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Not everyone spending Thanksgiving alone wants to be pitied. Sometimes it's a conscious choice, made from a history of bad experiences beyond ones control.

I’m so thankful for my son and daughter who totally understand and accept my need to spend holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas alone. After years of hurtful ridicule from my former in-laws, stating I have no business celebrating those holidays because I’m a Humanist, not a Christian, I’m pretty much scarred for life from ever wanting to celebrate those holidays, even though I have been divorced from that side of the family for years.

After years of being excluded from celebrating holidays with my in-laws, being forced to stay home alone, chastised for my non-belief, I told myself that’s what I would prefer anyway, and I’m pretty convincing, since I can’t seem to bring myself to want to celebrate with anyone anymore. Happy to spend these days by myself, doing as I please and not needing to participate in the stress of the holidays.

Am I thankful? Yes, but not to a supernatural deity. My circumstances are the result of human choices, diligence, hard work, fulfilling responsibilities, and were built upon the generations of sacrifice and the following of dreams. I am fully cognizant of the fact my current happy life is resting on a long history of lives before me, and the lives of those in the present, interacting. I prefer to honor that fact.

Even though I’m far removed from the stress of trying to please those small minded ex-relatives who judged everything from my limited cooking talents to my decision not to baptize my children, and my wish to thank the farmers, truck drivers, grocery store employees and the cooks and good company who contributed to the Thanksgiving feast, rather than a supernatural deity for the bounty, the holidays I enjoyed as a kid are forever marked as dark days for me.

It’s sad how the piety of the religionists can still thwart the happiness of fair-minded individuals who simply want to celebrate in their own way, just because they are (or were) in the majority and feel they can afford to be mean spirited to non-believers.

My hope is that someday those religious zealots will realize how wrong they were and will begin to recognize the worth of those of other faiths, whether that is faith in a different prophet than theirs or simply faith in the natural world and humanity’s role in it to create the harmony we need to co-exist happily. I do have faith in humanity, though it is a struggle sometimes.

By Julie8087
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13 comments

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0

HI I know I'm late to the thread, but I just wanted to add my holiday sob story.
Every holiday we would go to one of the aunts for dinner. I lived with my grandparents because my parents abandoned me when I was a young toddler and they left me with my paternal grandparents. The family was very religious.
I never understood how such christian people could treat me so badly. I was pretty much ignored at the events until it came to time to clean up, then I had to do all the dishes by myself. 15 people and cooking pans and dishes.
They just ignored me. I was an inconvenience to them because I was supposedly just like my mother. I was a child who didn't remember one thing about her but I was just like her?
I was never so happy as the day I moved to a different state and cut all ties with them.
Oh and I found out I'm nothing like my mother, we reunited several years ago; No wonder they didn't like her. But yeah I'm nothing like that b****h.

1

I usually make a point of spending holidays away from my parents. Something always seems to piss off my mother and then she starts belittling people and name calling.

Sounds like a win-win situation by avoiding the conflicts. smile009.gif

3

I hope that you had a wonderful day !!!

Buddha Level 7 Nov 22, 2018

Sure am - day's not over here yet. Sun is about to set and the moon should be rising over the ocean pretty soon. I'll take a walk up the street where folks are eating beachfront and sit on a log to enjoy the scenery. I'm lucky and grateful for all I have.

2

I love spending holidays with my son and his family. I loved spending holidays with my ex and her family, even long after we were divorced. I enjoyed interacting with her family and they treated me just as they did when I was married. For a couple of years it wasn’t possible, but we worked it out. My last wife and I hosted holidays during the time we were married, with my son and his family. I did spend several holidays alone and was not fond of it. It isn’t the holiday that I care about, but I love family time, even the extended family. I have never been able to understand disfunctional famlies. I got along well with my in-laws even if not with my wives! ?

Glad for you.

4

First let me say how sorry I am that you had to take on opinions that hurt you so deeply! But, you appear to have found your voice and your balance...I applaud you! I know how in-laws that are judgemental, can have a lasting effect on a young mother, trying to learn the ropes of motherhood and the world! Some people are corrupted by religion, and they cause great harm! I wish I knew then, what I know now!! Most Religious people must think that people will desolve into the most ‘wayward,’ life if they aren’t shamed...in one way or the other! And they justify their actions, as standing up to people who would go against God! As if people needed to defend God (if there was one)! It is so sick, and damaging to the psyche of a person! I just remembered a book I read long past, ‘Your God is Too Small!’ Can’t remember the author, but it helped me, keeping moving onward and outward! My best to you!

Thanks. Their treatment of me only solidified my non-belief and made me stronger and more defiant in standing up against the way non-religious folks are treated.

I'd probably handle things differently today than I did decades ago, now that I've had years to mature and soften, but it was hurtful back then. My kids (also atheist) seem to be good advocates for the humanistic way they were raised, with the religious relatives always complimentary toward them, surprised they turned out to be such wonderful adults, without any god-fearing put into them!

I remember my daughter confiding to me, after one holiday spent with family while I was asked to stay home, that her aunt said "One thing I'll say about your mom is that she raised you well!." It was touching that my daughter thought it was important I should hear that, likely knowing that under my brave exterior I was secretly hurting a bit. It's all good - she is also raising wonderful kids without religion and the relatives ooh and aww over them just the same. Glad for that! smile001.gif

@Julie808 i can’t help but feel sad for your early years! You would think that Religious people would be the most compassionate, but I have found that not to be true!

@Freedompath Some are and some are not. I know some very friendly and compassionate believers, who accept me and value me for who I am, not what I believe. Unfortunately, some of the mean ones just never seem to feel an apology is in order, as long as they believe their god forgives them, no reason to apologize to the people they hurt. Oh well, life goes on, and I'm enjoying my day in spite of them.

@Julie808 I know that is true everywhere and isn’t that so sad? Those people must be disconnected, but still see themselves as above others...I had experience with many of them before I totally left religion behind!

4

I just read the 1st paragraph and i'm 100% with you on it!

AnTwanSr Level 4 Nov 22, 2018
3

I've done the alone thing for the holidays too. It's really relaxing.

3

Very well said. Yes. Many religious people are mean spirited.

SukiSue Level 8 Nov 22, 2018

smile001.gif You mean some people are just mean spirited no matter what they believe or pretend to believe in, rightsmile009.gif

@AnTwanSr precisely.

5

I am thankful that you are able to spend your day how you see fit, and don't have to tolerate anyone's "disapproval". We should all be able to do that.
Happy Thanksgiving.

KKGator Level 9 Nov 22, 2018
3

If it wasn't for family i would give damn to ? any of the holidays. Since, im a non believer now. We have do what makes us happy and not hurt by religious bs.

freedom41 Level 8 Nov 22, 2018
8

I've been single for the past 3 holiday seasons and I love it. Now, where'd I put that frozen pizza ?

I just had a big bowl of ice cream for dinner. It's a holiday!!

@AmiSue For lunch I had convenience store burritos!

For me it was going to be reheating a pot pie or some creamy chicken/rice soup, but I just baked some stuffed peppers for my lunch instead. Lucky I can eat anything and anytime I want today, and then take a walk tonight to enjoy the full moon.

@potteryguy2018 Risky! I like it.

@Julie808 Yeah, no time schedules to keep! I might have to venture out and see what's happening in town.

@Julie808, @AmiSue Next...gas station hot dogs! Hahaha

5

I spend it alone because I don't want to bother people and my kids won't associate with me because I smoke weed and bad-mouth jesus.

I love pot. And jeebus can rot in his imaginary hell!

7

When I had full custody of all three of my sons it was a holiday to send them to their mothers..so I get it..

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