Agnostic.com
  1. Agnostic
  2. Posts
  3. Family & Parenting

9 5

Getting tough..i have been friends with this girl about 6 months...wife of my brother's friend. I have witnessed them argue alot..but now last 2 Saturdays i saw him hit her. Last week i took her with me home..she went back but now I saw it again and she is back at my place.....but also kids...which was not the case last week. So i have a gf and 2 little boys in my tiny apt because of some angry asshole who thinks it is ok to hit his wife....in front of his kids...on Saturday

#domesticviolence #friends
Dandewine 7 Feb 9
Share
Submit

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

9 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

1

Level 8

Is she ready to tell the cops that he hits her? Otherwise, you can't do a thing to help her. Don't be surprised if she protects him and is nasty to you.

1

Level 7

Not okay. She needs to move on and take the kids with her. What the hell was the supposed reason for it?

They drink( i do too) but when they start drinking they get into arguments over nothing and he gets angry and I've seen it many times..but only second time I've seen him hit her. I'm also concerned if he hits the children.

@Dandewine , Damn. You're doing the right thing seeking advice.

@Dandewine Call the cops whenever there is a fight; if the cops see her with marks they will take her to a hospital and professionals will question the kids. She may no talk but the kids usually do. We don't want another femicide.
3

Level 8

Hoping this advice isn't out of date, there are a group of well served and well connected shelters across the entire USA (I worked as a front line counsellor for one). They have strong connections with local and state police. I remember we managed to get a family from Mesa AZ to Alaska into a safe house there. They are experts and they offer counselling to children and Mums. Boys are at risk of becoming abusers themselves or taking retribution on parents. It is good of you to care for them, but they will need professional help.

3

Level 8

Just be careful. Even with the best of intentions, this situation could backfire on you. I hope not but just stay aware. Perhaps directing her to a shelter for abused women would be beneficial for her and her children. Remember the old saying 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions'. Bravo to you for helping someone in need. ♥️

Thanks. I feel lost. i doubt she will go to a shelter..
3

Level 7

I understand wanting to help, but you're putting yourself in danger when you harbor her. If you feel the need to giver her shelter, be prepared to call 911 if he shows up. Don't try to reason, let the cops do that.

2

Level 8

Can you connect her with a local battered women's group? She needs lots of support not to go back. & you may want to think about getting a restraining order to keep him from coming to your house.

Carin Level 8 Feb 9, 2019
Reply
3

Level 9

Wow.. Your brothers friend! That's not a good friend to have...

He is cool most of the time......but then.... WTF

@Dandewine being cool most of the time doesn't work with me at all...

@Dandewine Why don't you suggest your brother talk to his friend about not being an abuser?

@Carin oh he has...even before hitting we were aware of my brother told him he was being a dick and you can't treat the mother of your children this way. It's a Motorcycle Club. Not that it matters

@Dandewine yeah most abusers seem to be nice people. Maintaining that image is part of keeping their victim stuck.
4

Level 8

Good for you for being there for a friend. Don’t take it personally if she goes back. He has invested a lot of time into manipulating her to think it’s her fault/she needs him.

Horrible thought...Probably true
3

Level 9

Beware and be careful. In Texas once my wife and I made friends with this couple and all went well for a time. We visited each other at our respective homes. Then word got around that he hits her. She started coming to us secretly so she could "hide from him." That was about the time that my wife and I decided we did not want to play the game.

Well she and kids have safe haven tonight...not gonna kick them out...but yeah I need to back away from this unless she really will leave him.
Write Comment

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

Share this post

Copy Link

Categories

You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:285587
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.