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Are you able to allow others to be who they are with out judgement? One percent of those who see this will get the meaning behind that possibly...

Outsideit67 7 Jan 23
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12

I would argue that judgement is necessary for a healthy society. When you place judgement on people that are rude, bigoted, or hateful, that is a public acknowledgement that they are doing something wrong. Without the judgement of the public, hateful people can go about their daily lives believing their actions are- if not supported, at least accepted. So in short, when I see some redneck waving his rebel flag and driving an over-sized truck fuming with black smoke, I'm gonna judge the shit out of them.

10

Something I realized a long time ago; was that I personally struggle with what I refer to as, "hating the haters". I considered myself non judgemental, accepting...... until I realized that didn't extend to the Westborough Baptist Church. Didn't extend to parents who disown their gay child.... Didn't extend to racists. The list goes on of people I felt deserved to be judged negatively. And I realized they felt this strongly about those they were judging.... and that was a common ground I didn't want to have. So I had to find a place to try to understand.... if I had their genetics and had been raised in their life.... walked all the miles in their shoes.... could I really say I would be better? That I could make better choices? I can't say that. If I don't want people to hate it might need to start with me.... and with the ones who are so easy to hate/ judge.

LuciMP Level 5 Jan 23, 2018

Many of us WERE raised by hateful racists. I remember, as a child in the mid 1960s, we were in a department store, and we saw a young couple...a white woman with a black man. My mother looked at the woman, and in a sneering, horrible voice, said, "Well, it looks like you hate YOUR parents." I felt dirty and embarrassed. I realized, at that second, that my own mother was not a kind or decent human being. I was 7 years old.

Well said. πŸ‘

Brava!

@yayagoddess I didn't intend to imply all racists were raised by hateful racists. Sorry if that was misunderstood or seemed to be implied; I am merely saying there is a very complex mixture of genetics and environment that combine to shape who we are; and that I try to just understand that person on their level.

I can only imagine how hard it would be to feel that way about your mother at 7 years of age; I am so sorry. But I also know your genetics and experiences are different from hers. Thank goodness!!! You escaped the ignorance; and something in you made you immediately recognize that hate speech as wrong and hurtful!! That is wonderful.....

I do not claim to know the difference for the people who hear that sort of thing and relate and mimic; versus those who hear it and recoil and strive to be more kind. I just want to try not to let myself be ruled with hate and judgement. I am also in the business of helping people, and sometimes I have to help jerks. LOL.....My multi-cultural training taught me to respect things I do not agree with, and to meet people on their level. It is the only way I can help them.

I felt the same way about my dad. Then I watched an old Tarzan movie where he comes to New York and Cheetah has a phone conversation with a black servant and thought " well if this is what he was indoctrinated with s a kid?"

@yayagoddess Wow.....that's awful. How cool that you were astute and wise at such a young age.

6

think of the steps required to comment on the sky: Color-- grey? Dark grey? Grayish blue? Exactly What shade of blue? Raining, (how hard?) snowing, foggy? Etc.....you nor anyone else cannot function without judging everything, every minute, never mind communicate. It is a human thing. Civilization happens when you learn to judge gently.

6

That only 1% will get it -THAT seems quite a judgement to me πŸ™‚

Surely acceptance is a better term. For example you may hold some views or exhibit some behaviour that I'm not really comfortable with but after reflection I may decide I can accept them
Or maybe your views and/or behaviour is so outside of my comfort zone that I just can't accept them.
There's a role within say therepy for creating a temporary non judgemental space that allows people to express themselves without fear -but in real daily life? I don't think that would be a good thing.
We'd have every racist wife beating child molester running around demanding not to be judged

5

Allllll day long we have to make judgments. Will I make it through that traffic light before it changes? Will I be able to stop before I hit that Cadillac in front of me. I make multiple judgments an hour in my job. I choose my clothing for the day on whether or not I will be sufficiently warm in my office or house. When I meet people one of the first things I notice is teeth, (weird, I know) and there are a few judgement to be made there. Yes, I can allow others to be who they are, but I am also judging them. Judgement doesn't necessarily mean a negative thing, it is more assessing information. Our ancestors had to rely on split second judgments to stay alive, as sometimes we do (stopping distance).

