My sister in law is looking into getting Social Services to make an assessment of living conditions. On the medical side I'm trying to get my Dad to press her doctor for tests. My older brother lives in the house with them but isn't a very good caretaker. Basically he lives there because my Mom wants to keep babying him. He wouldn't even change light bulbs or batteries; I did those when I visited recently, took only a few minutes. Between me and my younger brother and his wife, we are compiling information and observations to see which is the best direction to follow. My parents and my older brother don't like outsiders meddling in so it would be tough to get them to cooperate. Forcing things could backfire on us who are really trying to help.

@graceylou I am sorry, its a tough route, I have been there. There are support groups for family members which should be linked under Alzheimer website. You are eligible to join even if you are not a direct care takers. There are lot of good stuff happening to help the family members. Most and all are free to caregiver, family members. Until unless you are trying to get CE credits and you work in the same field and you need to get continue education credit to renew your license. Otherwise public are invited. Most universities, hospitals, drug companies, are doing lot of educational seminars. You don't have to live in the same state of your parents to attend them. At my first visit to the doctor with my dad, the doctor turned around and told me I am the one who need help. She told me to find support groups and join them. Yu can do all this on your own with the help of the internet. Its a nice place to discuss your issues, assimilate with others who are in the same boat as yours. Most of the CE, events I went to had a very nice feel, with appetizer, vendors, goodie bags, gifts etc. You get to talk to MD, lawyers, nurses, agencies etc. Visiting physicians worked for my dad. It took me 2 years but I was able to find a visiting physician in my area. They came home, did all the test, brought all the machines, etc. In the end everything was much smoother than what I started out with. You did the right thing to reach out to this group here, and sounds like you are organizing yourself for the turmoil. You are a good daughter, I wish you lot of luck.

@Arshi Since we are in Canada, the processes might be a little different. With socialized health care, while we have most services covered by the government, we are also at the mercy of the health care system. We almost have no say in how care is to be given and when. My Mom's exams and tests will all be free of charge, including visits to specialists, and I believe medications are also covered to a certain amount in their province (health care is provincial). But at the same time, they also have long wait times for care and services. Whatever we try to do will be a slow process. At this point in time, we need to figure out what is really going on with my mom. Her doctor doesn't seem to think it's an urgent matter. And my mom thinks she's just forgetful. My brother and sister in law are probably in the best position to figure out what we should do since they live in the area and know the health care system there better.

@graceylou, I am so silly I didn't even bother to check you are in Canada. have a good one.

Since I live in Canada, Cannabis will be legal nationwide for medicinal and recreational use in October. I’m not sure how physicians are going to incorporate it into their practice.

@graceylou You don't need a doctor..you can buy CBD oil anywhere and I take cannabis oil for cancer on my own..nothing to do with doctors.

Sometimes when people have to go to the hospital it can exacerbate symptoms
We file memories in categories
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Like rooms. It is why we leave one and get in other room and can't recall. Then start back or go back to shere we started we remember. Some states have in home services when spouse can not care for other

My mom was in control of household things most of our lives. She still tries but things are getting out of control. The house is going into disrepair. I'm pretty sure she won't even know who I am soon.

That is why I want her checked out. We don't know for sure it's dementia. But my dad having been a doctor and my aunties who are also retired medical professionals all suspected dementia. Apparently, her doctor has done her bloodwork and didn't say anything. I am suspecting her overuse of random dietary supplements may be interacting with her medication. I don't think she tells her doctor she is taking all these supplements. The onset of this issue seems to coincide with the overuse of supplements. I had told her to check with her doctor a couple of years ago before taking them. She said her doctor didn't need to know. My dad had warned her about the supplements but she said he just didn't want her to be healthy.

@graceylou it may be time for assisted living? One of the Huge perks is medication dispensing/supervision.

Definitely. It's hard for family members. I can't imagine being them in this confusing world.

@graceylou Maybe someday there will be advanced therapies and drugs to combat this scourge of the elderly(and those not yet in that catagory). Autism is another mysterious brain disorder,why at a certain age do they quit talking and shut down?

We are trying to figure out how to make arrangements for better care at home and to have better care from the doctors. At this point I don't think it's helpful to go along with her thinking and she can be corrected. At some point, we will just have to go with it. I don't think it's fair with my mom right now to not tell her the truth instead of just going along. But I can see later on it would not convince her at all no matter what we say.

@graceylou Early on, yes, but do it gently. The degree of denial is usually pretty high and someone with disordered thought processes is generally not going to be able to be objective about their own situation. It would be good if during her more lucid moments you can ask her to participate in decisions about her wishes. We did that with my mom, but in the end, some of her wishes were trumped by the very real difficulties keeping her safe and uninjured. However, I feel that it does show respect and letting them keep their agency with small things is good. For example, if you ask someone if they want something to drink, they might say "I'm fine" (not eating or drinking enough fluid becomes a significant problem as the disease progresses), but if you ask them if they would prefer iced tea or some juice and give them the chance to make a decision, they'll choose one and drink it. That sort of thing.

@graceylou Doctors seem a bit torn on how effective some of this medication that is supposed to slow down the progress of the disease is. I know my mother's doctor didn't want to prescribe anything for her, either. It was a source of frustration to me, but you know, they'd been going to him for decades and refused to get a second opinion. Sigh.

