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I know the subject of age difference has come up a few times here. However, I'm curious. What would be your response when a much younger person tells you he/she is interested in getting to know you or having a relationship with you? Much younger, can be 15 or more years younger or half your age, or whatever you would consider to be much younger than you.

When that happens to me, my first thoughts would be that I would be messing up his life if we were to have a relationship. He has so much more life potential and future left ahead of him than a middle aged woman like me. He should be with his own kind and have fun and enjoy being young. I don't look my age so on many occasions younger people think I'm actually their age. And I would think, "I'm old enough to be your mother!!!". I mean, I do enjoy people of all ages (as long as they are of legal age) but these thoughts are always at the back of my mind.

graceylou 8 Aug 5
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79 comments (51 - 75)

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1

Relationships don’t have to be perfect. The gap might be an issue in some areas. But if you enjoy each other’s company then cutting off an avenue to being happy helps no one. My first serious relationship was with a woman 9 years my senior (I was 19, don’t call the cops ?). It was one of the most informative experiences of my life, making me appreciate what relationships could be or shouldn’t be.

If there’s trust, joy and security between you both then see where it leads.

1

I think you’re hot. But then again, I know where you’re coming from. I have a female friend who is 12 years younger than me who has feelings for me. And I would honestly be honored to be with her but I see her the same way you talked about. I wouldn’t be with her because she’s young and beautiful and has a light inside of her that someone like me would just darken.

So I can sympathize with what you mean. But age is only a number (within reason of course). A person can be much older mentally wise than what their body physically is. Find someone who is right for you for more than just physicality.

I sometimes feel that is how older men whom I prefer would also see me, you know. That they are taking something away from my youth (relative to them). I could may be find a more satisfying relationship with someone my own age. It's just a nagging feeling.

1

15 years may be a bit of a stretch. Perhaps 10. I need for her to be able to relate to my age group and be young at heart enough not to care. ?

Age difference has never been a problem for me when it comes to much older men. But younger is somehow more of a challenge.

1

It is not your call to worry about "messing up his life" unless he wants you to adopt him! It IS up to you to decide if you would feel uncomfortable around him, which will screw up both of you. If you are starting off thinking like his Mom, fergedabowdit.

True. Well, we both enjoy that kind of kink. But that is another story.

1

At 65, 15 years either way is no big deal.There are women of 80+ in my wife's Ageless Dancer class. Sharp as tacks.

I have little sexual interest in young women. Not that i would refuse the experience, but i would not pursue such. I enjoy mature women more; as they look, and as their experience is reflected in all things important.

To carry on a romantic involvement with someone 30 years younger might work, but would be a bit strange. Meeting her friends. The topics of conversation and concern, no doubt way too unsophisticated for me to tolerate wasting what little time i have left. Yet, I might have a bit of fun extolling my viewpoints of history and what is important. Might corrupt one or two.

UNLESS the relationship was based in work; music, writing, and other art stuff. Then, it would be probable that others of all ages would be part of her circle, as they are of mine. And i would know that both of us would be learning. And any close encounters would be born of our mutual interests.

I have many women friends, without benefits.Always have. Just as my wife has always had many male friend. 'Tis a result of being around arty types. One of my long-time friends is a woman i met in 92. She is older than me. We have great conversations over hours long lunches..

I have approached a few local youngins for some ongoing conversation. Some success and some not.

Was i rejected because of may age? Sad for them. Rejected because i am married? Sad for them. Rejected because it is "obvious" that an old dude is only interested in a young thing for physical activity. Their loss.

I am older. A younger person can learn much from me, about a multitude of subjects.

As we get older we should feel obligated to find students to teach, and to learn from. What have we learned that should be conveyed to those you should avoid what we have done? That is the question for all of us at all ages.

So, if a younin is yearnin to learn, they should be taken allowed to.

Yet: I also know "falling in love" is a silly proposition when the age spread is wide.

Celine Dion was married at 19 to a man 26 years older. And is now involved with a man 17 years younger. Good for her. And both of the men.

::: I know this is the man in me talking here:::: If a young man is interested in a woman of any age, he should be used and taught.

1

The one thing I'm certain of is this is so different for everyone, and even for each relationship. I've twice been in a long term relationship with somebody 10 years younger. The first one was great and we're still best of friends today. The one after that was a disaster. Overall I'd say for me a 10 years difference either way works, if it works for the other party. Much more than that and I think I'd maybe feel uncomfortable. But you never know. I have friends who've been together about 15 years with a 22 year age gap.

