30 3

My daughter,12, asked if she could go to church with a friend who invited her tomorrow. My daughter is athiest. She said her friends is fun and nice. I said yes. But I am uncomfortable with her hanging out with people that believe in " magic."

By Summer725
Actions Follow Post Like

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

30 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

7

You should celebrate this event! This is when your daughter starts learning that everyone is not raised the same way as she is! Regardless of her beliefs (or yours pressed into her) she needs to have exposure to it. Are you afraid she may come home believing in god?

I remember going to Sunday school as a kid not much younger than your daughter. My parents were both Unitarian. When I complained about the classes and stuff they did and said... My folks both said... "Fine! You don't have to go anymore!"

WTF? It was THAT easy? They explained they wanted me to be exposed to everything and then let me make the decisions... With regard to my beliefs. I remember struggling with what to believe in my mid-teens. Most everyone I knew believed in god. The older I got, the more I doubted the existence. When I started reading about ancient Roman history... I then realized how christianity started.

You shouldn't tell your daughter what to think and you shouldn't be uncomfortable. It is best that she know the differences now so she can more easily deal with her own future possible uncomfortable situations when they arise.

RiverRick Level 7 Apr 14, 2019
5

Good conversations will grow from this. In particular, there is a warm sense of community at most churches that is very seductive....be sure to point out ways to achieve that fee,ing without religion!

5

The best way to ensure that your daughter is able to make up her own mind about what she believes is to allow her to experience many things,which may be confronting to you. Make sure she knows what you believe in ( or not) and why, then talk to her about what she sees and hears with her friend.

4

You can tell your daughter what and why you believe what you believe in. She has to make her own choices. If you forbid something you add a tabo quality to it that makes it more desirable. You can not force people to believe anything. You daughter will make up her own mind. If her thought process is not challenged at one point or another, she will really not know what her true beliefs are.

4

Getting a few hours alone on a Sunday morning is worth it

Nice to know that someone can be relied on to always put their own self interest first. LOL

@Fernapple yeah - that’s a pretty funny response!

4

It’s important that we let them decide for themselves. My 12 year old considers himself an atheist and my 15 year old more agnostic. They go to church all the time with friends and with my ex. It doesn’t bother me a bit.
They have fun with their friends and that’s what they get out of it, nothing from the message.

4

In a sense we all do - can you repair or build all of the gadgets you use? Then it's magic. Religion is just a way of explaining the world that most of us no longer see in those terms. I'm pretty sure an atheist child is well immunized. Depending on where you live, your child will need skills and familiarity to cope with the magic-believers if she's going to hold a job etc.

Allamanda Level 7 Apr 14, 2019

Wtf?

@Allikat what don't you understand? If religion is magic, which I'd agree with, then they are both attempts to explain the world. People suddenly confronted with say an aeroplane, who've never seen any technology, tend to assume it's magic, right? So a child who is an atheist, will most likely find all 'magic' equal, ie. there isn't any, it's all explicable through science etc.

4

I’d use it as a learning experience. Tell her to listen to how crazy it sounds and it may actually reinforce her atheism

Matty315 Level 4 Apr 14, 2019
3

I have twin daughters, they were invited by their best friend to go to church, when they were around 12 y.o. They came home laughing and shaking their heads, I ask them what was up, they said that they couldn't believe that people actually believe those lies.

Woodron Level 7 Apr 14, 2019

Mine too. Old enough to see the ridiculousness of the whole outfit.

3

Let her learn and grow as a human. Sitting through a church service is boring at worst, and shel6l learn some western civ. Stuff at best. Knowing the basics of how religion works is important. Id also recommend some opportunity to see other parts of your community like a mosque, a hewbrew temple, etc...

3

At 12 they should be able to learn the key questions:

How do you know that?

Isn’t that what all religions claim?

How do you know - really know - you’re right and the Muslims are wrong?

Etc

These are good questions. But I wouldn't advise my kid to ask them at a religious service she was invited to by a friend. Be respectful. Ask those questions privately.

@OHJim yes absolutely. If you air those in public you’re going to get a reaction. But if they have them in mind I found they inoculate the kids from nonsense. My kids used to occasionally end up in church services through school etc and they were well prepared to evaluate the claims they heard...

@OwlInASack mine were never in a church and politely refused their Catholic grandmother's invitations from age 4 to 9 or so, after which she didn't try again. We did take them to several 'cultural events' including a harvest festival CofE and a Nativity play on Xmas Eve, in churches. Then suddenly as teenagers they became almost daily companions of a lonely girl in between their ages whose family had gone from regular old Methodist to serious Fundamentalist as result of the suicide of their son. It taught them a lot about tolerance and friendship, and believe helped both families enormously.

