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Why are there so many people who are lonely? Why is it so hard for people to make real connections when almost everyone wants to make real connections?
What is your advice on how to ameliorate this situation?

nicknotes 8 June 22

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2

Some great comments here. This site is a good start for folks to find those with similar likes and attitudes.

Thank you for your support....

1

I doubt there is one absolute answer to those questions. I can only speak for myself. I'm lonely because I'm shy and not good at meeting people and not attractive and I don't have much of a social life. Blind dates don't interest me, bars are creepy, and I think it would be a bad idea to date anyone at work (assuming I was interested in anyone there). I've accepted the likely fact that I'll remain alone for the rest of my life and though I'd rather it not be so, I can accept it.

That is a tough road. But she's out there waiting for you. Don't give up..LOOK.

0

Maybe people feel there is something wrong with a person who is lonely. I think lonely people feel the same way. There's a natural desire not to be around people who have something wrong with them, like avoiding a disease. So the lonely avoid the lonely, ensuring loneliness..

Only the lonely
Know the way I feel tonight
Only the lonely
Know this feeling ain't right
There goes my baby
There goes my heart
They're gone forever
So far apart
But only the lonely
Know why I cry
Only the lonely
Only the lonely
Only the lonely
Know the heartaches I've been through
Only the lonely
Know I've cried and cried for you

Roy Orbison

@nicknotes Get back to me when you have something original to say.

Don't you like music? As you read the words couldn't you hear the music in your mind? @brentan

2

Some say it's the result of the American custom of sticking bottles in babies' mouths and dropping them off at the babysitters while the mothers work. Studies show that children who were given prolonged nursing, held and cuddled a great deal, etc. had a happy, optimistic outlook on life, were steady, and loved themselves.

At least one study showed it actually changed the babies' genetics to be cuddled.

Cuddling Babies Regularly Can Actually Improve Their Genetics, Study Suggests [womansworld.com]

I can't imagine anyone not enjoying a warm intimate cuddling.

1

Maybe it's much like two mating Porcupines,slowly,carefully,two many sharp edges in personalities,or excess "baggage" poisoning future romantic relationships?

Excellent analogy. But perhaps people are too cautious.

@nicknotes Fear of failure,lack of "Backbone" perhaps? As in my case,I'm a lover not a fighter,willing to stand back and observe,and not get too involved.

Standing back in the shadows observing can be interpreted as lack of interest. Jump in and see what happens. @Louise1920

@nicknotes Ya,low paying jobs,and dating rejections did not help.

Sorry to hear that. @Louise1920

@nicknotes At one point,before running an ad in a singles paper in San Diego,I was dateless for 16 years finally got the courage to run it,my wife to be read it and after dating married in 1990.

That is terrific....I love happy stories. @Louise1920

@nicknotes Kinda bittersweet,cancer got her after 27 years she smoked from High School,quitting maybe 36 years ago but too late,so I've the pictures and memories,now.

I'm sorry for your loss. She's gone but you can invest yourself in a new relationship. She loved you and would certainly want you to be happy now. @Louise1920

1

Stop trying so hard.

Good advice.

1

I blame it on Eleanor Rigby. But as mentioned before this, it's hard to find someone that thinks like you. I am fine being by myself lots of the time.

Ah look at all the lonely people
Ah look at all the lonely people
Eleanor Rigby, picks up the rice
In the church where a wedding has been
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window, wearing the face
That she keeps in a jar by the door
Who is it for
All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

The Beatles got it right.

2

as an atheist only looking to find a like mind. you have to be patient, or lucky. lucky if you find someone near you ,of the same age range, and mutual attraction and other things in common other than being a non believer. . being atheist are rare and spread out. i have an established company, for over 20 years in this area, and took on flipping houses on top of that, i committed myself to this area, for the next few years , until we open a branch at the beach, or i make enough money to just pick up and move, so that limits me , unless i meet a women willing and able to move here. which i doubt, most my age are just as committed to their area as i am to mine.

2

Some of it boils down to people not being their authentic selves. They are too afraid.