Salo Level 7 Aug 5, 2018
1

I've always thought you were very attractive. Wish I was younger. 😉

Why would you wish that?

@graceylou My lame attempt at irony.

1

I prefer men my own age or close to it. I also look young for my age. I've been pursued by men old enough to be my father, but more often by men young enough to be my son. I think the super young ones are sometimes looking for a sugar mama. Not interested in that. I have a son I could spoil, but want him to make it on his own.

The lopsided age thing can be fun in the short term, but from my experiences, the intentions were not always honorable. If you've got something real, then enjoy it. If you feel something's not quite right, and you are hesitating, then you might be right. Every case is different.

I actually don’t think I can maintain a relationship with someone my age. May be it is because those my age tend to have a view of life that doesn’t coincide with mine. Lop-sided works best for me. My relationships have lasted decades. With my younger one two years now. I just want to enjoy it but I get the feeling lately he’s restless and is wanting more with me.

1

I just feel like my priorities, where I am in life, and cultural reference points are in different places with someone significantly older/younger.

GwenC Level 7 Aug 5, 2018
1

I think the important thing is just finding a person that is on the same wavelength as you are in life. If they happen to be much younger, or much older then so be it. I have a co worker that is 33, and his wife is 59 I believe, but despite all her current health issues, I don't suspect any foulness in their relationship.

Yes definitely true. To complicate matters, I’m poly. My other relationships are with much older men who fit well with me. Only one with a much younger man but obviously we share many interests and ideals or we would not have been together at all. He isn’t the one having those nagging thoughts. It’s all me.

@graceylou I don't know if anyone over the net is going to be able to give you enough clarity to decide on whether this much younger guy is someone you should be in a relationship with. You can do one of to things take a chance to find out if it can be anything at all, or decide against, and wait till a guy more your age, and poly tolerant comes along in your life. There are many people on this world, you can filter some out of contention for your heart if you like, and doing so will not be the end of the world. I guess tou just need to ask yourself do you want him in your life, or not.

1

I've been on both sides. All good.

1

I don't mind "getting to know" anyone, regardless of age. However, someone more than 5 years younger, or 5-8 years older won't "get to know" what's in my undies. Been there, done that, won't do it again.

1

My last partner was 22 years younger than me and age caused few problems, we even had a son born when I was 51 but when pressure came from brexit, She's French, it started to be made out to be one, same as anything and everything I may have ever done wrong. In itself it was no problem except when excuses to leave were needed. She wanted to go back to France but not as a toker. So she stopped then left me behind. Sick part is, France looks like it will legalise.

1

I couldn’t do it putting aside the legality of such a relationship any woman that is around 5 years younger than me is too young for me. I need her to be around my age: anything else feels wrong.

Fair enough. It's not for everyone.

1

I feel like you. My daughter is 43 and anyone even approaching that decade is a real yuk for me. 15 years difference is a real stretch as there are other aspects besides chronological.

Yet, I have no problem with much older men. When I'm with older men, I'm often mistaken as their daughter because I look much younger than I actually am, and yeah, I admit I don't dress my age either (whatever that is supposed to be).

@graceylou So when you get older will you revert to a 'cougar'?

1

At 42, “much younger” to me is someone in their 20s or even early 30s, LOL... A huge turn off to me when a guy says: “I like older women,” because I think why say that, you should like me for me not just some generic arbitrary goal that you seek in every partner. Side note: “I like bigger girls” will get an FU and a block from me on a dating site, because that is noooooot a compliment! I have a lot in common with younger guys, but I have some fears against dating one. 🙂

True. Some much younger men want a mature woman but a lot of times I'm just a silly crazy girl. I don't want to be held up to a standard people might have of women in the late 40s.

1

I've only ever dated women younger than me. For one, I have a TON of energy. I don't require coffee, caffeine, energy drinks, or much sleep. And I've noticed that most of them have difficulty on occasion. Secondly, I always get guessed quite a bit younger. I usually hear between 26 - 30, but in the last 2 months I've heard 18 and 20! ?
My last serious girlfriend I met when I was 35 (I'm 38 now, 39 in a few months). She was 19. We dated for 2 1/2 years, and it's probably been the best and healthiest relationship I ever had. As long as she is of legal age and we can connect on that level, I'm good.

