Rand Paul Pleads for Federal Aid After Years of Denying Aid to Everyone Else

Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky, who has voted against every single federal disaster relief package for the last 10 years, including help for victims of Hurricane Harvey, Hurricane Sandy, and the 9/11 victims fund - has now hurriedly dashed off a letter to President Joe Biden, pleading for “expeditious federal relief aid” to victims of a deadly tornado that struck a 200-mile path through his state.

Gee, so Rand Paul is now asking for some of that “socialist” federal aid? No kidding? Why, it’s almost as if sending out our “thoughts and prayers” just isn’t enough when it comes to his state. Well, then - I assume having Joe Biden fly in there and toss a bunch of paper towels at disaster victims - wouldn’t cut it either then? Funny, because Republicans sure seemed to think that was all the folks in Puerto Rico really needed/deserved.

Of course, President Biden will do the right thing, and come to the aid of those communities - because he isn’t the heartless, soulless, Social Darwinist that libertarian Rand Paul is. If he were, he’d probably be claiming this disaster is what Paul and his Republican pals like to refer to as a “false flag.” A “false flag” is anything Republicans feel doesn’t fit into that little socio-political-ideological box they’ve been selling to the masses.

You see, if Joe Biden were really like Rand Paul and the Republicans, he’d be out there claiming these tornados are simply a hoax, “designed by Republicans to make his presidency look bad.” He would then decide to not only ignore all this horrific tornado damage, but also imply that these tornadoes were “artificially created” by Donald Trump and Mitch McConnell - in an ultra-secret “Moscow tornado lab.”

Now, we on the left are different. We have something called “empathy,” which Republicans consider a “snowflake trait.” Here’s an example - 70 people died in Kentucky due to this tragic tornado event. On the other hand, over 11,500 people in Kentucky have died from COVID, yet Rand Paul is still trying to have Dr. Fauci arrested for doing all he can to prevent the virus from spreading. Of course, it’s not really Sen. Paul’s fault, for as we all know, math isn’t really a strong suit for many Republicans.

Now, wasn’t it Jesus who said "Disaster relief for ME, but NOT for thee.” Wait, my mistake - that was Pat Robertson! Put another way “I got mine, now screw you!” Anyway, there’s apparently nothing quite like a natural disaster that almost knocks on your front door - to turn a “Libertarian into a Socialist.” All I can say is, lucky for Sen. Paul that Joe Biden isn’t the “Soup Nazi” telling him “No socialism for you, Rand Paul!” Anyway, all I’m really saying is, in a perfect world, Joe Biden would take care of disaster relief, and Rand Paul's neighbor - would take care of Rand Paul.

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