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Shawn and I have been getting along for a few weeks now, but today, we were going to go to a local bar and restaurant we can walk to. He was drinking when I got home from work and he had'nt eaten much, so he was drunk. I asked him if he would have something non-alcoholic if we went and he blew up at me. I went into the kitchen to get something to eat, because I said I would not go there with him if he was going to drink more alcohol. He followed me into the kitchen and proceded to punch and slap me and knocked me down. I am now upstairs with my cats, with a lump on my forehead and another on the side of my head. I have work again tomorrow in the AM and will be spending the night on the floor, with my cats !

joantheloon 6 May 11
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13 comments

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Get your self together & get out. Call friends, relatives, eat crow if you have to but get out. See if your employer has an employee assistance program. Grab all the funds you can, keep them separate & away from him, & get out. It will only get worse (I have the crooked smile from nerve damage, s broken jaw from a steel toed boot, to prove it).

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Hopefully you can leave the cats there while you get yourself healed up and start making a plan. Also, regardless of if you stay or go, I've heard excellent reviews of AlAon (support groups for family friends loved ones of alcohol abusers) and NAMI ( classes for family friends loved ones of persons struggling with mental illness). A outside perspective on the patterns and ruts we all get stuck in, can be life changing. Do you need contact info? What county are you in?

United States, and rural Pennslvania

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Get out. Take your cats and sleep on someone else's floor. If you're in New Mexico you can sleep on mine through Friday night (we're moving Saturday). If youre in Washington state you can sleep on it starting Monday the 20th, when we get there.

Get in touch with a woman's shelter and get the fuck out, no matter where you live..

1of5 Level 8 May 12, 2019

I live in Pennsilvania

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Been there, done that, burnt the t-shirt. Get out as soon as you can.

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The only interaction you should have with Shawn is via the legal and law enforcement system.
Don't be an idiot. If necessary find a women's refuge now!

Where are you living?

1

They always apologize or worse "don't remember" the actions the same as you and tell you you're crazy. He knows he was drinking and shouldn't drink more, but didn't want to face that reality, and resented you bringing that truth to light. In his heart he knows you are right, but is too in love with his drinking to honor your good intentions.

Get out of his hold as soon as you are able to safely and securely. That means making it on your own, without him. Cut him out of your life completely.

He needs to know there are consequences for his actions - and only when he realizes what he is losing will he possibly get help for his problem. Don't enable him by making him learn he can get away with what he is doing to you, with no consequences.

Though you are right, it's still not her responsibility to "help him see xyz, consequences...". Ultimately she needs to look out for #1, and if he gets his act together, that's all him. And if he doesn't, that's all him too. She should not even consider how this affects him. This is about her safety, and he's a threat.

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Sorry you are going through that Joan. I'd be planning to leave if I were you. Just ghost him. Find a new job in a new town, sell stuff, save some money to last about 6 months, and then dissapear on him. Tell your family to cut off communication with him. And make some good friends whereever you go. Heck, you got a few right here online!

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Sorry to hear that, but you have to get out of the situation some way.

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Sorry for you, I just hope you have decided to leave that monster for good while you were writting, not without the proper visit to the police!

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Holy crap I’m so sorry. Please get out, ASAP. Tomorrow he will apologize and promise it will never happen again. Don’t believe him. Get help, get support, most importantly GET OUT.

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The group is right. Staying with an abusive alcoholic is never the best solution. I hope you can find housing beyond a women's shelter, but for now that is where to go for help and safety in the meantime. The cats may be something you have to lose to save yourself, but hopefully they can go to a shelter if you call animal control about them should you not have friends who can take them for you.

Whether he was drinking or not, on a full stomach or not, don't make excuses for him. Physical abuse is never acceptable. I grew up in a home that had that on a regular basis and I wish my mother had left him, but she didn't. These are different times where women have more options.

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Call cops get him out fast he has a major problem with alcohol dangerous

bobwjr Level 10 May 11, 2019

I live with him, this is his house

@joantheloon let him sober up find another place to stay he will apologize but chances are will happen again

2

You need to report this asap and leave. Things will only get worse.

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