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23 3

Does anyone feel this?

I have come to the conclusion that my mother does not attribute her generous and humane actions to herself, literally. She says that she is doing gods work. No, dammit, you are doing the good work that should feel good to you and make you feel amazing that you sacrifice for so many. I feel a sense of her not feeling full-filled. I have implored her on mother's day and many other days to recognize all that she has done for other human beings and take it for herself.
Feel that it is her work, her heart and her person that has done all that she has done. She tirelessly raised 4 children with love and care. She has been caretaker to 3 of our families elders. Literally in house and visiting care taking.
She deserves the credit in my view but she gives it to god.
I just want for her to feel complete, to feel like she has lived the greatest life a woman can and that she has.

I just needed to get that out there.  

Thanks friends,
machus1 5 Sep 3
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23 comments

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4

You touched a nerve. A friend studies hard, volunteers, puts out resumes, actively pursues that which he is seeking, pounds doors, and then 'puts it out to the universe' , and when he gets the dream position, thanks the universe. You idiot! You did it! You did the work! Fucking universe doesn't give a shit about you

2

Maybe she feels complete and attributes that to God? She sounds like a lovely person doing good things. No reason to worry why she does them.

2

Maybe she is a person that can’t accept a compliment without feeling guilty, so she passes the credit along. She sounds like a great person ?

2

Well it is her, herself, who chooses to do "God's work" and for that she should allow herself the appreciation from loved ones who know it is her own sacrifices she is making out of love for those she helps AND/OR love for the god she wants to please by fulfilling duties she feels are expected of her. Either way her efforts are appreciated by mortals. She likely hears your praise but is too humble to accept any credit. She is likely feeling fulfilled by doing what she feels is "God's work" so you'll probably have to just let her enjoy that feeling.

2

It's just what she was taught to believe. When I was a christian I believed that same thing. Good riddance for me. Whew. Just understand that it's gonna take a while (or maybe never) to get that thought process out of her. It use to make me feel better inside, thinking I was sucking up to the invisible man for him to keep a space reserved for me in his camp.

2

I really don't understand why anyone would give credit for anything to the same deity that does nothing about the atrocities of the world.
"Free will" is just another of those concepts that mean absolutely nothing to me.
Just like religion and gods.
Sorry about your mom. We can't control what other people are going to do, say, feel, or think. If we love them, we love them, and try our best to at least stay out of the way of their chosen delusions as much as we can.

2

My mother as she was declining felt so guilty, and she was like the nicest person ever. Personally, I’m not even sure I believe in free will, maybe it’s better to just enjoy the ride than to feed the ego with either pride or guilt.

Lauxa Level 5 Sep 3, 2018
2

So where do we draw the line? Does god get credit for all that I do, including successfully tying my shoes? And at what point do we then become automatons; the opposite of what scholars claim god created us to be? And how is it that god gets the credit for all that is good and virtuous, but zero blame for anything evil, wrong, or unjust? And how do I get a gig like that?

2

It's all fear of death and hedging bets.

1

Most times it serves a duel purpose. For any perceived slights or hurts that they cause they can blame it on the devil/evil. I think it causes reassurance if they're only acting out their parts in the struggle of good and evil. If they're deeds as handed down by god outweigh their self-imposed views of their evils, then they are assured that they are indeed good. Gaining comfort from that knowledge.

That's my take at least.

1

Nothing for you to do..it's her life, and experience has taught me that arguing with religious people is useless.
Better to ignore any religious references or look bored and leave the room whenever people start talking about religion.

If you only pay attention to people when they speak on neutral subjects, you will quickly train them to avoid speaking religious nonsense.

1

I say "if you need a book to tell you to be a good person, then you are not a good person and you lack morality"

A truly good person doesn't need the promise of heaven nor the fear of hell to be a good person. They should do good WITHOUT hoping for a reward from an invisible person in the sky.

But hey, if that's what makes you happy then who am I to judge

1

I think my mother probably feels similar. On a similar note I also find it really annoying when people thank god for the recovery of a loved one from an injury or illness and no acknowledgement that without the doctors doing their job “god” would have let their loved one die.

1

I think my mother probably feels similar. On a similar note I also find it really annoying when people thank god for the recovery of a loved one from an injury or illness and no acknowledgement that without the doctors doing their job “god” would have let their loved one die.

0

It seems to me that what you are wanting is not what your mother is wanting and as it is her life to live as she pleases maybe sit back and enjoy what she does do without evaluating it in your own terms - so long as she is happy - what odds ? When all else fails, just love works.

0

Original sin takes the guilt off of your shoulders which makes people feel good. On the opposite side it also has to apply to the good that you do, but that can also feel good and help people do more of that good since they feel they aren't alone and are given extra strength.

0

We have been trained to suppress the pride and satisfaction one should feel when we accomplish anything. It's something that religion uses to constrain the mind and it definitely works.

0

I havent a god, I do good work but don't count it as such because its humanitarian and someday I will need help - If you r mum want to s=attribut it to god thats her business and her right .has she ever said she doesn't feel complete - Our feelings about our selves are ofteh complicated its hard to be self aware and most people do things for others because they want to not because they want to be recognised. I 'd say recognise her yourself just love her that s enough

0

Humility and a lack of agency are halmarks of good (i.e. real) christians. To give a completely false choice of a question...In the end, is the good she has brought to the world worth her requisite lack of agency? My guess is probably yes.

0

I have a very strong respect for having secular values. You don't have to believe in the sky Daddy, or a reward in the afterlife to do for others and be a good person. I can understand your frustration , because I experience the same frustration with people.

0

My grandma is the same way. I get it, I wish she would take credit. Then again, who am I to criticize her beliefs.

0

Your mom sounds like a good person, and from what you write, it sounds like you love your mom a lot. However, I highly doubt you're ever going to change your mom's beliefs about herself and religion. It's unfortunate, but true. It can be tough to accept when you have a lot of love for your parent and want to see them happy and fulfilled. The thing is, in your mom's mind, she is. Religion apparently gives her what she needs or else she wouldn't be so devoted to it. It's unfortunate that she can't see beyond it, but she doesn't have the skills you do to see a different way towards happiness and contentment. You need to let your mom be as she is, and hopefully she does the same for you. You can't change who she is, just as she can't change who you are. Nor would you want her to.

0

I had a mother that did similar things take comfort in the thought that it makes her happy.

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