5

I will allow other people to be people: flawed, selfish, short-lived ( myself included). When they (insert dramatic flourish of a sweeping arm here) interfere with my liberty and pursuit of my own happiness? Gloves come off.

4

Judgement, be it intentional or not, almost seems to be a reflex. While your entire opinion of something may not be based on how you initially judge it, that subconsciously will effect how feel overall

4

I don't like being judged. I try not to judge others. Different strokes for different folks.

I do in my mind but I generally keep it to myself unless asked.

4

I have to say as Xian we weren't supposed to judge, but was very judgmental😟 All I can say is when I do judge now I tell myself not to, and by golly that sometimes really works

4

I allow others to be who they are and to have their points of view freely as long as it doesn't impinge upon my freedom of rights πŸ™‚. I don't think it can be without judgement, I mean we see something, we hear something, we hear another persons political opinion, or whatever, we will judge, perhaps internally. I get it, I just don't buy it.

4

I must be one of the 99%. I think you have to make assessments about situations and people as you go about your own business. Be ready to make reassessments at any time. I would not want to make aggressive or malicious actions against others. We should consistently reassess our thoughts and actions too.

4

It's a normal human brain function to to make assumptions. Learning to keep it to yourself is what people have a hard time doing. Attacking or making someone feel like shit because of judgment is wrong. That old saying applies. Until you walk a mile in my shoes.

4

I judge people and am yet to be convinced that I shouldn't.

4

I am sorry but often enough judgement is the only thing stopping someone from acting their most crazy thoughts and normal people can get very, very crazy inside.

3

Everybody judges people mentally, the trick is to keep your trap shut about unwelcome/unwanted opinions. A bit like hitting women, there are plenty of REASONS to hit a woman, you just don't do it...!

lololol I haven't laughed so loud for ages thanks!!!
a bit of truth in that too!!

3

everyone judges hence newspapers and proper gander. it's natural. we are all hypocrites, we all lie even to ourselves and we are all mistrusting and selfish. it's natural. from one extreme to the other. acting on your weaknesses and floors is a different thing though.

2

Your brain makes a judgment seconds before you become conscious of it. What you seem to be asking is whether we can be more tolerant of those who are different. As Dr. Robert Salposky states, the brain is hardwired to get edgy around the Other (those who are different from ourselves), but who falls into that category is decidedly malleable. So, are you OK with allowing others to be who they are in all circumstances?

2

Of course not. Discrimination (aka judgement) happens from the womb. We learn to discriminate our mother's voice from others, after birth we learn to descriminate entire in groups and out groups. We hone this skill until we die. Unless we actively challenge what we were taught to discriminate and then just as actively seek to undo our conditioning, we are doomed to a judgemental existence. And even when we do challenge our conditioning, I haven't seen an instance where a person was able to shed their entire lifetime.

But... I believe if there's grace in this world, it's encapsulated within this struggle.

2

2.341% will get the meaning behind that possibility.

2

I judge beliefs and the actions they inspire. Some people are unable to separate beliefs from self and probably feel that I judge them. I'm okay with that. We should all have strong beliefs loosely held.

2

Yeah. But that doesn't mean I can't challenge them. And same with them to me.
My sister's family is in the opposite side of the political divide as me.

2

I believe there is value in mastering the art of being able to view/observe things without judgement. Yah it goes against our natural instincts but sometimes it is a good skill to have. Of course at other times it could get you killed- hence our natural instinct.

1

I'll admit it. I judge. All the time. I think it's fairly impossible not to.

1

The idea that we are not supposed to judge comes from the Bible, and I think it means something different in that context than mere assessment. Of course we must assess all situations and people if we are to survive, but non-judgement in the biblical sense is, I think, more akin to the Taoist or Buddhist idea of non-attachment. It’s about learning to see only what is, without habitually evaluating it for your own selfish purposes (just like science!). In the Christian flavor, I think it refers to a practice of refraining from seeing other people as having lesser (or even greater) moral value than ourselves. Yes, it is human nature to make those judgements, but that is what practice is for; to retrain our instincts to something more beneficial to all involved. And it isn’t necessarily just an act of kindness toward the other person. A disciplined mind contributes to our own liberation.

skado Level 9 Jan 23, 2018
1

No, but I'm able to allow others to be who they are despite my judgment. My judgments are mine, not the other person's.

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