i have just received an annoying email from the universal life church, congratulating me on my five-year anniversary of becoming an ordained minister. i never did any such thing. i've never been christian. i've been an atheist for my whole adult life and half my teen years too. i was raised as a secular jew. there is no way in the proverbial hell i would be interested in becoming an ordained minister. they have my entire name right, including my whole middle name (i always use my initial) and my correct email address, and i have no idea how they got the idea i was affiliated with them in any way. the email reads:
Hello Rev. Gail,
Another year, another cheer! That's right, it's now been 5 years since you became an ordained minister! We can't believe it either. Time really does fly when you are having fun, doesn't it? It's been a while since we've been in touch, and we just wanted to check in and see how things are going. Have you been taking full advantage of your status as a legally ordained minister?
Rev Gail Ordination Certificate
No matter what activities you might have planned moving forward, we've worked hard to ensure that our site is stocked with all of the information and supplies that you may need to meet any challenge that comes your way and continue your mission to make the universe a better place. We would encourage you to click around the site and explore all of the resources that are available to you.
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That said, chances are you're already an old pro at this. Indeed, you've probably officiated your fair share of ceremonies by this point, but are you doing so in full regalia? If you'd like to add a bit of flair to your clergy outfit, consider picking up an official ULC stole! Our stoles feature tasteful gold stitching, high-quality tassels, and are available in a range of color options.
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If it's been a while since you last connected with us on social media, then let's get back in touch! By using #ordained and sharing photos or memories of your experiences, we're able to follow all the exciting projects undertaken by ministers like you. Seeing your wonderful stories motivates us to keep getting better each day, so please don't be bashful!
We're thrilled to be able to offer guidance and assistance as you continue on the road ahead. We strongly believe that change comes from the ground up, and by providing support to influential individuals such as yourself, we're confident that tangible improvements can be made to this incredible planet we inhabit. Remember: we are all children of the same universe.
You are receiving this message because you became ordained through the Universal Life Church. If you wish to be removed from these emails you can unsubscribe here.
that's it except for the links to all the crap they want me to buy from them.
i wrote what i felt was a fairly restrained but direct response telling them how mistaken they are and how annoyed i am. they sent me an automatic email response:
A representative will follow-up with you as soon as possible.
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Universal Life Church Ministries
i can't WAIT.
I have been a ordained minister through them since January 16, 2008. They are not a religious organization. They were just pushing for the gay marriage thing that was supposed to happen. You can even do Wicken weddings. Not much Christianity in that.
I would assume that someone submitted your statistics to them and they ordained you into the organization. It's totally free. The bright side is that you can now perform weddings if you have the certificate. I've heard of people who have submitted their pets for this also.
In high school I was ordained by them. I applied through an ad in the back of Rolling Stone magazine. I used it to get out of school on fridays for almost a month. The assistant principle was out having surgery, and the new principle was a tard.
I offered to perform weddings for classmates .if I got to spend the first night with the new bride. I performed no weddings but almost got my ass kicked.
My advice have fun with it! You get to make up your own religious beliefs. Sacrifice a few virgins or something!
Many years ago I joined the UL church. I used it to reduce my income taxes for several years. It's not a christian church, they’ll ordain anyone. In fact, for a slightly larger fee they’ll make you a Saint! That said, the email might be a phishing attempt to get you to respond with more personal information.
Maybe someone had you ordained as a joke and never told you. They'll ordain anybody for $65 (unless the price went up).
I hate to break it to you, but you're also a Pope of the Discordian movement. They decided to one-up Kirby Hensley back in the '60s and just declare everybody Pope. Every man, woman & child on the planet. [en.wikipedia.org]