I avoid this entire drama with my "don't ask; don't tell" policy regarding being "out" to relatives.

"I'll be having too much fun with my friends...you?"
Or, "I am looking forward to the peace & quiet & non-judgemental attitude"
Or, if pushed to the limit, "none of your beeswax".
You could also mention Unlimited Gall.......

Well, bless them and their self-assurance that they're heaven bound! If they can be that sure, they're claiming the power to determine their fate, in which case they're not relying on a determination from another power. How does that not imply that they could possess veto power over a supreme being? Their own faith could suggest they're in for a surprise. ?

No ..but whenever I did anything stupid as a child .My Mother...not the most sympathetic would say "Hell mend you ".
Nice !

I can only imagine how painful a statement that was to receive. I didn't deal with that in my family but it would have caused many feelings in me that I would have had to process. Hang tough.

I'd laugh at their stupidity if they tried.

No

This does raise philosophical issues. If heaven is supposed to be free of pain, how can they miss you? If they don't miss you, are they really 'them'?

No, but that would be a one way ticket to "You're dead to me". No ifs ands or buts.

Bad enough my girl's aunt thinks gawd sends disasters to places because "he's really mad about the hate in the world". (also thinks her measly prayers to give her one more day with her dog being answered is a thing while children are starving)
Just NO. Nope that shit from space. Nopety Nope Nope Nopesville USA. GTFO, do not pass GO, do not collect $100.

No, they will be right there with me.

not me! i was raised a secular jew. i didn't even know whether my parents believed in god or not until i was in my 20s. (they weren't sure.)

g

Wow, what a lovely thing to say to someone ?

My ex in laws. They told my kids that I was leading them to hell. Scared them so much. Made me SO angry. Now they are grown and make their own decisions. They are atheist and in no way worry about religious bullshit. Needless to say, they don't see their Grandparents often.