I don't know that love is exactly equal to pain. It certainly needn't be. But it is certainly equal to some nonzero chance of pain, possibly considerable. As well as disappointments of various kinds. Along with that comes the chance for joy and transcendence and a bunch of other nice things ... hopefully reliably copious amounts thereof.

I have come to the place where I regard close relationships as investing considerable effort in mapping out and figuring out how to interact with the neuroses, hot buttons, hangups, prejudices, area of smallness, and limitations of a partner as well as their best and extraordinary qualities. And then compromising your own needs around those things so as not to be pulled down in the undertow of your partner's "shadow", nor pull them down in yours. All this while being reasonably true to yourself.

This is no small order. And it doesn't take into account the simple fact that people change, and even when it's change for the better from their perspective (personal growth) it may constitute growing apart from your perspective. The simple act of transitioning from "living together" to "making it official" can change the relationship dynamic and shift the participant's main concerns / fears, too.

It is no wonder that at least half of all marriages end in divorce, and common sense tells you that only a small minority of the ones that don't officially break down, can leave one or both partners somewhere between "settling" and profoundly disappointed.

Because of this and other factors like the gigantic investments many want to make in higher education, etc., I'm of the view that few people are well-advised to marry before their 30s, or even their 40s. You have to know yourself well and be a good judge of other's character as well, to even hope to have good results with a life partner.

Of course that's easier said than done as there are many, many pressures to hurry such things along.

If we could push average lifespan (and healthspan) out by a factor of about 2, one might have the time and energy to find a really good match. As it is -- if I could have somehow magically known at age 19 what I know now, I probably would have flown solo the whole way.

@MarilynRoman That's still pretty vague. I can be physically vulnerable (injured, not paying attention), emotionally vulnerable (giving someone my heart and having them rip it apart). How's that?

@MarilynRoman I can mention a few. That there are some that the moon landing was a hoax, that the earth is flat. That evelolution is just a 'theory',. the list goes on and on.

@MarilynRoman thanks for the invite, but it was a play on the word vulnerable.

@Solar1 I’m a social worker. I suffer empathy every day.