I wonder; is it possible to learn what can cause people to fall out of love with a significant other?
Dopamine release is your brain telling you: “good job!” or “keep doing that” or “this is good”... Unfortunately the brain is designed to also get a smaller dopamine release when exposed to the same experience. That’s why for many things you can never reexperience that “first time” feeling, or that’s why the first bite of that cake is so delicious and makes you want to eat more...
Ideally once that dopamine trick wears off, relationships have found other means of survival, but often that’s not the case. When too many misunderstandings, regrets, hard feelings, little rejections get associated to the other person, the pleasure of spending time together dies off. Your brain feels no benefit in the other’s company and it stops making you feel rewarded when next to the person you once loved (made your dopamine receptors go nuts).
The trick is to make sure those little negative things are cleared away from both partners brains so that even though dopamine levels are not as high as in the beginning of the relationship, they are sufficient to give meaning to the bond and aren’t completely offuscated by the negative feelings. It’s not easy to achieve though, because after many years dopamine levels triggered by the partner aren’t very high, and all the bad fights and misunderstandings have piled up. So it’s hard to always be good at keeping things balanced and clear the bad things without letting them stack up. On top of it, many people seek things that provide higher dopamine release as compared to their partner: nights out, work, kids, hobbies, internet, pornography, other partners, you name it! We also may not treat the other very well any longer because over time we’ve grown used to each other and not only do not trigger much dopamine release, we have negative pathways that get reinforced each time they are triggered. Pathways are like highways in the brain. They can be created in our childhood (very hard to destroy) but we can make new ones also (it gets harder and harder though). That thing he/she does that just drives you nuts is an example of negative pathway. they can trigger rage, anger... All sorts of bad or good feelings... When negative pathways are triggered: forget dopamine! It’s just all red.
Many people just decide to simply go for another high dopamine releasing relationship, but with time even new relationships aren’t as effective at that. Inevitably all relationships will advance into the next stage and its challenges. Clearing things and keeping relationships meaningful is easier with some people than others though. So it matters a lot with whom you choose to give it a shot.
It may seem like on oversimplification, but:
Growth is usually the real answer. One partner grows or changes while the other stays the same. At least in my experience. The real question is: How does one go from being "In Love" with someone to not liking them? The hard answer is we force things until they are broken. It's okay to care for someone you used to be intimate with but not want to continue loving them. We imprison our selves and in doing so we limit what love really is. Loving someone can also be letting go, because being together isn't working anymore. Codependency plays a major part in that whether it be financial or emotional.
I submit that the reasons are always multiple, and these reasons to which you allude reside only in the mind of the one who was doing the loving. And still, with that being the case, even an individual who is well-practiced at self reflection would likely only consciously be able to identify a few of the precipitating factors. We perceive and feel much more than we ever could verbalize or consciously process, and the expanse and depth of a human's inner world is nearly infinite.
My experience is a 'falling out of' or loss of admiration, respect, trust or combination thereof.
Too many kinds of disappointments to list here. Tne causes? Primarily, agaim to me, is insufficient time and clear minded observation and familiarization with the person/s.
It works both ways. Fantasies and wishful thinking spurred by physical attraction (lust) drive people to use too much mortar and not enough stone. They don't want to risk losing a catch, even if it's still in a poke.
Surest way to destroy a relationship is to avoid communicating about needs/desires. One or both people will start to harbor resentment. That will fester and love will fade. As much as people would like to meet each others' needs, those needs must be clearly communicated for that to be possible.
I fell out of love with my ex husband when I lost respect for him. He dropped out of grad school, could not keep a job, manage his time or money, could not finish the most basic things around the house, and needed me to pretty much be his mom. Later after we separated he was diagnosed as bipolar which explained much of his behavior. I couldn't be in love with someone I no longer saw as a partner but a child.
Too many factors which are highly individual.
One thing that's hard to account for is the other party being completely
fraudulent in their intentions. Unless you're a mind reader, or a forensic
psychologist (and a damned good one), it's really hard to spot those folks
There are many kinds of love, but when one is talking about relationships and partners and marriages, that is long term relationships and significant others, well we are talking about intimacy not just love. Love or when one has a crush on somebody is just a physical attraction where strong chemicals such as Opiods are involved, they are very strong but they tend to last only a few months. After that you need more than physical attraction, including sexual attraction, intimacy which is more psychological and requires a certain maturity and good communication in order to last. I would say the natural thing is to fall out of love, but then intimacy through good communication, understanding of roles, and personal space should grow and should foster a deeper intimate spiritual close relationship that beats love.
The opposite of love is indifference. I became indifferent to my ex because he consistently put his xian website above time w/me and the kids. That and he was a condescending conservative twit with no imagination. He watched Fox news when he wasn't working on his website.
There are a LOT of kinds of love , but when you get to the base and look to see what each of these have in common , the lowest common denominator is , "Love is what we feel , for those who make us feel good about ourselves ." If your love makes you feel special in the way that you are , you will want to be around hem . You will want to please them . Love dies , when they no longer make you feel special - they put you at the bottom of their priority list , when your favorite movie star actor marries someone else , when they tell you nothing you do or are is good enough , when the politician you worked hard to get elected , suddenly only cares about getting rich , instead of helping those who need their help . People kill love .
Love is a powerful emotion and difficult to explain. It explodes, it fades, it changes directions, sometimes it multiplies. Falling in love can be just as hard to corner. Love can be lust, love at first sight, love that develops from friendship, love that builds over time or love that is never returned. It always bothered me when someone said that the person they were in love with lied to them when they said they loved them too. It is generally not that they lied, but that the feeling of love just faded away. The reason is not always evident even to the person who lost the feeling, but it doesn’t mean they didn’t love you when they said they did.
did you ever see the movie "The Serpent and the Rainbow"? This journalist wanted to learn the secret to the myths of how people were made into zombies in Haiti. But he found out far too late that the only way to truly understand was to go through it.
So, with that in mind, I would wish that you never truly have to know the answer to your question.