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Ok ladies, help me out here. Please help me understand and let me know what I'm missing. Here's the scenario: You're walking in your neighborhood park day or night with other people usually around. An unassuming man, wearing sweats, is approaching you from the opposite direction. As he passes, he says "hello." You ignore him and refuse to make eye contact. You do this because a) if you say hello and make eye contact you might get raped because rapists only rape friendly women or b) you're just anti-social and nothing says you have to say hello to a stranger or be polite. Is there another reason? Having a bad day perhaps? Should the man be impolite and not force a woman into such a horrible scenario by saying hello?

lerlo 8 June 18

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Or maybe it just ain't all about you, dude.

Jeez, someone blanked you, and you're getting so cut up about it that you're going to jump on the internet and start picking fights with people?!

She might have had earbuds in that you didn't see. She might have been distracted. She might have a past that makes her nervous of all strangers. She might be an introvert who finds interactions with strangers difficult. She might be a raging feminist lesbian. She might be an alien shapeshifter who is new to this whole having-a-human-body thang.

It. Doesn't. Matter.
She. Doesn't. Owe. You. A. Response.
She. Doesn't. Owe. You. Shit.

Get over it.
Get over yourself.
Move on.

Well jerk, I think people should be polite. You obviously didnt get that gene. Contrary to your projection I didnt take it personally, but I get to ask the question. Perhaps the next time you don't like a question here, especially one directed to women, you should pass it by. Because I don't owe you shit. Wonder who is jumping on the internet picking fights with people--do you have a mirror?--get over yourself dude.

@lerlo I thought you'd respond. Wouldn't be able to let it slide.
Did you really just come back with 'I know YOU are but what am I?'
What, are you, like, 12?
I liked, no, loved the question. Because the more that entitled wankers get slapped down on these sort of forums, the less of their bullshit the ladies will have to endure

@MrBeelzeebubbles yes you didn't think I'd give you the last word did you mr. God. Didn't think I'd have to go through you to ask a question but I will not from now on either. Let me guess whether you'll respond to this


it is okay to say hello. it is also okay to understand that the person to whom you're saying hello may have been raped once, may be distracted by worries and only really be half aware you even spoke, may not like your looks, may like your looks but be shy, may not speak english, may be an unfriendly person (and how does that impact your life for more than a moment?) or may be deaf. those are only SOME of the possibilities. i wouldn't fret over it. your a and b scenaria are not very likely.



It’s interesting because I’m super smiley and friendly . . . and I’ve said hello to men while walking at my local park and they don’t say anything in response. Same happens with some women. I think there are lots of complicated issues here and not a simple explanation. I try not to take it personally. On a side note: I consider 3 of the young people I work with incredibly unfriendly, so I don’t think it necessarily has to do with age.


Where I come from it is normal for people to say hello to complete strangers. I do it every day if the week. I would have said hello back, and probably (being British) have added something about the weather that day....nice day...colder today or some such thing, Seems pretty innocuous to me.


There are a million possible reasons. I would not take it personally. Now if you saw the same person a couple times a week for a month, because you frequent the same park. That's something else.


Maybe social anxiety?


Would you even be asking this if it was a man? Who knows? We don't read minds. Perhaps her dog just died, she's remembered her library book is overdue or just doesn't like the way you look. Perhaps she responded too late and missed the opportunity to reply. Perhaps she's deaf. Rape? Most women are all too aware that 90% of rapes are perpetrated by people they know unfortunately ( because 1 in 4 women have had this experience. Rape is about a power struggle, disrespect and dominance. Maybe this starts with thinking because you say, 'hello' they are obliged to respond (because they are female?) Who knows?

"Who knows." Apparently because you don't know the answer I can't ask the question. As I said to another poster I'll ask the man question next if that's important to you. If you notice, I threw in "bad day" as a possibility, I was looking for some insight that maybe I overlooked. In my world it's just polite to say hello back no matter what your gender is, sorry it conflicts with your world. I wouldn't ask the question if it didn't happen regularly so perhaps there is an epidemic of people's dogs dying

No one is required to say hello to you. Have you ever considered that maybe you appear or come off as a douche and women refrain from saying hello simply because they don't want to engage you?

@CaroleKay another genius. Brilliant. I could ask you what a douche looks like but I bet you have a definition regardless of whether I look better than the douche I said hello to but again what do I know... who am I to ask such a bullshit question right? Feel better now?

@lerlo it doesn't conflict with my world. I would have said hello. But your leap to a conclusion about rape I find bizarre and concerning.

@lerlo it is possible that the young ladies in the area have been discussing the fact that a (add your own adjective) chap says hello in the park and they don't like it. But I'm not like most people, so probably not the best person to ask.

@lerlo social customs change. I saw a shocking list the other day that had to tell people not to trim/clip their nails on an airplane. ...and I thinking of the times I said “hello” to someone and they told me their entire life story. I don’t necessarily worry about that in a park, though.


Possibilities: she's shy, self conscious, or even distracted (ear buds in, perhaps?). Funny, but shy kids who grow into shy adults are often viewed as snobs. It's like the rules changed but the child turned adult didn't.

Zster Level 8 June 18, 2018

Good point. Along those lines, given the nature of this site, we think it's cute when little kids have imaginary friends because they will grow out of that but apparently the rules change when you're an adult and believe in an imaginary friend (god)

@lerlo Similar, indeed!