Some of it is down to capitalism. It costs money to socialise and travel. You can't go to the cinema like you used to. Everything costs more these days.

Some of it is cultural. We watch other people live their lives, through television. (Again, capitalism, because it costs money to do stuff.)

Much of it is down to social skills, or lack of.

Good points. Some of these "problems" can be "fixed." Money is probably the hardest to fix. If people are aware of their shortcomings perhaps they can take corrective action. However I expect that many people are oblivious of their faults and easily get insulted if someone tries to point out their flaws.

Yes,the mention of the movies(Cinema for some),the refreshments(snacks) cost more than the ticket to attend did,If a family of 4 or 5 go,you'd better hock something, or take out a small loan for the expense.

1

Only if I knew....

Do you know now?

1

I have this diffculty

Maybe the man of your dreams will read your comment and contact you.....

2

Most people are afraid of exposing themselves to others and I am not talking about taking of your clothes. They are afraid that if people really knew them than that knowledge would be used against them on a later date and that unfortunately leads to limited communication. And there you have the circle of not connecting.

2

Two suggestions: 1. be your own best friend and 2. lower your expectations. Nice post, nicknotes.

Thanks for the compliment.

2

I dunno. I have the unenviable conundrum of being an extrovert with social anxiety. I need to be around people, but I'm afraid of once again being ignored or rejected or told I'm annoying.

3

Hell if l know.

2

Just be yourself !

People always say that but I'm so often told 'myself' is annoying. I'd rather be someone who isn't annoying, but that never seems to work.

@memorylikeasieve
Then change for the better, help others more than yourself, then just be ?

@VAL3941 I do that. It's more like me trying to be confident ends up with me just being, as they said in the 80s, a 'spaz.'

4

We are taught to be competitive, to be independent and outdo others so offering support and encouragement is foreign to most of us. So many of us are too busy seeking something we are not giving, so offer support, encourage others, check in on sick friends, say thank-you, give eye contact, hold the door, pay for an extra coffee....if we all did little things to show kindness to others it would change.
I personally smile at nearly everyone and even offer an occasional hug to someone I can sense needs one but I tell them it is for me. "Could I hug you? I really need hugs and I don't know anyone in the area." I have only been told no twice in the past decade. I also make little trinkets and give them out randomly when I am sad or depressed because they really make people feel noticed and the energy in the entire place changes sometimes. It does not take much more than a sincere thank you, your help is appreciated for us to feel noticed but far too often people only speak up when they are mad. Even as a waitress I gave free coffee or discounts to the nice people because they assholes always got stuff free but the kind people usually get abused or ignored.

I enjoyed reading your comment. I think you are doing well by reaching out to others and making them feel appreciated. I feel good having read your wonderful thoughts.

@nicknotes Thank you so much for saying that. Your comment in turn brought a joyful smile to my face and uplifted my mood. Too cool! <3

Now I'm smiling because you are smiling. A smiling happy face is beautiful and is so much easier to approach. @CreativelyMe

5

I don't feel lonely often, I did feel painfully lonely when I was younger. I was lucky to make some solid connections when I as younger. THey accepted me as I was/am. I think there is a lot more flexibility in youth and now I am more like I am now than I ever was before. 🙂 I used to compromise a lot more but am less willing to do so now.I won't compromise just to be with someone. (on certain issues) I am a fairly eccentric person and don't expect to be an easy match

btroje Level 9 June 23, 2018

They say there is a lid for every pot....who knows.... your match may be out there....you just haven't found each other YET.

I'm the same way. I consider myself eccentric as well. I don't think it's a very attractive quality for many.

@Kojaksmom I just think it is confusing for the average person

@btroje you might be right.

@nicknotes If they are really a match for me I will gladly send them a map. THey have been lost a long time 🙂

4

Would be good to know that answer. We could put it in a bottle and sell it.

azzow2 Level 9 June 23, 2018

Eau de Confidence.

Excellent idea.

You reminded me of the "Wizard of Oz" Who needs courage when you have medals? Who needs a brain when you have a diploma. Who needs confidence when you have Eau de Confidence. @memorylikeasieve

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