1

At my current age the lowest I think I could go for a long term relationship is 21. Can’t be the guy goin “sorry but my girlfriend can’t get into the bar let’s go to Fridays instead.” It’s also worth remembering that no ones prefrontal cortex/impulse control is fully developed until they’re 25. So if you’re in your 30s or especially 40s I’d try not to go much lower than 25. I mean if you’re not in a position of authority over them and an 18-24 year old wants to hook up, good luck stopping yourself and I probably wouldn’t blame you. But I’m not gonna be terribly optimistic about trying to make a relationship of it.

I lost my virginity to a 31 year old lady when I was 18 and that’s a fantastic combo if you want to break a bed; both genders in their sexual prime; you really need to clear out your schedule for a few days to see where that goes at least once in your life ladies. If you can’t find a good man, raise one, amirite? Lol. I don’t think it would have worked out as a long term relationship though, as badly as we wanted it to. There are exceptions though and for as hard of a time as I’ve had finding love ever since, I’m in favor of casting a wide net. As long as everyone’s health n happiness are augmented rather than detracted from, I see nothing wrong with most legal age gaps. It can be pretty hot for sure.

It might just be because of my current age but I do have sort of a mental double standard where, beyond a decade gap, it’s infinitely less creepy if the woman is older. I mean old men creep me out and they’re not even trying to fuck me, so I guess I just feel extra bad for young ladies. If they’re with a much older guy it usually seems like it’s about money/security/daddy issues, but whatever floats ya boat. I’m not here to judge.

You cracked me up! Great answer and with brilliant thought behind it!
I agree with you on the double standard when hearing it from the "other side" perspective but being on the other, other side and FEELING it, that is different! I joke that if they are too young to get the Mrs. Robinson reference then they are to young! Tho it is very flattering it can also make a girl feel a little...selfish(?) I can't quite grab the right feeling... I have a friend who is almost 15 years younger than me and after we both realized there was a physical attraction in addition to emotional connection it did change things a bit. I had to think about him not ever having children of his own, my daughter is an adult and I am no longer able to have any. He wouldn't be able to experience that joy! Another big one was, what happens in another 10-15 years when I don't want to or feel like doing the same type of things I'm doing now?! Should he have to slow down just because I do? And what if he finds that boring? It would break my heart.
We had some fun through the years and still remain close friends but there was an unspoken understanding that a long-term relationship was unrealistic.

1

The last time I was involved with someone much younger, it just didn't work. He was at a point where he wanted to start a family, and I was too old, physically, to birth more children. I also think it's unfair to children to have them too late in life. You set the stage for your partner and children to lose wife or mother early in life.

1

better to over think than under at least you are then somewhat prepared for future issues its trite but do what makes you happy if an age difference isnt a problem for either then fck it

1

I'd be open to meeting a much younger man, but I've dated a few and it wasn't the greatest experience. Now a significantly older man would concern me. I realize life has no guarantees, but the odds are not great for a long term relationship.

1

I was 32...she was 20 (twelve years difference) She pursued me until I married her. However, many people would guess may age as less than hers. At a wedding one time, a guest (mature female), was astonished that we were man and wife...she said I did not look old enough to be married, guessed my age as "14". We had three children together in the ten years we were together. The divorce had nothing to do with our age difference...she just wanted to return the promiscuity, drunkenness, and drug use of her high school days (which I knew nothing of before I married her). She found normal marriage to be boring.

1

I have an admirer who is a good 24-25 years younger than I am, and I would pursue her in a second if she were single (there's always a catch, isn't there?). I draw the line when the age difference can be expressed in double her age or more. What in the world would we talk about, after she got done laughing at my old body? You're right, it's generally not the best idea. But you never know until you try, right?

0

I've always been an "old soul", whatever that means, and I've always associated with older people because I've always shared more with them in common.

Not opposed to dating someone my age or younger, but there has to be a connection.

0

At 70, I just had run ins with two 65 yo women, who were incredibly immature and biased and critical of the most absurd things. I know a 50 yo who thinks I am great on many levels, but has an ageist, almost racist attitude about our 20 year difference. I am fitter than she;have much more formal and informal education than she, but she has no interest in me as a man. I am acquainted with a 23 yo athiest woman with whom I have the most amazing connection, and even her mother was taken with our connection and thought we would be together if we were similar in age. In short, I believe age is just a number where psychological/emotional/cultural/educational compatibility is concerned. Age can matter for health reasons. As a Jack Lalanne Clone, even at the age of 70 ,very few men or women match my fitness. This is probably my biggest problem. The women who could be companions for me are much younger and almost none are interested even though I can beat them in a race up Mt Washington or in a pushup or burpee contest. Any 60 year olds with a pulse want to take a chance. Not just another pretty face, too.

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