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I had an epiphany today.

I realized that I'm not afraid of being in love. But, I'm very afraid of being the one who loves more.

By Duke8
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Don't keep tally and scores. It's a recipe for disaster.

dani2382 Level 5 June 15, 2018

Smart answer...



It's been my observation that there is often one partner who loves more in the beginning, and that love wins the other over and perhaps then the other partner's love feels stronger for a while, energized by the other's actions, and it goes back and forth with a bit of ebb and flow on each partner's side, rather than a steady constant level.

Julie808 Level 7 June 15, 2018

That is a great e ay to put it.


I’m scared to death of Love. And I also can’t wait to fall. ?

aw smile001.gif


I see you and raise you: I don't want to miss the dance. After everything I've gone through (put myself through?) post-divorce, I think I have healed from that mindset. I'm finally letting down the drawbridge and sending the moat monsters on a long vacay. This time, I'm going to live like someone left the gate open. Life's too short not to love. And who's to say who loves more? What are the criteria? All lives ebb and flow.

poetdi56 Level 7 June 15, 2018

Dont blame you there.... I had to ask myself that when I started dating again. What is

good question.


That is part of the discussion of "are you a reacher or taker" or who is higher on the attractiveness scale, or in intelligence, or has more of the qualities wanted. All things will never be equal because we're all individuals. You have to find someone who loves you enough that you love enough and your demons play well together and make the committment.


Brilliant comment! I think most people feel that way..


Nothing is ever 50/50 in a relationship. How do you measure more or less in love. Even if he or she is not in the same place as you, enjoy what you have. You can only control how you feel. Do they respect you? Treat you well? Care for you?

jab60 Level 6 June 15, 2018

Whoah! Is this a serious post? I kept re-reading it because you always post jokes! Anyway, if it is, don't worry. Just love.

GoldenDoll Level 7 June 15, 2018

@Duke Everyone feels better after a good stretch.


I am not afraid of being the one who loves more. I'm afraid of losing myself and my independence.

Yes, that is my fear too. I do it every time. I spend all my time thinking and doing everything for them, nothing for me. My love is too strong, it is suffocating. I've lost the 4 men I've loved due to that, then they got another woman and cheated. Love is tricky.

@StilInterested I avoided it this time.

If it's really REAL LOVE there is nothing but freedom. I would not have a love again if I had to be anything less than this new person I've become.

@poetdi56 I agree. That's how it's working for me, in my latest relationship. We're going strong at 6 years and counting. It was a hard learned truth.


I prefer to love more...being adored openly makes me uncomfortable, always has. So I kind of understand, I think........

AnneWimsey Level 8 June 15, 2018

I understand your point. To be openly adored puts me on guard and makes me distrustful.

Yes, being put on a pedestal scares me, as I know I will fall off it at some point and that will be painful. One can't be as perfect as someone expects all the time.

Ha!...always has?

@BucketlistBob oh, i can be perfect for long periods of time....abusive first husband assured That. But to hell with That!


I think I would prefer to be with someone I love more than someone who loves me more than I him. I don't remember ever thinking of this on either side of it.

gigihein Level 8 June 15, 2018

Funny you should write that. Today is my oldest brother's 49th anniversary. He wrote on FB today:
The first thing people ask is how we did it. That’s a difficult question, but if I had to put it in words I would say this: Each partner must love one another exactly the same. I know that sounds ridiculous, but over time it happens and when it does it never ends. In our case however, I think I’ve always loved her a little more.

It's been working for him.

Tecolote Level 7 June 15, 2018

LOVE is a wonderful feeling to give and to receive.

Sheannutt Level 9 June 15, 2018

The best feeling I ever had.


I've lived long enough (and loved often enough) to know that, in any relationship, there's ALWAYS one person who loves more than the other. Sometimes, that dynamic shifts and reverses. Love evolves. The tricky thing is to keep going once you get past the "I lust after you and can't wait one more minute to get you into bed" part and move into real day-to-day life.

LucyLoohoo Level 8 June 15, 2018

Don't bring that up on the first date.

SLBushway Level 7 June 15, 2018

He shouldn't be typing stuff on this forum that he wouldn't want a potential love interest to see. xD


Oh have I got some horror stories for you then ?

Wurlitzer Level 8 June 15, 2018

Equality In Love! ??

Coldo Level 8 June 15, 2018

Hey Duke,
I am with you, but I feel like some won't take the risk because they've been hurt. To love all the way without reservation is both the most spectacular thing you can do and the most dangerous. I remember more the times I've loved without reservation with great reverance and sometimes regret when I withheld.

I suppose it's about risk -

Gyanez Level 5 June 15, 2018

Well, quiet your fears, if you should lose guess is, there would not be a sliver of difference in the hurt, if you loved less! Broken hearts always hurt a lot!


Hmmm... This topic has really got me thinking introspectively about my last relationship. Perhaps an epiphany for me as well!

I see that I actually do suffer from this desire not to be the one who loves more... at least within my last relationship. I got burned early on, and so I now realize how my decision not to be the one who loved more allowed me to quasi enjoy the last 7 years of an 8 year relationship that had it good and bad points. My conscious decision not to be the one who loved more (after a heartbreak a year into it) was my defense mechanism to enjoy the practicalities of the relationship without investing emotionally as much as I did at first. No regrets though, and I fully believe that in a different situation, I would allow myself to love fully.

Julie808 Level 7 June 15, 2018

I think @Julie808 said it best. Because of our individuality and experience with love there might be one person who is able to love more, or harder or more easily. But that love is what will turn the head of another less trusting person. We all need to believe in this.We need to leap.

SukiSue Level 8 June 15, 2018

Sometimes we (and/or our love interests) have a little bit of baggage that keeps us from taking that leap, and we need more reassurance and proof before falling as deeply in love as we are loved. -- If we love someone, we just have to have faith that if it's true love, it will be returned, if we give that love the attention it deserves, and if not, well it's better to have loved and lost... as they say. -- For me, it's a risk that is worth a broken heart, to come to understand my love interest simply didn't have that true love I was seeking, and a better fit is either in my future, or that I can live happily without it.

@Duke , we all seem to have that fear in some way, eh? Good to hear others do too!


I am not afraid of being "in" love, I just do not want to be in that state. I have been "in" love in my life and just do not want to be there again. I do want to love and be loved and definitely feel that I do and I am.

jlynn37 Level 8 June 15, 2018

How do you do that? What do you say to yourself? I want to learn.

@StilInterested I can only answer that it is a conditioned mindset of what you want for yourself in your relationship with other humans.


Love is a comodity, if you love more, you are richer, until she finds out at least.


I do not like a clinging woman, I need my space; similarly, I cannot cling. I need my wife, considering my health. However, if she ask for a divorce, I believe I would sign, and hope to remain friends. I love her totally, and I'm satisfied that she loves me. A man may be head over heals in love, but not clingy. A man may give his life for mate, but should keep his self respect.

EdEarl Level 8 June 15, 2018
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