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How long did it take you to get over your divorce? I am in the process of serving my husband, but it's hard when he lives on a boat. I go out to clubs and see weird relationships, and hear people not talking so well about their significant others. Everybody needs time to heal- heck my lawyer said no dating until the divorce is over. I honestly thought that I would be driving around the parking lot at this point saying, "Hey you - get into my car." But I feel more like crazy cat woman and just flinging cats at people.

UrsiMajor 8 Feb 17
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34 comments (26 - 34)

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1

I'm sure it's very individual. I assume you mean by "get over", some form of "moving on", either into a new relationship or a solo situation, and being at peace with it.

My divorce from my first wife was overdue as it was a very dysfunctional and stressful relationship, so I didn't need a lot of time to come to terms with it; I'm the type that comes to terms before even acting. I don't think it took me more than 2 weeks to adjust. But that is just me, and my particular situation at that time. Also I had sole custody of our two children, and that kept me busy and kept my head out of my butt.

My second marriage ended with my wife's death, and it was a pretty good marriage, but even there, the loss was tempered by it not being unexpected (it was related to chronic illness) and by there being a lot of practical upside to it being over with (she was beyond the reach of her suffering, and I was no longer bound to the role of sole care-giver). In that case, there was a lot more pain, but the worst of it was over in six months and I was clear of it in a couple of years. On the other hand I met people who were DECADES past the death of a spouse and still deep in grief. That is not normal. Others simply just never fully "let go" and made widow(er)hood part of their identity. That isn't really normal / optimal either, but it's a choice, I guess.

I guess what it boils down to is that so long as you're not pretty much "stuck" and things are moving in the right direction on average, don't worry to much about the pacing. I believe yours subconscious knows how to process / adjust if you let it.

1

Well, I did a happy dance in the living room when I opened signed divorce papers from the court. It had been a year and a half since I kicked him out though.

1

Well, getting over your divorce will be easy once the papers are finalized and you have sold your wedding ring. Lol! Don't let anyone tell you that divorce is easy, pleasant, or something that you will get over in a cold snap! From experience, it will take you a few years to get yourself back on track with "you". Once you find yourself, then you need to decide if you want to get back into a relationship. Remember, relationships take time, patience, and lots and lots of work. Be aware of the red flags when you start dating. You don't want to make the same mistakes twice.

1

Didn't have to get over the divorce . Still haven't gotten over the marriage , but I'm working on it . Former mother-in-law died . That helps . Wish I'd never met her .

I understand. Sometimes in-laws need to stay out of marriages and work on their own personal issues on their own.

1

Divorce is like a death in the family, it takes time to heal, not that ones death is something you get over. I have been divorced 6 years now and still miss the house we built together. I think it depends on the situation, my ex verbally abused me and was an alcoholic so I don't miss that part of it but wonder why he was so mean to me most of our marriage. Just take your time, if you are not comfortable going out then don't. My motto is "I want a man in my life, just not in my house!" Haha

1

About 6 months.

0

I totally get how tough it can be going through a divorce. It's a rollercoaster of emotions, and healing takes time. It's okay to feel all over the place and even a bit like "crazy cat woman" at times.

0

It's completely normal to need time to heal, and your lawyer's advice about not dating until the divorce is finalized makes sense. It's important to take care of yourself emotionally during this time.

0

It has been over 4 years since I got divorced and I still have nightmares about it

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