@Allamanda yeah mine have one of those grandmothers too tho she’s been quite a lot more persistent. She wrote my daughter a proper ‘come to Jesus’ letter when she turned 18. My 17 year old is shitting himself!

3

If you don't allow her to be friends with believers, she will wonder what she's missing. Let her go. When she gets back you may want to have a debriefing just in case she has questions, but don't press her.

kiramea Level 7 Apr 14, 2019
3

I wouldn't worry about it... In fact, I'd go with her... Just because...

3

I think it's really not serious.we visit zoo that doesn't mean we settle there...lol

William77 Level 7 Apr 14, 2019
2

Most of the Women I Enjoyed Sex with... were/are Believers of Magic. They are not going away. I attended church and church functions while being atheist... your daughter is not going to catch fire if in the shadow of a church. You must Understand that Friendship is Stronger than god and religion. She must learn that too... the early age... the better Human being she will be. A Tolerant, Caring, Experienced Child... with Friends.

2

This happened to my daughter too. The little christian girl courted her as a friend , invited her to parties and stuff, then when she couldnt convert my daughter to her fundamentalist faith, dropped my girl like garbage. She was hurt, and at 10 its hard to be used like that.

Posy Level 2 Apr 15, 2019

My daughter told me that the girl received points from the church for bringing a friend.

2

I understand your fear. My ex-wife, who is also an atheist took our son to church for a number of years, had him baptized. As he got older, he began to realize the folly of church and religion. He turned away from the concept of religion at about the age of 12. Exposing children is a way for the child to find his / her own path.

xyz123 Level 7 Apr 14, 2019
2

it sucks but there is really nothing you can do. My daughter is referred to as ‘the Satan worshipper’ in her school, constantly bullied, and mocked because of her belief
Several kids have been suspended due to making fun of her.
Her response is to wear more pentagrams
Lol

darthfaja Level 7 Apr 14, 2019

My daughter was told daily in elementary school she was going to hell and so was her Atheist mom! She never flinched!! ❤️

I told my daughter not to tell people at school that she is atheist.

@rcc0780 it always came to light when we did not celebrate zombie jesus, or xmas. We never volunteered the information. She still, like me never offers the info, but she holds nothing back if confronted. If that causes a rift, then those ppl were not friends she would want anyway.

2

Encourage her to go to as many churches and temples as you can, then ask her to evaluate them. The first time you go to a magic act you may think it is wonderful and amazing, but if you go to five or six and then honestly ask which one is best....

Fernapple Level 7 Apr 14, 2019
1

All of my kids have done that. They also found it rather boring. They loved free donuts and drinks though. It didn't change their mindset at all. As a matter of fact, I am pretty sure it drove them to be more steadfast in their atheism.

LilaQ Level 2 Apr 20, 2019
1

Twelve is pretty young, and your daughter is at an impressionable age. I’m sure that her friends’ parents will be there, too.

If I were in your particular situation, I would not deny her from going, but would instead ask her if she wouldn’t mind if I’d accompanied her. In this way, you can both discuss and question the entire church experience afterward.

If her friend and her parents are evangelical, that may be uncomfortable for you; but, if you're really knowledgeable about the fallacies of their faith and are prepared to defend your atheism with cohesive arguments, in the end they may be more regretful that you for having tried to ply your daughter with their religious fantasies.

1

LOL...Sigfreid & Roy....LOL....

1

My daughter is 17. I do not allow her (she does NOT want to either) to shoot up heroin, cut herself, or walk thru church doors. All are the same level of self hatred! Why would I want her near people that thrive on hating their neighbors bc a book, bush, man in the sky "speaks to them." F that nonsense.

Well - not sure where you live or what churches you’ve got but the Christians around me don’t hate their neighbours...they’re largely pretty empathetic humans with a god problem. But they’re kind enough

@OwlInASack good for you! We apparently are not meeting the same kinda xtains where we live! Ive never met the xtains you speak of....

@Nightshade1313 ok - yes: checked your profile. You’re American... we have our believers somewhat more in check on our side of the water.

1

Prejudice is never good. Especially in those who opinions and beliefs differ than yours.
With obvious everyone of course. Especially something as dumb as 'believing in magic"

Biptu Level 5 Apr 14, 2019
1

If she likes it, then what?

Croebheir Level 6 Apr 14, 2019

That's up to her.

Write Comment
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content read full disclaimer
  • Agnostic.com is the largest non-profit community for atheists, agnostics, humanists, freethinkers, skeptics and others happy without religion!