@seaspot_run Yeah, totally understand. I don't know my parents' doctor at all. But he doesn't seem to be a good one. I asked my mom if she had her bloodwork done recently and she said of course. I asked what did the doctor say. She said he didn't say anything. I don't know if she lied or he really didn't go over it with her. I can't imagine she has no issues since she's on several meds. Seriously, now the policy is you can make a doctor's appointment for one concern/ailment only (say a rash). If you have more than one concern (say a rash and an arthritic wrist), you will have to make two appointments. Older people will have multiple concerns, so this means they will have to go to numerous appointments just to have their issues addressed. It's hard for them to get around as it is. My mom's solution is to just not bother to go. While I was there, I took a call from the referring clinic for an osteoarthritis specialist and since my mom was in the shower to took down the phone number and made sure it was correct. My mom then called the number and the specialist clinic did not have her name down for anything. My mom just said ok, hung up, and said it doesn't matter anyway. I would have fought that receptionist until she found her name but it wasn't my business.

I am certainly going to do all I can to avoid going into that path. My mom was an avid cook and baker. Now she can barely get herself together to do any of that.

It seems there's been a lot that's proposed as a cause, even dietary fats that clog arteries in the brain. I don't recall anyone else in the family with the disease. Her brother had died early. Her sister as far as I know is doing pretty well. Their parents died relatively young by today's standards. Yeah, what part of it is just aging and what part a neurological disorder, who knows.

I've read of a severe case of a Man in his 30's with extremely early onset. I suppose it can strike at any age.

Yes, I know a bit about dementia and alzheimer's Definitely not thorough enough. It's not early onset. My mom is 74 and this just started the last year or so. I'm not sure if there's a pattern with her since I'm not close by to observe.

Agree this sounds like sundowning which can be a huge problem for the caregiver. Try to keep them from sleeping during the day. The caregiver needs to sleep and they can't if the person they are caring for is up wandering all night.

Thanks, yeah. I'm a little miffed that others are talking around her and not to her about this. That's my feeling at least anyway. While she still has part of her mind intact, I want her to understand what is happening and pursue her own care in this matter. I knew how rough it was for my friend with her dad. I knew him well too, for years and years. He doesn't recall who I am at all, when it used to be, Hey there Grace, how is everything going? What are you girls up to (with the Irish accent).

That is a big issue. My dad has a problem with his eyesight and cannot drive obviously; he can barely walk around. My older brother is designated as a live in caregiver but he does very little in the way of care giving. Trying to get an outside caregiver in would be a challenge because my parents have refused outside help, especially strangers. We have been trying to get them to sell their house (worth close to $ 1 million) and move to a smaller more manageable space, but that has gone nowhere. My older brother lives with them and my dad worries about him, where he would go and how he would do on his own!!! I live a 14 hour drive away and obviously cannot simply visit anytime.

this is the kind of post I wish we had something other than a "like" button on this site. It's true that caregiver stress is often a factor in fracturing marriages. We are sandwich generation often torn between our own children who are still to some extent needing our support and financial help and our parents who may have Alzheimers/Dementia. Delayed childbearing is only going to make this more common where people who are still in their 40's are caring for children and also their parents who are now in their 70's and early 80's and having cognitive decline. Hugs.

At this point, I'm not sure I can laugh at the stuff she does. To me they are scary. My dad told me she woke up one night and asked where my younger brother was. Well, he's been living with his wife in their apartment for 15 years but my mom was worried that he hadn't come home yet. I saw her plug in an electric kettle to boil water. About 10 minutes later, she asked me and my aunts, Who boiled the water?. We had to tell her that she did. She didn't recall at all that she did. Luckily it's the kind that turns itself off when it's done boiling. I told her I worry she might turn on the stove and forget about it. She said she wouldn't and doesn't do that although my dad said that she had done that.

@graceylou As the disease progresses,your mom may want to find her Parents,and wander off,locking the doors with a key may be one way to stop her from doing this. I was reading something about an inventor who made socks with sensors that would trigger an alarm,when the patient go up from bed. There's many items now, that help deal with this disease.

@graceylou yeah its hard to deal with alzheimer's. My dad had what they call sundowners, and he would wonder in the middle of the night, one time he took off in the snow, naked and barefoot. that scared the shit out of us, some how in the snow storm he made it to the eagles, about 3 miles away. we never figured out how he did that. He said, i just wanted a beer man. but we got him home safe and sound. atleast he didn't turn stoves on, but he would take frozen goods out of the freezer and take them back to bed with himself and naw on them though. mostly steak so it wouldn't make him sick or anything. but still. all you can do is keep an eye on them, when they bad enough, retirement home is a good idea, cuz they keep track of them on every move, doing that though, one should always visit every day, i would visit my dad when we put him in a home we would visit him (me and mom) 3 to 5 times a day. its hard though, this disease is truly evil on all levels. Just before my father passed away, he couldn't even feed himself walk or anything.

@Louise1920 I've heard about the wanderings. My friend's dad sometimes took the car keys and drove somewhere and then not know where he was. He's at a care facility now, but he escaped twice from the supposedly secure residence. He was found once by the police wandering outside in mid-winter in just his pajamas and slippers. I really want the doctors to start dealing with this issue as soon as possible and not wait.

@graceylou My dad took the took the car keys (280 bucks for a new one!) and lost them, and we never foudn them, we sold the house when mom and dad both passed away, we never found the keys any where. no clue what ever happened to them. go figure. just glad he never tried to drive, that would have been super bad.

@cobra3282000 Yup. My friend's dad used to wake up early in the morning and roused my friend because he was late for work. He has been retired for a long time. Nothing could convince him so she had to load him up in the car and drive him to his old work place and the workers there kinda played along then she'd drive him home and all would be ok, until the next morning. Once he went into her room in the middle of the night and asked her who that old woman was in the room with him upstairs. She said that's his wife, and he said no that's not and that my friend was his wife. My friend had to lock her bedroom after that.