I would first like to say that you are a very attractive woman...but even attractive women need a confidence boost and assurances that they are deserving of attention and love. I can't speak for everyone, but here is what works for me...I have been told that I am very confident and self-assured...FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT!

Walk into a room like you own it, even if your knees are shaking and your heart is beating out of your chest. Head high, like you know what you are doing...look people in the eye, nod your head to acknowledge them, go confidently to get coffee or a drink...act like you know what the heck you are doing...have a goal and do it.

Take care of yourself...eat right, exercise, be active. When you take care of yourself, you give yourself permission to feel great and the results are that you will improve your appearance and your health, giving you confidence.

Fish for compliments...why do people think this is a bad thing? You aren't being narcissistic or vain...you are getting feedback. Most people like hearing little things like...nice dress, cute haircut, pretty necklace, etc. All of these little things will build you up, so go ahead and do things that will get you compliments. People are happy to give them because they want them back...so be kind and give back as well.

Dump your past...children have no control over what happened to them...we are adults. You obviously got out of bad relationships that did not feel good to you and learned lessons...take those lessons and do a reboot of your better self...take pride in how you are now...concentrate on what you want and take no less...when you know what you want and don't want, it will give you an air of confidence. Don't let others talk you down from your loftiest goals.

Seriously, don't give a shit...if you worry too much about how others are viewing you, you hold back your own unique self and come off as needy and lacking in self-confidence. I believe that you send out to the universe that you are open and ready to receive when you let go of what others use to hold you back.

OK...sorry for a long post, but I feel confident that at least some of these things might work for you and others...

I built my self-confidence by no longer giving a flying rat's ass what anyone else thinks of me. I don't rely on the opinions (and that is ALL they are) of others to make me feel any kind of way about myself. I know who I am. It doesn't matter if I'm "pretty" or not (not). What I look like doesn't matter either.
Don't allow anyone else to effect how you feel about yourself. Especially if they are mean or abusive.

I've found that my self-doubting, anxious inner monologue dwindles away to nothing when I am regularly engaged in stuff that makes me feel good, satisfies my damn self and no one else, and over which I have some degree of mastery--in my case it's writing poetry (I'm decent; sometimes people like my stuff), drawing (ditto), running (makes me feel and look good), and skateboarding (numero uno booster: I'm a total badass). Somehow I just don't have room for shits to give about what other people think when I'm full of my own greatness. I can't skateboard all the time, but I try to A) remember, in the first place, that this technique can be helpful, so I need not drown in self-doubt all the time; and B) do as much of that kind of stuff as often and consistently as I can. I'm still working out the kinks, and looking for other stuff to add to the repertoire. It's not about impressing other people. It's about satisfying myself. Works pretty good for me.

Perhaps we need to start a new group.... I am not to far off the way you feel right now

You know that your a good person. Knowing that is a first step. I've read some of your post and you frequent this sight, so I know your smart, As far as beauty goes, that comes from within and based on the last two attributes I mentioned I know your pretty. You just need to believe in yourself as I'm sure so many on this site believe in you. I hope that I helped.

I drink heavily.

KIDDING!!!

Someone told me something this year that I really took to heart. I messaged a person I didn't expect to reply, feeling like she was out of my league, as they say... not only did she reply, but we had a really successful date. She told me, "You underrate your attractiveness."

If ever I wonder about myself, I just think back to those words. I really am quite a catch, I guess. Why would she lie? And then I think about how I look at other people, and how they see themselves. It's the exact same phenomenon. I see women in a very positive way, and they're so often critical of themselves. Not just looks, but personality, intelligence, humor.

We are our own harshest critics. We look at ourselves in the worst possible light, looking for the flaws. Others often see our perfections. It's hardest for those of us who haven't had positive people around us. We have to learn new habits. But it can be done.

I feel a lot about being 'good looking' has more to do with finding your own personal style and letting go of what others think. I was always called ugly by bullies but I've found my style and no longer give a bleep what anyone thinks. Once that happens, people will see you as beautiful for who you are and you'll be more likely to find people who truely love you, whether as a friend or more.

