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Do you have religious friends? How do you handle it? Do they know you are heathen? Is it OK with them?

MrDMC 7 July 27
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19 comments

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yes. it doesn't matter to me. yes. yes.

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My best friend is a local pastor. We met over 10 years ago at our second job, a movie theater. He never attempts to push me into anything, and I attempt to curb my swearing around him.
It's just a respect thing. People ask him how it works, and he simply states: "I accept him for who he is". I've also had other Christians tell me I'm a better "Christian" than some of the people in their church.

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Nearly everyone I know is religious. They all know I'm atheist pagan, and they don't seem to care, and I don't care what they believe either.

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I got religious friends and they give a fuck that I don't give a fuck. So we Cool.

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I do have religious friends and they know that I am not a believer and they are just fine about that. They don't preach or try to convert. I love them they are good peeps> 😀

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Actually I have quite a few real good friends that are believers. Some are religious, some are not.
But we get along great. We have much more in common that belief in a god.

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My two best friends are religious. I mean really religious.

But they try not to be hypocrites, which I appreciate.

They know I don't believe, and though it was weird at first, we naturally fell into a respectful coexistence.They never preach to me, I never preach to them, sometimes we ask eachother questions just out of curiosity and never try to push the others into a different view.

We are all very very close, despite our differences. In fact, for a while bestie A started behaving rather unlike herself, getting drunk all the time, sleeping around, staying with strangers, playing with guns irresponsibly, and bestie B and I both sat her down and explained that we were worried and that we both wanted her to start going to church and bible study again, because it keeps her in a better place and less likely to be in serious trouble.

That's right. I encouraged my best friend to go back to bible study. Because I know how important her religion is to her and I knew she wouldn't like who she was becoming. She is MOSTLY back to her old self and really enjoying life again. Got herself a boyfriend and they're really happy together trying to be good people.

I firmly believe that religion shouldn't stop you from friendship if the friend uses the religion for doing good and if everyone is respectful.

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yes - yes ; they know I'm a heathen (in their terms)- I was on a counselling course with a vicar two priests a deaconess and a nun and some ordinary people - I handle it by treating everyone just normally and tuning out or even leaving to do other work if if it gets seriously goddy.

The nun on my course never revealed herself as such and she was Irish; one day we had a huge set-to and she told me to feck -off which is Irish for the English version - I laughed myself silly when it came out that she was a nun.

jacpod Level 8 July 27, 2018
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I have quite a few, but I don’t generally talk about it. I have no qualms about stating my disbelief in religion when asked, but I don’t walk around with a “god is dead” sign stamped on my forehead - anymore.

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I do have a friend who is a retired but still active minister in the Church of Christ. Very progressive and open minded. We are both firm in our beliefs and don't talk about religion to each other. But it's funny how much we can agree on and how many times we will "like" each others posts on facebook, stories that we clearly got from our respective sources, his religious and mine atheistic. There is lots of common ground.

He plays in a few bands, so I sit with his wife, and have a good time. They stand by me in the women's march gatherings and other sign waving events for progressive ideas. They are just nice people.

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Most of my friends are religious and know that I'm not; ordinarily we don't rub our difference in each other's faces--sort of like being an Auburn football fan at a birthday party in a family of Univ. of Alabama supporters.

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As far as active acquaintances, really just one. His wife is very active in a Salvation Army church, and so he is a fundamentalist more because he worships the ground his wife walks on, than that he's a practicing Christian himself. So far as I know he doesn't go to church, but he will not tolerate any talk against his wife's god either.

So I just avoid that topic. A couple of weeks ago he said he was taking his wife to see Ken Ham's "Ark Encounter" down in Kentucky and I just wished him a fine time and kept my thoughts to myself.

Mostly we play 500 Rummy with a couple of other guys each Saturday, and he prattles about his aches and pains, and mock-complains that I don't understand sports so we have nothing to talk about. Half our relationship is built around the coincidence that we share the same birthday (although he's 15 years older than me) and he is kind of intrigued by my knowledge of tech.

It's possible to have that sort of superficial relationship with most theists, or most people really. If you don't ask more of a relationship than it's capable of giving, you can experience what there is to actually experience.

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I have a close friend who is ex Mormon but still very Christian. She doesn't attend church because of the hypocrisy and hate she finds in every church she goes to. She knows I am atheist bordering on anti-theist. We've openly discussed our beliefs. She often tells me that I am more Christian than most Christians because I help people and don't judge others.

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I do and most of them know where I stand. I'm not disrespectful to their beliefs but I will make the case for my own cogently when they get curious or make a statement from ignorance and I think that is the most important part, having a cogent and respectful arguement that doesn't confront them on an emotional level but a logical one.

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Of course I do...they all are happy pretending I am like them, even when deep down they know I tell them what they want to hear. That way, they don't feel the need to have to save me. Everybody wins....

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I make it clear that I respect their right to believe as they choose, and demand that they treat me with similar respect. I also make it clear that I simply do not discuss anything religious.

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My best friend is Lutheran and pretty involved in her church. She's usually one the board or heading a committee. Generally it is a subject we choose not to talk about. I actually think we've only really brought it up twice. Five years ago my mother-in-law was dying from cancer. She wanted to stay at home so 4 of us took care of her 24/7 for the last 2 months of her life. I stayed with her about 30 hours a week, while working full time, going to college and having 2 children. Anyways, it was stressful. I was texting Nikki and crying on her shoulder a bit about how difficult it all was and she said something to the effect that even though I'm not religious, she's praying for me. It actually meant a lot and I thanked her and said I could use all the positive vibes I can get.

The other time was actually fairly recently. I got into a discussion with a friend her her husband's about politics or something (there was a fair amount of alcohol involved) and I brought up the fact that there is slavery, stoning, etc. in the bible. She walked out of the room we were in and her husband said "uh oh, there goes Nikki." Up to then I hadn't really realized how much it bothered her that I don't believe.

Lutherans are tricky because there are different sub-denominations ranging from rabid fundamentalist to somewhat liberal. And I believe there's some variance even within individual churches in a denomination. I've conversed with a refugee from the LCMS (Lutheran Church, Missouri Synod) whose personal experience was one of the most harrowingly authoritarian I'm acquainted with, although I think that had as much to do with his father as with the church itself.

Near me there's a Lutheran church, just off a college campus, that recently spent a few million bucks constructing a tracker pipe organ with a French voicing scheme and for example recently hosted a community support group for parents of children with Asperger's Syndrome. I assume this would be the more liberal type of Lutheran church.

Sounds like your friend may be somewhere in between those extremes. If she were LCMS she might well not consort with you at all.

@mordant I was assuming it was a more liberal church but just looked and it's an ELCA. That means nothing to me though. It's in a very rural area between my hometown of 2,000 people and a city of about 450. I know their long term pastor retired and when the new and younger one came, the elders of the church basically drove him out because he was too progressive. Which drove her crazy because these little churches are obviously dying and he was actually getting new members to come.

@Marcie1974 ELCA is somewhere in between LCMS and the liberal Lutherans. Middle of the road, but rural congregations tend to be more hidebound in any case. Sounds like your friend leans a little more progressive than the faction in control, at least.

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I make it very clear at the start so everyone knows and it doesn't look like they care. They know me as the guy that helps people.

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