I really like to smile and be friendly. I would like to feel free to exchange a few words with people as I meet them informally but it just isn't done anymore. This new loss of sociability can't be good for anyone but I think we need to go with the flow so as not to worry people.

As is the purpose of my question. If saying hello worries people we're in deeper shit than I think we are.

@lerlo Deep doo-doo. Smartphone essential. Headphones optional.


If she doesn't say hi, so what? You assume that only women do this?

No assumption. Men do it too but probably arent afraid of getting raped. I'll ask that question next if you want. Thanks for answering the question

@lerlo FYI -- most women aren't raped by strangers. So the idea that they don't say hi to a male stranger because they're afraid of getting raped doesn't gel. They're probably just as likely to not say hi to a woman if they're not there to be social.

@VictoriaNotes well if you read some of the women's comments here apparently if you let them into your circle they aren't strangers anymore.

@lerlo I did read them. Other's also said they would smile, or there could be a number of other reasons. What's your point?

@VictoriaNotes re-read what I said to understand my point, just don't change it

@VictoriaNotes, @NotAndrew guess you'll have to wait for the exciting conclusion of the next question. Or perhaps Not Andrew youve also heard of men not saying hello to somebody cuz they don't want to let them into their circle

@lerlo So? Reread what I said. Again, what's your point? Do you expect every person you say hi to, say hi back?

@lerlo Also, do you say hi to every person you pass by, male and female?

@VictoriaNotes YES I do. It's called being polite. I expect people to say hello when I say hello and I expect people to say thank you when I hold a door open for them, and yes I hold it open for anyone who is behind me, male or female.

@VictoriaNotes YES I do. The purpose of my original question if you read it it was to find out why people might not do that and I was looking for rational reasons not just some abnormal false sense of security. Of course like every other post here you are free to ignore them but last I checked it's okay for me to ask a question.

@lerlo Again, as @cyntemp mentioned, as well as others, that could happen for a number of reasons. But if someone expects every person to return a hello then the problem is with them, not the others.

@VictoriaNotes This might be hard for you to understand but there is a difference between expecting people to do things and understanding why they may not. Which brings me back to the reason for the question in the first place. Thanks for the exercise in futility.

@lerlo No one owes you a thank you or a hello.

@VictoriaNotes and you're free to act in any way you want and blame the other person for their reaction

@Faithless1 just your opinion and your determination of tone. Free country to have any expectation I want, just like your stated expectations of me. "irritated sounding" based on your ears instead of baseless attacks on my right to ask a question. Feel free to ignore future posts of mine at your leisure.


That could happen for any number of reasons. Don't make any assumptions and don't take it too seriously.

No assumptions made--asking for explanations

@lerlo your rape and antisocial comments sound like assumptions to me but i'll give it a shot...... maybe the last strange man she returned the hello to harassed her? maybe it's a regional thing, she comes from a part of the country where strangers don't commonly greet each other on the steet? maybe she's deaf? maybe she's got something else on her mind? maybe she's already said hello to 3 or 4 strangers and she just wants to get to where she's going?


Talking to someone invites them into your circle, period.
And inviting strangers into your circle is a Bad, Bad idea!
WTH possessed this dickwad to address a stranger of Any sex?!

Just FYI, the guy would be out of your "circle" in about 3 steps. Some people are friendly and say hello to people that probably live in their town. I know that's an astounding possibility.

@lerlo since when does a gentleman expect to engage a woman in the street in conversation? In the 50's that alone would get you arrested.....
Mind your business, keep have no way of knowing the woman you are subjecting to your "politeness" may have had a bad encounter before or not, you may be causing her flashbacks or fear. How is that "polite"?

@AnneWimsey ok, I'll bite. Show me the law that said saying hello to a stranger will get you arrested because I searched and I can't find it. Based on your theory you will never say anything to anyone because you never know what they've been through in life. Sound okay to you? Maybe you'll make it out of the 50s one day. Since apparently it's not the 50s anymore, why do you think the law changed?

@lerlo wow, I am only writing to you and your misplaced aggression towards reasonable explanations is getting damned scary.
But, since I worked in a shipyard for 13 years, you get what you deserve....interesting how you completely ignored my comment that you might frighten/ upset some women, isn't it? And get all mouthy & aggressive about it? You are one of those "gentlemen" that complain women are "impolite" when you are trying to invade their space uninvited, unwanted, and completely oblivious to their wants, needs, and fears!

@lerlo oh, and those laws you "can't find"? Look under "accosting" or "verbal battery" or perhaps "threatening", and Read Them!

@AnneWimsey sorry under NO definition in the world is "Hello" accosting, verbal battery or threatening--provide them and I will read them. Not sure what law school you went to.

@AnneWimsey He's getting flagged as a troll and so are his posts.

@CaroleKay thanks for letting me know! I just adore strangers demanding I smile & say hello.......we all do! Fathead!

@lerlo uuummm unwanted unasked for interfering actions, whether physical or verbal, are classified, rightly, as 'assault". Insisting women have to tolerate it, nay, like it, is classified as Insane! I hope the next woman you assault/accost/ threaten is carrying, she's gonna need to be when you fly into a tantrum because you have been "disrespected"!
You need help!

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