I would advise you to do things that you may be a little intimidated by. Or just do things you have never done before. I will give you examples about what I do. I drove across country by myself. The first time was in the 1970s. No cell phone or mapquest back then. I drove from Illinois to Florida. Then I drove from Illinois to Colorado. I have now done it numerous times. I am very comfortable with it now, and look for new routes to explore. Another thing that I do is go to a movie or out to dinner alone, with a book. I recently went to a story slam and told a story. I was a poor student in high school, but when I was in my 30's I went to nursing school. When I was in my late 40's I went to midwifery school. Now that I am retired, I take classes. Last fall, I took a class on the Reformation. I also joined a writer's group. When I try something new, and I don't know if I will succeed, it give me a boost of confidence when I do succeed. Being confident boosts your self esteem, plus you learn new stuff, meet new friends, and have fun. Your new friends don't know you have low self esteem. You get interested in something, get involved, and find yourself talking, interacting and being on a level playing field. I have horses and love to ride, but I had a friend who was very beaten down by her ex husband's constant criticism, who loved to look at horses, but was very fearful, and had absolutely no self confidence or self esteem. I talked her into start a therapeutic riding class, for abused women. It changed her life. She is a good rider now, got herself a horse and even goes to horse shows. She feels very good about herself and is very proud of her accomplishment. You can make changes in your life. You just need to start. Starting is the hardest part. Just make a commitment to start something, no matter what it is. When you accomplish something, it makes you feel good about yourself.

So I'm gonna give some practical everyday advice that I have to continually remind myself and then I'm gonna give you an instance that worked for me but most folks would not recommend.

Kevin Smith is known for telling people that they "started out as cum". Vulgar and funny as it may be he explains that it shows they overcame insurmountable just to exist, and just by existing in their physical form they have accomplished life. I remind myself of this and of the fleeting nature of life in general to focus my mi d on better things than self doubt.

Now for that sketchy advice I promised. Shortly after I left the church I began experimenting with drugs. I was a musician at the time and it had always been around but I never partook. I never used anything with needles and I made sure everything was safe but I learned a lot about myself, cracked the painfully introverted shell I lived in for years, and gained a different perspective on my own thoughts.
This isn't for everyone, and I haven't touched anything besides the odd drink in half a decade, but ecstasy, acid, and mushrooms truly helped me become a more self confident person.

If you're on Facebook, check out a page called A Journey Toward Self-Acceptance and Love.

Learning to be satisfied with yourself no matter what others think is hard, but it leads to serenity.

"Building Self-Esteem and Confidence" by Neel Burton, MD, Psychology Today:

[psychologytoday.com]

I think getting out of your comfort zone. Challenging yourself to learn and do new things. This can give confidence I think.

Changing behaviors can change your thoughts. When you find yourself saying or thinking negative about yourself, stop. Don't say it. Force yourself to think about something else. By changing your self talk, changing the words you use to describe yourself (language matters!), your emotions will follow. As long as you use negative words to describe yourself, that is how you will feel. Find the good things to say. Too often we believe our feelings need to change before we can change our behaviors; when in reality it is often the other way around.

Well one thing that has worked for me in the past is "my bleep is somebody else's cake" & "faking it until I make it". But you know, the universe is just a dick.
Sometimes looking back on old pics remember what I thought of myself in those days. It's nauseating. I've a tendency to be dismorphic(sp) both in the negative & positive.
It was only after I lost my "religion" and said FTS! to the universe did i have a moment of peace and the above began to work, emotionally speaking. I also had to move to find out what my real "exchange rate" was. There will always always be someone smarter, more beautiful, richer than us, but that goes the other way too. The best thing is just to "compete with yourself" as comparisons are dangerous and don't amount to much on the daily.

Like money, have felt on both sides of this fence.
Health tho, is wealth. It really really is, so is living well.

And I know you weren't fishing but I find you adorable and more than attractive Marcie. /js

I just look for little successes everyday and then give yourself credit. Eventually your challenges and achievements become greater and grander.Before you know it, you have forgotten that you had a self-confidence issue in the first place. Hanging around other self-confident people also helps.

