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Can men and women just be friends? Age-old and cliche rhetoric...
I am looking for people to hang out with and probably not ready for a romantic relationship after a recent divorce. I'm literally going to meetup.com looking for people to hang out with. Can you do stuff with members of the opposite sex as friends?

By UrsiMajor
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113 comments

6

Absolutely! I prefer the company of women generally and I hope to find a travel buddy.

arca2027 Level 6 July 31, 2018
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6

I have lots of male friends...and yes, just friends and nothing else other than hugs "hello" and "good bye"...I would suggest maybe doing things with a group until you feel comfortable enough for being alone...set up boundaries for yourself and others...good luck and have fun!

thinktwice Level 8 July 31, 2018
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6

I have a grand total of one guy friend who hasn't tried to booty call me at some point. He lives overseas. So, in my experience... not so much. I see a lot of guys saying otherwise, though, so maybe I just I only know horndogs.

Minta79 Level 7 July 31, 2018
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It is challenging when one person is sexually attracted to the other.

@Shelton Well, I wasn't talking about anyone I'm actually dating, I was talking about people who are supposed to be "just friends." People who get second dates and unprompted texts are usually in the "mutually attracted" category πŸ˜‰

Edited
5

I think so but I'm a woman. Apparently all men want to have sex with their female friends, regardless if they're attracted to them or not. I'll be interested to read comments from the guys on here.

Marcie1974 Level 8 July 31, 2018
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As a man, I feel that it is a complex issue. I might write a post about it. I will ping you if I do write it.

I have posted it. I expect you will be able to see it once it has been approved.

Like a Cad , I Embarrassingly propositioned a lady friend of my wife’s and mine once. She was not offended and graciously gave me a hug and laughed . We do have that little secret and are as always great ( and close) friends . I do have many other female β€œjust friends β€œ.

5

Yes and No.

It's complicated territory...when a man and a woman click..thats great..and when they have a lot in common..its even better.
When you feel alive in their company..what could be better for two friends?
When you share your deepest fears and greatest joys..its wonderful to have that trust in a friendship.

Then you both get tipsy on that third glass of wine and end up rolling around the floor in unbridled passion on the floor...

Then What? Hmnn?

Hitchens Level 8 July 31, 2018
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4

I think it is important to maintain friendships with both men and women. I certainly get far more pertinent relationship advice from my female friends than from my male ones (and vice versa)!

All my long term relationships have started as friendships first. I think that having that basis of friendship contributed to the longevity of the relationship because we had a deeper connection than just sexual attraction.

Strabo Level 6 July 31, 2018
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4

I love meeting new people and hanging with old friends through Meetup. I meet both men, women and couples in group settings. Granted many of the singles are looking for more than friendship, so I have learned to be really clear from the outset that I'm not looking for a relationship. I just want to do social and outdoor activities with people in a safe setting.

Yes, some male friends will playfully hit on me or ask to do things together alone with me. I keep it light and warm, but am firm in my stance. I often meet female friends for activities outside of Meetup, but I'm careful with meeting male friends alone, as I don't want them to think it's a date. I try to stick with group settings as far as men go.

When meeting with male friends alone, there so often is an uneasiness coming from some sort of one sided sexual desire - and an underlying pressure to seduce. So, you just have to be clear that is not your intent.

Julie808 Level 7 July 31, 2018
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Smart woman

4

My best friend is a woman. We have been friends for 20 years. Never any romantic stuff, just enjoy each others company. It is possible

brownH50 Level 6 July 31, 2018
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4

Normally I'd say it's possible. However, I'm too vulnerable to be "just friends" with any man in my real every day life at this time. I was at both of my kids' schools today to prepare for next week and found myself staring at one hot man at each school. I know that the divorce and my mid 40 something hormones affect my judgement. I'm also in what I consider to be relationship purgatory. I'm in the process of leaving one man (who doesn't want me to leave) for an amazing man who won't pursue more with me just yet because of my current marital situation. I know this all sounds horrible. I just find myself wanting to be more honest the further away from religion I get. Not being honest as a Fundamentalist and living through shitty purity culture has cost me so much. And I'm still paying the price six years as an atheist. I think you just have to chalk it all up to trial and error. There is no good answer for your question.

Charity Level 7 July 31, 2018
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This.

Are ucsure the guy will persue more once u are single? Could just be a way to dodge the topic by saying u are still married or something. Good luck either way tho, I want nothing but the best for everyone.

