Agnostic.com

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I've been on this site since April and enjoy it immensely. There is one aspect that saddens me. It seems to me that sometimes posts get into pissing contests over who is right or wrong, or smarter than others.I may be guilty of that myself. I've blocked people who want to fight about the contents of some of my posts. We all have our areas of expertise and it can be annoying at the very least when someone won't acknowledge that fact. I heard a phrase the other day (from my daughter, no less) -- "Everyone has orgasms, and mine are better than yours -- and more important." Substitute the word 'opinions' for 'orgasms' and it illustrates what I'm trying to say.
I don't see too many instances where anyone uses any one of the following phrases: "I'm sorry" or "I was wrong" or "Thanks, I didn't know that." Maybe others enjoy arguing more than I do. I'd rather have respectful conversations.

ladyprof70 7 Sep 11
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25 comments

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8

Ugh, everyone has different life experiences. Not everyone can have an orgasm. Not everyone can have multiple. Just because you experience one thing, doesn't mean everyone does!

People need to learn to actually listen to each other and learn from one another.

I have learned huge spectrums of experience and tolerance from many posters here and very pleased to have met a few loving Atheists in our search for a lifelong mate... we all can't be "perfect" or what to settle for, but we all can support each other's search and this lovely community of freedom from theocracy

@GreenAtheist YES!! You'd think as atheist/agnostics we'd be more tolerant and understanding but I've run into some pretty judgmental people as well. Oh well, I guess it takes all kinds to make the world go round.

@Marcie1974 above all people my age are increasingly dealing with grief and mourning lost loved ones and peers and neighbors and heroic others we admired in life....too many believers pretend religion makes death ok.... bullshit to them all....we have good groups here of widows and widowers and others dealing with loss here and none have spewed out idiotic prEyers or insane religious rationalizations that are on billboards and hospital walls everywhere

@Marcie1974 and to 'make it move'... 😛

Unfortunately, it can be tough to listen to another when someone blocks you! Even for no known reason!

6

Human nature.
We aren't always on our best behavior.
Some of us are more guilty of that kind of thing than others.
While part of me understands wanting to demand that people treat each other
better, the larger part of me knows better than to expect it.
I'm not condoning it, but perhaps I've just learned to let it roll.

6

I get where you are coming from, and I agree with one caveat: not all opinions are of equal value. Some are simply and demonstrably wrong. At 74, I tend to have trouble suffering fools. Which is not to say I cannot be wrong or learn something new.

5

When I have an opinion that differs from another poster, I try to preface my comment by "My feeling is..." or "In my experience..." or "It's my understanding..." trying to convey that I don't feel I have the ultimate answer, but am simply offering my comments.

That said, when people reply to my comment with an argument, I try to ignore it. Have felt like blocking some of the more belligerent arguers.

For the most part, I haven't seen all that much arguing. I try to assume the best of intentions (instead of the worst) in most people, and try to stay positive.

I have to admit to being a bit snarky myself once or twice, when it comes to misogynistic male posters... I freely admit I have no patience or respect for posters who do not value women as more than playthings. Pretty sure I'm not alone there.

5

Not to be confrontational lol, but I think once someone posts something on a social media site where the topic can be interpreted or debated by the public then they have no right to censor anyone's opinion. You have the right to not engage or have a discussion and to even block someone, but I don't like that option and I think it's just as disrespectful. I'm not saying you do it, but I have known people who will block others who put up a respectful debate but then block them because they don't want to engage or have no good rebuttal. I had a friend from as far back as college (almost 17 years ago) tell me she didn't care about my opinion and she wouldn't hesitate to block me (Facebook) yesterday even though I was nothing but respectful while I presented my view point on an issue. She said to another poster, who agreed with her, that why should she care about my opinion and that she didn't post anything to get anyone's opinion. So I just deleted her from my friends list. What good is having a friend who will shoot you down because of a viewpoint and act like you don't matter? Don't have anyone able to see your post if you are going to be like that. Maybe this was more of a rant for me lol

@KissedbySun on the other hand, there is respect. On my personal profile page in Facebook, I have posted interesting things for Progressives to discuss. There are debates between people who agree on certain core values. And I had, for instance, a FB friend who was the brother of a friend. He worked for Amazon. He would come onto my posts and start in with a corporatist perspective, which we have all around us and does not need representation. It is also squarely against the grain of the conversation, and pissed people off. The subtlety of the conversation was lost and it was no longer between the two contrasting but still human-oriented Progressive views. It became him as the opposite of a social justice warrior against the Progressives; he took up all the air in the room. I requested by private message that he not comment with a corporatist point of view on certain posts; whereupon he insisted on his rights. I tried a few times very politely to explain why, without insulting either corporatist comments or him. I said it was like posting a candidate's sign on my lawn and my neighbor insisting on his right to deface it. At that point my posts were open to public comment and I literally had to block my friend's brother. I wish I had not had to.

Another more germane example is somewhere in these forums where someone asked women only to comment on what men need to do to respect women's boundaries. I think that is fair. Men making women's spaces their own; taking up all the space in the room; is too prevalent, and even on a post where they can access the same comment space as women, they need to respect a request not to.

Even on the twitter feed of a celebrity once I read and commented on a post asking for just women to comment,on something spurred on by the MeToo movement. Mostly men stayed off the keyboard, but some felt the need to comment; and not just the assholes. It was just men having to have their own opinion stated; men have almost universally reacted to the abuse uncovered by saying "I am a Good Guy; and I have X emotional issue because of MeToo" which is a valid feeling for them to have, no matter how tone-deaf; but it was a simple request for men to stay off of one twitter comment out of what, a hundred a week of this random celebrity.

