I have been going through a very stressful period and it looks like it will continue at least for another 2 months. I have a person in my life that manages to push all my buttons. And this person is family, so I'm stuck. Lately, I have felt oppressed, depressed, and suicidal. I'm a 2x cancer survivor and always tell myself that I didn't beat cancer to just fall on my sword now and for no real reason. But today I nearly broke down in a crowd due to the overwhelming crushing of my soul by this person. This person is miserable and makes everyone around her miserable. I know I'm not responsible for her happiness, but I feel like she spews hate at me and I'm covered in her muck. I'm probably not articulating this very well. It is hard to identify these feelings. I'm overwhelmed, sad, anxious and not good company. All of which are not my usual self. And I'm resentful that i let this person control me like this. I'm struggling to deal with this. I needed to get this off my chest. Don't let anyone steal your joy and happiness.
"The Dance of Anger- A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships" by Dr. Harriet Lerner changed my life.
Dr. Lerner explains The Drama Triangle by psychologist Stephen Karpman:
The Persecutor: criticizing, controlling and blaming. "It's all your fault."
The Rescuer: thinking and feeling for others. "Let me help you."
The Victim: "Poor me." The victim feels powerless and helpless. Nothing changes.
I learned new moves in relationships, including setting boundaries with people.
I feel for you. In what way are you stuck with having to deal with that person? Can you not make it clear to that person how intolerable her behavior is? can you not make it clear that you simply will not accept that behavior?
Twice in my life I had to confront a person about such behavior. In both cases, I gave the person the choice of changing her behavior or leaving her relationship with me. That solved the problem in both cases. The first resulted in a divorce which ended thirty years of conflict and pain. The second resulted in a real change in behavior in my eldest daughter.
Many years ago I found out that relatives can be toxic to you. They lie and they often want to move in on you and mooch off you. I've had it happen. Today is different. I forbid it at all costs and I do not loan money. I do not take anybody in even for short times. Not so long ago local relatives were coming to see me and one said it took them a while to find my place. I'm in plain sight but jokingly told them I try to keep it hidden.
There is no law that says you must like or be around your relatives. The more you are around them the more likely one of them will want to impose themselves upon you. Loaned money never gets paid back and I've had a 2 week stay turn into 7 months before. That was years ago. Today I live alone.
Just because you are related to someone, does Not mean you must like them or even be around them! Ever! If they are toxic to you, that overrides any "ties" people tell you exist. Just tell them to Go Away,or absent yourself from them. Live in your car if you cannot get away any other way!!!
Some people have the ability to suck the life out of you. It really sux that you feel trapped in this situation. I agree with @Marionville that you should take care of you and get this person away from you, whether they are family or not. They are another type of cancer and you need to get rid of it and not let it beat you. I feel for you. I've been there for a little while (that felt like forever).
My heart goes out to you, this is a terrible situation which you find yourself in. My first thoughts are you must immediately remove yourself from this person’s pernicious influence, regardless of whether she is family or not. Your first duty is to yourself and your own well-being, and this person is quite obviously bad for your health, both mental and physical. You owe it to yourself to be safe and out of the harmful and poisonous sphere of influence this other person, although you say it will most likely last for another two months, you cannot possibly allow that to be the case. I don’t know the details, obviously, but you must try to do all you can to remove yourself from whatever situation you are in, involving this other woman. Please try to speak to your doctor if you continue to have such dark thoughts, I know you are a survivor, you have dealt with cancer twice, and you absolutely cannot allow this person to demoralise you, regardless of who she is or what her motives are. Be strong...I send you my thoughts and hugs from afar.