Agnostic.com

21 3

If you are messaging with someone and they won't give basic information --such as what their job/career has been -- does it send up red flags?

Is it normal to refuse to answer questions like that?
I recently asked a member what job they had, and they only would tell me what they have been doing for the past year.
I asked for at least a general idea of what they had done for work for their adult life and received no further communication.

I have noticed that a great many people don't include any work info in their bios --- I'm not looking for specifics...but an industry and a job title would be useful.

Is it impolite these days to ask what one does for work?

SkotlandSkye 8 July 18
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

21 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

6

I'm willing to cut folks some slack on this. They might have some kind of disability. Narcolepsy has pretty much made the idea of a career laughable for me. I wouldn't want to be shot down because of it, so I afford other folks the same chance.

but, see, I consider a disability something that should be shared pretty early on also...

Not if you are here for "community"...but if you are seeking more, then yes. Knowing someone's lifestyle and possible limitations is important. For example, if someone is a recovering alcoholic and prefers not to be around someone who drinks wine every night, that is important to know.

how does that affect you and you are very fair

@LimitedLight Eh, I'm up front about it. It's in my profile.

6

I would be curious to why they didn't want to tell me, but provided they seemed otherwise reasonably normal I'd be content to let them tell me in their own time. They might, for example, have a job they don't feel very proud about - a lot of people look down on those who flip burgers or clean offices, for example, so that could be one reason. Alternatively, they might not have had a career for some reason: I have a friend who has been dating for the last five years and dreads that question because, despite having a master's degree in physics from a very prestigious university, he didn't work between the ages of 25 and 42 as between those ages he was a heroin addict. He's been clean for six years, is a decent guy and is currently completing a teacher training course but experience has taught him that more often than not a date is as good as over if he's honest about his past.

Jnei Level 8 July 18, 2018
5

Depends how far in to the conversation you are and the general tone of how it’s asked. Some people come across as creepy when asking for personal information. Makes me second guess their motives.

antman Level 7 July 18, 2018
5

I would think it was weird if I asked someone about his/her job and got an evasive answer. I don't see any reason to hide that kind of information unless you are an assassin, a drug dealer, human trafficker, or work for the Trump administration.

Hermit Level 7 July 18, 2018
4

People as often ask what other
folks do for work to gague the level of respect due to that person.. think about that for a second.. Now take work out of the equation...
You have nothing to gague respect other than human being-ism-ness.
Just my thoughts on it...I'm not saying it's right...ideally we should respect each individual equally but, in all honesty, we don't.

Sparks Level 3 July 18, 2018
4

I figger:
it depends upon how long y'all been exchanging words
how many words, and how often

Since "Fatal Attraction" smart men have been more cautious about revealing stuff.

There is no way to know if you are a real person, that you are actually as you have represented yourself, that you do not have a history of stalking, and what your true intentions are.

JacarC Level 8 July 18, 2018

right....except that I clearly list my occupation on my profile and uploaded 20+ photos ....
I'm also pretty sure I'm way too busy to devote anytime to stalking anyone....I have a business to run. 🙂

@SkotlandSkye But, there is no way to determine if what you post publicly is in any way real.
Which results in,
"What is she hiding, if she tells everyone all of this?"
"Why is she asking me that?"
"What does she already know about me?"

Men are increasingly fearful. We are just entering the age of "Accused = Guilty."

Men are more cautious, for all kinds of reasons.

@Jacar and women aren't?

@SkotlandSkye This is not a contest.

4

For purposes of dating or pre-dating I think it's entirely appropriate and fair game. Although outside the US, what one does for a living is not considered appropriate polite conversation or go-to ice-breaker topic, like it is in the US. In fact it's considered kind of boorish. You're supposed to ask about hobbies and interests, where one lives, but not work. But then again, that's for general socializing, not assessing someone as a potential life partner. For those purposes, it seems to me that if someone is withholding, then they're probably trying to get you roped in and committed before you find out about their former life as a mob enforcer.

3

Perhaps they work, as I do, in a sensitive place?

3

Personally, I might ask if someone works full or part time - or at all. But as to what they actually do, I don't mind finding all that out later. Often someone will voluntarily disclose details within a conversation.

3

Maybe they have been recently laid off and it's painful to talk about... Or sometimes people with well-paying jobs can be taken advantage of--- male or female... Or they could be creatures of the night?

3

A person's livelihood is their own business & if they choose not to tell people, then it shouldn't be a big deal......especially online.

Sure, for general conversation, but I think she's talking about trying to assess a potential significant other.

@mordant Oh, ok. I guess I didn't understand that.

3

I don't think it is impolite.
But to me I really don't care what a person does for a living, I only care about what kind of a person they are.

Would you not agree that some career choices also indicate what kind of person they are? For example, I would never in a million years want to be around someone that tortured rats all day long in a research laboratory.

@SkotlandSkye Well no, I wouldn't want to be around any one that tortured any thing. However, I do not have a problem with the use of rats for medical research.

@TristanNuvo

2

I couldn't say for sure if it's impolite or not to directly ask someone online about their line of work, but I do know that some people come to social media sites looking for more light hearted topics to discuss besides what they do for a living, and I would fall into that category somewhat. If you are strictly looking to date, then I'd say it would be important to discuss how one makes his/her living, so as to be able to confirm how independent someone is. If the topic comes up, I don't mind talking about some of the jobs I've had and what I presently do, I just wouldn't go heavy on the details is all. I've never been too fond of social media (I don't really have as much spare time as I'd like to dedicate to it), but I do see potential in certain sites (like this one) to be able to exchange knowledge with fellow community members. Idle chat and venting some steam is perfectly fine, but sharing our knowledge on various topics and experiences is what makes a site like this interesting. You could ask a question on here and chances are pretty high you'll receive a helpful answer from at least one person. Knowing there are at least some people on here who I can have informative convos with, keeps me coming back here. So yeah, I'd say it's perfectly fine to ask someone about their career(s), I just wouldn't press them on it if they wanted to chat about something else is all.

2

In many places around the world, it's actually considered a ride thing to ask. Me personally, I don't think it's rude, but I find it can sometimes be a loaded question.

2

I do not think it is impolite to ask. Maybe they're concerned that they won't measure up to your standards. Also possible that they're not proud of their work history. I would be a little suspicious but would probably keep talking to them out of curiosity.

1

Not impolite to want to know if you're chatting with a potentially opportunist bum. My red flag: wanting to talk or chat into the wee hours. They obviously don't have some where to be in the morning. Or saying they're a "contractor" one day, and the next day saying they work in the family business. Another is "I don't know but I feel excited when I talk to you. What if I move there? Would you date me then?". If all of that is coming from the same person - run.

1

It is useful information, and when someone will not answer the question, there is reason to wonder why he or she will not.

1

They who do not want to say, were incarcerated. Usually one can tell from the prison jargon evident in their posts. But not all of them. The white collar criminals are very articulate.

That's my suspicion.

Wow! That's a sweeping generalization!

1

No,I do not see a problem,unless it's against the law.When Women ask me what I've done,I reply, "Give me a year, or time frame". Not doing so,would make me more than suspicious.......

If a Woman showed interest in me, I'd be as open,and truthful as possible.I've nothing to hide,no jail records,or anything that would harm my being believed.

1

I don't think its impolite.

0

I think it's a silly and irrelevant question. When someone asks me "What do you do ?"
My answer is: About what ?

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:134049
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.