I am hurting my brain with this one so I need a little help.
Okay... how to start. It was a situation that I walked away from with a lot of questions and concerns about the world. It was something that while I tried to suppress out of my inability to change anything, greatly affected me and has troubled my mind on numerous random occasions throughout the years since it happened. It is also something I have never told anyone about in my life. Literally this is the first time I am even talking about this to any kind or number of audience.
So back before I was in the army, I was living with my aunt in an unnamed city (for consideration of the person involved) and I was new to the area and had only been there a few weeks. I was checking out some local areas and trying to meet people. The first person I met, I won't say her name, but we will call her, Autumn. We were both sitting in the park one evening, on opposite benches and made eye contact. We both smiled at each other and she almost impulsively grabbed her bag and got right up to walk over and sit down next to me and we began talking and having a great time. She was a beautiful girl and was very welcoming. Very sweet. We spent the evening together walking around and talking and after several hours I walked her back to her place and she casually invited me in. As you might have guessed things got intimate fairly quickly. That is when things got unusual. Don't get me wrong the sex was great but like..... unusually so. She was hyper-sexual is the best way I can describe it. She seemed like a perfectly normal sweet girl, we were around the same age in our 20's, seemed to get along great at first. After an interesting sexual experience we stopped almost abruptly. She began crying and saying "I'm sorry I'm sorry". I had no idea why but I just tried to comfort her the best I could. I had no idea what was going on. She had something of a breakdown and told me a lot of things that sometimes I wish I could un-hear. She had severely abusive parents her entire life. Social services she said was completely useless. Her parents were really good actors apparently. They blended in like perfectly normal people day to day. But sounded like brutal psychopaths in the home. She described nights when her father would just burst into her room at night while she is sleeping, angry about something completely unrelated to her, and just beat her senseless for no reason. Apparently her mother and few years older brother were no better. Her brother was also a victim to their parents but he also brutalized her as the common enemy. Sometimes the parents would hold her down while her brother "punished her". It had been going on since she was a child and no one had done anything. Some may be quick to think maybe she was just making it up for attention, and for a second it had crossed my mind as well.... But this girl was genuinely pouring her heart out in front of me. She described a myriad of mental disorders that she suffered from as a result. And I did not doubt any of them for a second because since the moment she started crying, all the symptoms of those conditions came pouring out of her. I could literally point out her symptoms in my head as she displayed them. I found out as she told me, her hyper-sexual behavior is a severe symptom of her trauma I guess. Now remember, when we met she acted totally normal. I never would have guessed she was anything but happy until we got back to her place. manic depression, bi-polar, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, PTSD.... She was dealing with more than I could even imagine and it was all so bad that she actually struggled to simply function in normal society and hold a steady job or even get hired because of her medical history. When I came to the full realization, how truly traumatized this beautiful, perfectly normal looking girl really was under the surface, I nearly broke down. I gave her a short and sweet goodbye a few days later and never saw her again. I could no longer bear to see her anymore knowing all that because I wanted deeply to help her but I knew there was nothing in my power that I could do then. I did not even fully know what I was dealing with. I don't have a degree in psychology I just read about it a lot, especially back in those days, I knew far less than I know now even. It literally made me sick to my stomach because everything in me wanted to rescue her and I felt powerless. I felt so powerless and sad about the whole thing I just tried to forget about it.
But over the years that night seems to almost haunt my brain every now and again. I got to thinking of her tonight as I was reminded of her while watching something. I did a search for her name. All I remember is her first and last and what her face looks like. I could never forget those things, especially her face after seeing her completely break down, obviously crying for much needed help... and I could do nothing. I mean literally. Financially I was barely supporting myself at the time, and I had no means of helping her in any way other than being a friend but after that my stomach felt like a bottomless pit every time I saw her. Well I found several people with the same name and narrowed it down on the white pages to a listing that has the same address I remember us being at. I remembered where it was because it was close to where we met and the white pages had a map view. The address and name were a match. The question is, Should I try and call? Should I try and call and reconnect, maybe be the friend I thought I couldn't be back then? The reason I want to is.... Well, I just can't help but wonder how she is doing. If she is okay. Has she gotten help in any way. I just can't shut my mind up about it. I want to know if she is okay. I don't know why I just do. But I am nervous maybe she won't even remember me. Then I might just sound like some kind of stalker lol.
I don't know. I just remember being so sad about it and I feel bad that I did not do more to help her. Even though we barely knew each other, I felt like I had abandoned her like everyone else when she asked for help. Should I give it a try or no? What would I even say?