Some very good answers already provided here about getting your mental/emotional house in order first.

To that I can only add that in my experience, real and lasting self confidence is a reflection of personal accomplishment. If you have never done anything in your life, about what is there to be confident? The more and greater tasks/jobs/goals you accomplish, the greater boost to your self confidence. Take stock of your abilities/skills/gifts and set out to improve them by using them to complete tasks/jobs/goals that you set before yourself. It doesn't matter what these things you accomplish are, so long as you think that they are worth completing. Bonus points if they are difficult.

When you look back upon your completed hard work, you can't help but feel better about yourself. No matter what life throws at you, you know of just what you're capable. That is personal power that you can't buy. Go get 'em, tiger!

For me it's my music. I write play, and record my stuff. When I come up with something I really like, that makes me feel a lot better about myself.

Marcie... first learn to know yourself, when you know who you are, not how people saw you but how you see yourself. You can built this wall that nobody will destroy. For you should always be about you over anyone else and do not allow Friend or Foe to make you feel less. Never. I always been fascinated by females, never learn anything other than vice from men. Been in Love by the Female Form. Look yourself in a mirror until you find yourself.... who you really are. Remember how Pretty outside an Ugly person inside could be. There is nothing wrong with you and never going to be.... remember the most famous female in history Cleopatra.... was not physically beautiful... her beauty was knowledge and intelligence. Possible she was just a product of her education, her teachers and environment... she was born into royalty... so she was born on third base. This is your time to proof all those that did you wrong. It may be a crime not to acknowledge and compliment your partner. I still compliment my ex wife... already did it today, I know she don't think anything of it but she gave me 3 great kids and she is the best example that I can do good decisions in life on my own. Find that inner light, that beauty inside you and it will come to the surface and if your man is not happy to have you... MOVE ON WITHOUT LOOKING BACK. Another one will be and will apreciate you sticking around for him. Because you are Precious. Do Not Forget.... get a mirror and close your eyes.... what wrong do you see? Nothing, because there is never been something wrong with you.

Once I get to know them, even "ordinary" women are extraordinary. Every woman I've gotten to know is wonderful in her own way.

Self confidence, if over done, comes off as arrogant. I prefer people who are real and sincere.

"How does one become self confident?" I think it starts with self acceptance. Focus on your good qualities. Put your best foot forward.

I have to keep being kind to myself. For a long time I wasn't on my side. Regardless of what I'm going through, I have to be. It may sound cliche, but I have to be the loving mom to my wounded inner child.

Not a professional here. My personal observations.
(self-)confidence is a projection. Arrogance is self deception of believing you're confident.
There is such a thing as not being self-confident yet having people have confidence in you. That is often my case. Many rely and ask my opinion. Tell me they have confidence in me while I struggle to give good answers or well educated guesses. They see in me that I can't see (it is often referred to Imposter syndrome - you should search this condition)

(This is harsh but hear me out) Any amount of learning to acquire a skill you don't have will make you at best mediocre at it. Confidence is not a skill, it's a projection of yourself. You will gain it by practicing the skills you have already, get yourself in the zone also known as flow. Do what you're are good at, get better, get to be the best. That cannot be taken away from you. Competence in one or more skills becomes your well of confidence. Make unique combination of skills makes you golden.

Don't worry about what someone else may say, and try to do things of such value that they are worth noticing. At the same time listen to feedback you are getting and screen it for ideas you can and should use to improve yourself. The rest is junk not worthy of your attention.

Get a good therapist. It's never too late to have a happy childhood.

One thing I think is good to do (and I think I've done it myself) is to focus on self knowledge. In particular, think about your strengths and weaknesses. Own both and try to emphasize your strengths and downplay your weaknesses -- which you'll do mostly just by knowing what they are. And, as others have said repeatedly, don't worry about what others have to say. Your mom, brother, and first boyfriend had their own agendas with what they said (or didn't say) to and about you. Hope this helped and best of luck.