Although these are examples of the type of opinions that are far overrepresented in public, and need a space; this would be the same for any "please do not comment that I should just solve my problem by doing X" or "please, positive comments only"

So I feel that we ought to be able to limit terms of debate as posters. But these requests~ and I DO consider them ok AFTER (during) the fact, as for instance I no more expected a corporatist point of view to be insisted on as a Nazi one or a Catholic one, so a poster cannot be expected to pre-empt every problematic (to them) comment~ need to be clearly and politely stated.

@LionMousePudding Except your lawn is private property. You had to have known that someone on your FB had different viewpoints than you on some issues. Why be their friend or have any contact whatsoever with them then? Are we that closed off to differing views where we always want an echo chamber? We don't have to agree with differing views and we can always try to prove them wrong, but completely closing them out to feel safe is not cool. At least to me. Unless they are being blatantly disrespectful. And I am a liberal.

@KissedbySun Yeah, not even being disrespectful. She didn't really have a response to my points and all she did was try to insult me. This is someone I knew for like 17 years from college. I had never done anything on her FB page in the past decade to insult her or even argue with her. The atmosphere today is crazy on both sides of the political aisle. And her and I are BOTH liberals.

@Piece2YourPuzzle you confuse me. First you blame me for having a friend or contact who disagrees with me on something. Then you imply I live in a polarized bubble.

I do not think it too much to ask of the world that we have friends who have very different ideas than ours and yet not have to share with each person everything that we do with another.

But we don't have to do the tangential-argument-in-subcomments thing. I understand and agree with most of what you said.

@LionMousePudding I'm not blaming you for anything. I'm just saying why would you have anyone on your friends list that you might think has a differing opinion if you will just ask them not to give their opinion? Isn't that wanting an echo chamber?

5

The problem I've faced is a lack of even trying to see another person's point of view. In civil disagreements this usually results in agreeing to disagree, then dropping it and moving on.

5

Sometimes it happens in a Private Message.

Sometimes even right on the board.

Sometimes there's a dumpster fire...

Lyrics?? Oh I'm hearing "The Gambler" in my head....

5

Wherever there's humans, there's occasional discord - just for the sake of it !

5

You do you, I do me and let's strive to do or cause no harm.

4

Sometimes belonging to specific groups for specific interests will elicit the "Thanks, I didn't know that" type of response. For an example (& I'm always looking for fresh content, as I'm just a curious layperson...&, as a "Shameless Plug" (tm)) try... [agnostic.com] ! &, while I'm at it may as well go for it... [agnostic.com] !!!

4

I have not actually seen this except once I was very angry at someone who was making a claim which was personally extremely hurtful, painful, cruel, and untrue, which pertained to me. I was not rude and "walked away" but it did make me see there are closed-minded people here.

However I find it an order of magnitude better than the comments sections at Kos, let alone what I see on Facebook!

3

For the most part I find people on here in to be respectful, but some can be very opinionated. I admit I've gotten into a few dust-ups, but nothing that escalated or couldn't be easily resolved. I think some people just like to provoke, or aren't aware that they come across that way. I just have to allow that it takes all kinds, and if someone is going to continue to be difficult I will try to avoid them.

3

well you have met humans right. I`ld say this site is better than most but still ........

3

That's because my posts are better than yours!

Oh yeah?? Do you have any absolutely irrefutable evidence for that????? 😉

@ladyprof70 lmao

3

I've seen a couple discussions that went straight to personal attacks. Pretty much starts out as 'Tastes great or less filling' and someone goes straight to 'you're an idiot!' I share your frustration, but it's a huge forum. To compare it to that other social media platform, this one is like you've friended every member, so if your circle's too big shrink it a little. No harm, no foul.

2

I agree. There are plenty of argumentative know-it-alls on this site. It's possible to converse, or even debate on a topic politely.

2

My way around this.
My car has an AM radio if I want static I go turn it on.?

2

aretha said it, didn't she?

maybe we were all tapping our feet but not really listening.

i label my opinions as such, but i know some facts, too, and (sadly enough) a lot of folks don't know the difference. i've run into some conspiracy theorists, pugnacious political trolls and folks who think any time you disagree on ANYTHING (the taste of celery not excepted) you're attacking them personally. it's hard not to respond in kind when they get personal and nasty. that's when i use the block feature.

g

2

Thank you...some ofy posts have engendred exactly that. I don't quite understand it, but ok. I still love the site and what the hell, if people like to argue, that's ok with me because, at least here, there is a bit more probability of an intelligent discussion evolving from it.

2

Yeah I agree I'm here for Pleasant conversation I'm not trying to figure out the mysterys of the universe or change the world and I try to respect other people's opinions and feelings on this site I just enjoy interacting with other people and when people start jumping my butt over things that I said or want to try to argue me into their point of view I just use my block button

2

Guilty.

2

A very common human flaw that some take to the extreme and other's display little of.

Betty Level 8 Sep 11, 2018
2

Well, what do you expect when other people besides me think they are right?! Geez.

2

Totally Agree.

2

I treasure my time here sharing and boosting up Atheists out of the closets , seeking love with the happy Atheist for the next 50 years of my life.... I'm sorry if I've disappointed anyone or annoyed anyone with my forward militant Atheism and Peace Through GREEN JOBS politics....TrumpOLINI war enablers deserve our scorn....we all need to be lawful citizens of good will

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