands of evangelical women in order to have sex with them, is apparently becoming more of a pressing issue with each passing day. A crisis which is being completely ignored by the mainstream media, I might add.

Well, all I can say is, thank God she had the wherewithal not to have sex with the damnable beast. I mean, can you even imagine what an insane divorce court proceeding that might have turned out to be? Anyway, I can just visualize her bravely confronting the beast, yelling out that old biblical phrase at the top of her lungs "Get thee behind me Satan! And, for heaven’s sake, how about using some lubrication this time!"

Of course, we all know that Rev. Sharon Gilbert is nobody’s fool. She knew there was “no possible way” this could have been her husband, because whatever this thing was - it actually wanted to “have sex with her.” No way that could have been her “Derek.” Now, I’ve seen her husband on their SkyWatchTV show, and my guess is that having sex with a lizard instead of Derek Gilbert - could only be considered an upgrade. But who am I to judge?

Anyway, I gotta admit those evangelicals really do come up with some terrific stories though. Hell, I dropped acid quite a few times way back when I was in college, and I never saw any shit like that. Frankly, this whole escapade sounds a helluva lot more like some “Pornhub” audition, than a church testimonial.

Of course, as we all know, Rev. Gilbert is just making all of this shit up. The truth is, as any herpetologist will happily tell you - no self-respecting reptile or serpent would ever wanna have sex with anything that’s actually more cold-blooded than it is. After all, alien demon lizards, do have their standards you know.

*If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve just read, please consider joining me at😘 [johnnyrobish.medium.com]

johnnyrobish 8 Nov 25
Share
You must be a member of this group before commenting. Join Group

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

3 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

3

Back when there were State Hospitals, my aunt worked on the "middle-aged woman" ward, which was wall-to-wall like this.

AnneWimsey Level 9 Nov 25, 2021
3

Excellent as usual!! 😉

Thank you!

5

I got very, very drunk on a works night out recently, but fortunately I have the powers of recognising such daemons before passing out.
I did see a few wandering about in the early hours though. Ah, Scotland on a Friday night.

Sofabeast Level 7 Nov 25, 2021

Recent Visitors 22

Photos 1,398 More

Posted by KilltheskyfairyAbusers always want you to think you are the problem…

Posted by johnnyrobishTHIS, is the essence of Capitalism...

Posted by KilltheskyfairyI don’t see any luxury purchases here…do you?

Posted by KilltheskyfairyJust a matter of time..

Posted by johnnyrobishTrump Endorsed Candidate Says She’d Vote to Ban All Contraceptives Emboldened by the Supreme Court’s likely decision to overturn Roe v Wade, Christian Nationalists are once again on the move.

Posted by JonnaBononnaI know I do!

Posted by johnnyrobishSpaceX Flight Attendant Says Musk Exposed Himself - Then Offered to Buy Her a Horse A report has surfaced that billionaire Elon Musk exposed himself to a former SpaceX flight attendant while on his...

Posted by johnnyrobishTrump Advises Dr.

Posted by johnnyrobishLife in America

Posted by johnnyrobishBuffalo Suspect Inspired by Racist ‘Great Replacement Theory’ It’s being reported that Payton Gendron, the 18-year-old Buffalo gunman who belonged to a global online fraternity of hate and ...

Posted by JonnaBononnaThis sayeth the lord

Posted by johnnyrobishAlex Jones Chastises Audience for Not Buying More at His InfoWars Store Shortly after declaring bankruptcy to avoid paying court-ordered restitution to the Sandy Hook families he had categorized as...

Posted by KilltheskyfairyThe wealth distribution in USA is a disgrace!

Posted by JonnaBononnaPretty much

Posted by johnnyrobishTrump Believed China was Secretly Creating Hurricanes to Hit the US Rolling Stone reports that a former Trump official told them the former president actually believed the Chinese government had ...

Posted by johnnyrobishMiss.

  • Top tags#video #DonaldTrump #politics #satire #republicans #world #hell #humor #comedy #News #money #laws #socialist #vote #god #government #hope #democrats #USA #truth #religion #media #friends #BernieSanders #kids #reason #religious #children #fox #Police #death #democratic #rights #WhiteHouse #guns #Texas #book #policy #sex #campaign #military #capitalism #florida #church #conspiracy #progressive #TheTruth #Christian #evidence #conservative ...

    Members 1,872Top

    Moderator