@jorj Fair question. We're both aware that divorce can take a few months or more. He said he's come into this with no expectations. And honestly, I believe him. Still, my plate is full with going back to school and work in addition to the usual kid and pet stuff and the divorce itself. And even if it doesn't happen, I'll be fine. I'm just currently dealing with an awful lot right now. Ideally, I'd like for it to work out. However, people and their lives can change in an instant and I'm trying to prepare myself for that as well. Thanks for the legit question.

@Charity U seem to have it all figured out and prepared. That's more than I could accomplish with so much goin on at once. Best wishes in all u got goin on there.

@jorj Thank you kindly.

@NCcaroline Well, hubs is a very jealous and angry Trump supporter. I think you covered it all right there! πŸ‘

@Charity well, fuck him. I’m glad you’re getting out.

4

I have a pretty developed cache of female friends, some of them very long term. I think that the romantic/sexual tension is just there, but you can deal with it and still be friends. At one point in quite a few of these friendships, we tested waters via dating or sleeping with each other. And sometimes discovering that's not the right dynamic with that person helps solidify that friendship. There's several that I haven't slept with or dated either, but there's always that interest (at least in the back of my mind - it's not right to speak for them). I guess I don't see anything wrong in the trial and error process.

Humanistheathen Level 7 July 31, 2018
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4

Yes, at this point in my life, I'm just looking to be a person not a lover.
It's not important to have all the women fall in love or bed with me.

Stevil Level 8 July 31, 2018
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3

Meetup is good. Many local/regional groups provide meetings' info for michigan atheists.

One of my long time friends is a women i met in 93. Regular lunches and message exchanges.

Both me and the wif have had friends of both sexes forever. How can that be wrong?

Jacar Level 7 July 31, 2018
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3

Yes, absolutely they can... if there are genuine shared interests. In other words, if you would be close friends with another woman, you'd expect to have a fair amount in common. Same with a guy... if you don't have a lot in common in terms of activities, interests or tastes, but he still wants to hang, then this is not friendship, it's a wannabe-a-relationship. It's amazing how clueless a lot of women are about this... women will say "this guy and I are just friends"... you ask her what the friendship is based on, and she really doesn't know (because it's not a friendship, it's a frustrated relationship).

PalacinkyPDX Level 7 July 31, 2018
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3

Yup, it happens all the time. Doesn’t mean feelings might not get involved at some point

Iowaguitar Level 6 July 31, 2018
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Agreed.

3

Absolutely. I’m more comfortable confiding my personal stuff with my lady friends than my dudes.

Josh87 Level 4 July 31, 2018
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3

Absolutely

Hihi Level 6 July 31, 2018
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3

Sure, why not? I've got a few male friends. When I was younger it was harder, but I think as I've gotten older it's easier for me to have male friends without any expectations of it turning into something else, and if feelings do come up they're way more manageable.

bleurowz Level 8 July 31, 2018
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3

I guess roughly 75% of my true friends are women. Of those, 99% are "just" friends. My m.o. is to default to the woman controlling the relationship trajectory. This makes for very comfortable friendships.

seattlepanda Level 7 July 31, 2018
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my Chinese name is baoyu… smile009.gif

Smart man!!!

3

Well, in my anecdotal experience, this is the only kind of relationship with the opposite sex that I have these days. So yeah, it's possible. I am speaking from the masculine perspective, so ymmv.

zeuser Level 7 July 31, 2018
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3

Of course. Well, I can only speak for myself, but I have lots of friends who are women. In many ways I prefer their company over men because they tend to be more able to focus. Yes, I know that is contrary to the stereotypical woman meme.

evidentialist Level 8 July 31, 2018
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3

I've always had a lot of female friends. (That is, women who're friends without any romantic connection – past, present, or future. Though, I've had the other variety too.) I tend to prefer women's company, generally speaking. They're far better listeners.

Guys don't do emotions. I pity the men who can't have female friends.

Deiter Level 7 July 31, 2018
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2

For sure! I have plenty of guy friends who are nothing but guy friends.

klang72 Level 5 Oct 9, 2018
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2

Depends on the guy and what he wants. For any kind of relationship to work, both people have to agree. If the guy is constantly angling for more, then no. If the woman is shutting down his ability to have an intimate relationship with a different woman, than no. Both are the cliche things that happen...

If they agree, then sue.

HonkyBMcfunky Level 6 Sep 16, 2018
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2

I have a good few female friends who I hang out with there is no sexual interest with them as I enjoy there company and its more worthwhile like that

Daz1981 Level 6 Sep 1, 2018
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2

A lot of men, in fact, yes 100% of men that I have met online have ended up being friends. In my experience of parties and such, it's more difficult to find someone that you have a "spark" with.

Aphoria Level 4 Aug 11, 2018
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