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UPDATE: For those who might care, he has yet to contact me to talk, which is typical behavior on his part. I have blocked him on Facebook so he can't message me again. I requested months ago that he delete my number so he hopefully doesn't have it. So that's where it stands. Thanks to everyone who gave such good advice. I posted this so I could hear others tell me what I already know in my head, and you guys came through big time!

I need someone to beat some sense into me. My ex bf messaged me this morning apologizing for being an asshole the last time we spoke, which was a few months ago. We haven't been a couple for over a year. I agreed to talk with him when I get off work tonight...and I don't know why I said yes because we've been down this road and I know how it ends. He apolpogizes, I forgive him, he invites me to his place, we have sex then I feel like a piece of shit because I know that's all I am good for to him. Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why do I keep letting him do this to me? I wish I wasn't so defective.

Iam4MY 7 Aug 4
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45 comments (26 - 45)

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2

First, you're not defective. When people you've been intimate with exploit you like that it isn't your fault, he's preying on your vulnerability.

2

Your not defective. We all make mistakes, the same mistake more than once too. Learning to keep the past in the past can be a very harsh lesson indeed.

1

You should block him on your phone. Poof! He will disappear. Also, unfriending him will not work. He will be able to search you on FB and make a friend request. To make yourself invisible to him, you need to block him.

Livia Level 6 Aug 5, 2018

I saw you blocked him on FB, well done. Couldn’t edit my comment due to glitch.

1

You're not defective, he is. He's playing on your kindness to get what he wants. He really doesn't care about you. You deserve better.

1

You are your problem behaving like a battered girlfriend! What is that "beat some sense into me"? Wake Up Sister, Wak Up!

@Iam4MY There is more than one way to batter a woman. But I understand, wishing you good judgement and better luck... between us... Men Don't Change. Marriage, 3 kids, a house, a wife, a career... did not changed me from the man I was the day before I met her. He is not going to change.

1

You are very aware of the cycle you are in and why you are doing it. The only way to stop being in a cycle is to break it. You have asked the wrong question. The question is....Do you want to break it?

Betty Level 8 Aug 4, 2018

^^This

1

Bring your new boyfriend with you.

1

There is a stark difference between being desired and being loved..they can ideally coexist together..but if a person only needs you because the sex is great..then you are bound to feel shortchanged after the fact.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having fun with this guy..but you could just as easily fool around with someone else...

It's only an issue if your expectation is anything more than sex..

Why not just say Nah..I'm done with that..so long buddy.

Better to fool around with other people..one of them might be a genuinely great guy..who knows what could develop...?

1

I had an ex that was stalking me. I could not get rid of him and he was getting scary. I filed a complaint but the police never did anything until he assaulted another woman, then the court issued an order of protection. And when I saw him in the courtroom for his trial, I thought, "Oh shit, I'm still attracted to him." But it was purely a physical reaction, I still knew he was an asshole. I guess I'm saying I know that physical thing can be powerful, like any chemical addiction. I feel so much better without him. If you can get through it, you will feel better too. Good luck, my friend.

1

First off. Don't blame yourself... It's nice to be wanted even when it's temporary and we know it's bad for us... Second... If you can... Break it off... Or don't show... Block the number and move on.. if it makes you feel bad.. you shouldn't do it... It's not easy, but you need to do what's best for you.

1

Accept the apology and stay home. Or go out with some friends. Or read a good book. If you don't feel good after being with him don t go. Maybe write out all the negative things about him and put the list next to his picture and throw things at It! You are not damged he is damaged.

1

Also, you are DIVORCED, and for a reason. remember that and don't look back..

@Iam4MY Sorry, I missed that, but still an EX for some time now. You do NOT owe him ANYTHING. Do you have anybody you can call instead of answering his calls?

0

I'm glad you blocked on Facebook. No contact is the way to go. If your phone won't let you block him, your carrier might. T-Mobile and Sprint has this option, calling them. Might want to try.
Lastly change his phone number name on your phone. Change it to "No" or "Don't answer" or "Jerkwad", whichever you like best ?

@Iam4MY ok, geat!

0

Don't show up, block his number, move if you need to. Also learn to enjoy DIY sex!

0

I wouldn't beat you, but you could use a spanking and a good tounge lashing. ☺

Not very funny in this context.

0

You need to believe in yourself. Right now, you go back because you aren’t sure you can do better and you’re afraid to be alone. Being alone is actually really good for self introspection and time for self love. Find a hobby, or treat yourself to something like a spa treatment or a massage. Something for you. Don’t feel guilty. You deserve it and you’re worth it. And don’t feel guilty about skipping with the ex either. Flip the narrative and tell yourself you were using him for sex. It’s ok. Women need sex too, and why buy the whole pig when you just want some sausage?

0

You need new rules for yourself

0

If it's hard for you to avoid, can you move far away from him so it's too big of an inconvenience? Given the state of current politics, Canada sounds great. If this is not feasible, I would say: move locally , change your phone numbers and /or emails. Or just don't answer them.

It's like food -if you only have lettuce and water in your fridge- you will reach your weight loss goals.

0

Don’t have sex with him and see his reaction. That’ll tell you all you need to know.

0

Well stop it. Break this date. You know what's in store, so knock it off. Good luck, hon.

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