Agnostic.com

31 3

I’ll be visiting my mother in less than a month. She lives in a different state and is overly Christian. What recommendations do you have for me to remain sane? She doesn’t know I’m an atheist, she probably just thinks I’ve pushed god to the side in the last 5 years. I plan on going to the gym, yoga and even practicing jiu jitsu! I also notified my cousins so that they take me out at night. But as a good daughter I need to spend quality time, I KNOW she will get sneaky and try something. Ugh.

Mariv357 5 July 9
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

31 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

5

Dont tell her... I'm sure your yoga breathing will help you. 🙂

5

I was brought up as a non-believer, so it's hard to know what you might be going through.
That being said, I have quite a few friends that are believers that I have a great relationship with.
I guess what I am trying to say is that if your mother really loves you, it's possible that she will still accept you even though you might have a difference towards God, and or religion. Although I've known some friends that have 'come out' as a non-believer, and they were met with distain and even shunned by friends and family. That is something I've dealt with with some so called friends that won't even talk to me because i am deemed as evil, and they do not want to have any thing to do with me.

However 'coming out actuall made me more friends Theists or not. They judge me for the person that I have proven to be regardless of me beliefs. and those are the people that I not only favor, but respect as well.

Sorry for the long winded aproach to your question, but I still have to stick to my guns and say. If your mother truelly loves you, I honestly think that she would embrace you as her son,With love and not some heathen. Either way I hope the best for you nand your mom.

5

Perhaps just don't bring it up? If she does, ignore it as well as you can. Only if she becomes overbearing should you put your foot down.

4

My grandmother is also overly Christian, but I just nod, say something once in a while (I was raised in the church making it easier) and try my best to be congenial.

3

Unless you are concerned you might become Christian again, who really cares? Spend time. I lived with my in-laws for 20 years without it being a real issue. Get yourself one of those bean bag or squeeze ball things to keep in your pocket and squeeze to remind yourself its very temporary and she is doing what mothers do, worries about her kids.

If she does start in you can remind her nicely and respectfully as possible that you are not insulting her or her religion. You don't try to push her out of it. You just want the same consideration. Tell her you just want to have a nice visit.

AmyLF Level 7 July 10, 2018
2
  1. explain to your mom that you are an atheist & if she wants to spend time with you she can't do the religion thing.
  2. When she pull her Christ shit, 1) say no (nicely) 2) leave the room until she shuts up.
  3. explain to her ( with biblical passages) that the bible is horrible and inappropreate for a post 2016 world...get the child raping parts in...it's harder for them to bitch.
  4. always remain calm but firm.

for me it took about 6 months for this to work...but it did and my mom keeps her trap shut about her faith around me.

2

I never felt any particular need to bring my parents up to speed on my atheism. They died ignorant of it. It's really helpful not to live close enough for visits to be frequent.

I guess if they had buttonholed me about it I'd have been honest but gentle about it, but they never did. They were actually quite good at minding their own business.

For my part, I didn't feel like there was any advantage in disturbing the illusions of 80 year olds. Let them be dumb and happy.

If she's nosy then just profess to have lost interest in church and see if she'll be content to fret about you being a mere backslider. Provide as little detail or willingness to talk about it as possible. Outright say it's not a topic of conversation, that you want to have a pleasant visit. If she blows that out of the water then it's kind of her problem I guess.

2
2

This behaviorist technique works rapidly..on anyone.

Only look at and pay attention to her when she is speaking on neutral subjects and being friendly and kind.
If she switches to religion or starts to upbraid you, don't look at her, or pay attention. Seem distracted and bored, then act like you have something you forgot to do, and leave the room.

If you are consistent, it doesn't take long to train anyone to avoid religious subjects, or criticism.

The main thing is to not give them what they want..attention, so don't react, except to murmur in a patronizing matter, "Um, hum." Then immediately add that it's been great, but you have to run, and leave.

2

I used to feel the same about my folks turned out not to be much of an issue obviously avoid it or you could say that you have stopped studying the bible and going to church y'know, subtle hints

2

I would download quite a few atheist podcasts from iTunes to keep my sanity. I would avoid talking about religion but as she's overly Christian it would be sooooo tempting to ask them to justify their support for Trump.

2

I feel you. I'm about to spend the next 5 days with my mom who is also very religious. I would just advise staying away from the topic as much as possible. If she sneaks something in - try to not acknowledge it and hope she gets the hint.

@Mariv357 I have a suggestion...ask your mom about her childhood...I learned too late to ask my parents about their growing up years! And, sometimes I will tell things to my children about my early years and they will express surprise...at not knowing!

2

If you are confident in your lack of belief, your mother should not bother you. Allow her to believe as she wishes. Allow yourself to accept. You have your mother. Realize how fortunate you are. It makes life easier. Just smile and nod. 🙂

1

How did it go with mom, is she still in the dark or did you open up?

@Mariv357 Glad it went smooth for you.

1

You can do ANYTHING for a few days. Realize that your mother will not be with you forever (what memories will you build here?) and that you have the controlling hand about how it goes. Smile sweetly, say .. "Mom, I just don't talk about religion...EVER." Take her to lunch. Smile sweetly.....you can do this. Smile sweetly. It'll never matter in a year. GOOD LUCK!

1

My mom was a mormon before she passed. She knew I was agnostic. She couldnt understand why I chose not to lean towards a religion. I told her that I didnt feel the need to have a middleman to bring me towards the oneness thats inside me and everyone else. After that, she understood. Religion isnt for everybody, just like agnosticism isnt for everybody. Not sure if this will help, hope it does.

1

I just straight out told my father. He took it in stride. He's much more disturbed by the fact I supported Hillary Clinton over Donald Trump.

1

Peel off the bandaid and tell her your view. A good Christian will respect you still.

But...a Christian mother might not. Go gently here....

1

Particularly if it is a point of stress for you, like it appears to be, you need to talk to her about it. Are you afraid of her reaction? Do you not trust her to respect you view?

1

She's your mum, humour her! If she gets too 'chrisitian' explain your point of view. There are many people that have had to explain to their christian parents they are gay! Take comfort that it can't be that hard.

1

One must keep working at letting others believe what they can believe and claiming the same privilege! It took me a long time, to adjust myself to my granddaughter, who was certain that I was going to ‘hell,’ AND that was before I left religion behind! It still feels strained, but over the years it has gotten better! At least she has stopped telling me that I am going to ‘hell!’ I give quality time to my granddaughter, but in small doses as...unlimited time with her would deplete me! I guess, it boils down to learning how to feel uncomfortable and not letting that dictate how to express love for one another!

1

Try to say as little as possible and to change the subject as often as possible

1

Don't tell her. It will just cause her grief, and you probably don't really want that.

1

Leave a copy and f the Atheistic Pig on her coffee table.

1

To thine own self be true........Shakespeare, (Polonius in Hamlet). I think it’s time you told your mother, you are an adult and have a mind of your own,

@Mariv357 same story with my granddaughter...she sincerely believed that I was going to hell! It is helpful to remember that is their fear, leave it to them...to deal with it! Life does change, sometimes very slowly, but new information alters all of us!

@Mariv357 I don't mean you should have a full on confrontation, she is your mother and of course you don’t want to distress her if you can avoid it. Just keep conversation general if you can, but if she brings faith up I think you should tell her you do not feel the same way about it as she does, and that you have had doubts about the existence of god for some time. She will probably want to pray that your faith will be restored...that is fine, don’t argue just let her do so , as that will probably keep her happyish!!

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:126609
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.