God has the shittiest Breakfast Club.

At one of my jobs, each Sunday, a church rents out our space to use for whatever. This last Sunday they were performing the most holy "eating of the zombie crackers and drinking of the undead Jew juice". That's cool, bro. Do whatever, just pay me after you're done.
Following their service, they usually throw away the unused Christ crackers and vampire sauce. But before fully committing to the tossing of Jesus' brunch party pack, the church leader/Renter/mostly nice guy asked if i would like some.
Sure. It's about lunch time. It's no fish and loaves, but hey, beggars can't be choosers...
What he didn't say, is the church is now so super woke, they offer glutten free Yahweh cookies. Glutten free! so woke.
What I learned is that these flat, unflavored fried rice disks will sick in your teeth with the same hellacious fury as a popcorn kernel.
It was in my struggles to free myself from this demented demigod's woke-ass shitty breakfast cereal, that I complained out loud, to a customer, "Ah! Fuck! I can't get Jesus outta my mouth!"
...
The man stopped mid-pour of the grave-tastic kool-aid (don't drink it, kids), looked at me open mouthed, and laughed.
Maybe this church is woke...