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I just found out that my daughters step-niece Madeline who is 14, tried to commit suicide by taking a handful of pills. I've met the girl; she's sweet, but a little different from other girls her age. She's not popular, wears braces and a little odd acting for lack of a better description. I'm describing her because we also found out that she's been bullied at school. I know how cruel kids that age can be. I witnessed it when I was in school. It amazes me, that I just took it in stride back then, and never tried to help the "different" kids who were being bullied. It breaks my heart for this little girl. I always felt different when I was a teen too. I was never bullied, because I was physically strong, and wouldn't have taken it. I had a boss one time who was a bully, and at the time I couldnt afford to lose my job, so I took it. It was unbearable at times. He was a little man, and it made him feel big to bully people. It was his hobby. He did it to everyone. I remember how much I dreaded going in to work every day, and how the days seemed endless. I hated my life while I was at work. Right now I'm thinking about how Madeline must feel having to go to school every day, facing her bullies, knowing if she cries it will get worse. I can imagine when you're 14, it might seem like there's no way out. Her father killed himself a few years ago, and her mother ran off and left her with her grandfather, who's married to my ex-wife. I don't have a real point to this post, other than to get it off my chest a little.

Eazyduzzit 7 Mar 9
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18 comments

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0

My wife committed suicide several years ago. At the support group I joined, I learned that bullying between girls on social networks is all too common. Glad to hear she's getting help. My wife's daughter is facing many of the same issues; her family has cut me off so I have no idea how she's doing.

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I would hope that someone could get her some help, either through the school or outside it. A group situation would be really good and frequently works well for teens because they really need peer support, especially if they feel "odd" or "unusual". You may not treat her that way, but she knows she is, and if her father committed suicide, you can be sure that if if it devastated her and she says she wouldn't try again, you know she's still thinking about him. I lost my father from cancer at age 10 and that was hard enough. Please try to see if you can talk to your ex or her husband to ger her some kind of help, although I know that "ex" relationships can be kind of tricky, to say the least.

They are getting her help. This was the first indication they got that she felt that way. She is currently at a treatment facility. My daughter talked to her last night and said she sounded pretty good.

@Eazyduzzit Wonderful! I'm so glad!

Hi! I agree with everything in your post. I just wanted to add my thoughts on the end where you said that “ex” relationships can be kind of tricky. & they can be. But I think for the sake of the child that they (& any co parenting situation where the ex’s have joint custody or things like that, not just this couple specifically) should get over themselves. Child comes first. My parents are divorced. Mom remarried a man who was also divorced. My mom & step dad both NEVER talked smack on their exes. Because they had kids with them and they wanted it to be civil. & trust me. There are some things they could talk smack about, they just don’t. At least not to the kids. It’s beautiful. So no matter what kind of “ex” relationship you have, I think most relationships you should focus on the children. Cause if you had children with said person & you either don’t have sole custody or you give your ex visitation rights, you’re gonna see them a lot. My sister on the other hand, she’s divorced and re married as well. And she talks shit on her ex all the time in front of my niece. & it doesn’t make anyone look bad except for my sister. Sorry for the rant🙂.

2

It sounds as if someone stacked the deck against her early on, and now she’s trying to figure out how to cope with what’s beyond her control. And based on your brief biography, she’s got some serious setbacks from the “nurture” part of her upbringing.

I think that getting her into martial arts classes could be great for her. Here she can learn how to take on her own empowerment, make some friends, and find ways to deal with bullies that are creative as well as physical.

I also feel that it’s imperative that she spend some quality time with someone who can listen to her, recognize her feelings, and knows how to help her process them. That might also require some modern medications, but these things will give her a fighting chance.

And most importantly, she needs to be “heard.” Everyone around her has advice, or something to say about her life. Others are pushing her to talk when she doesn’t want to... or doesn’t know what to say. Others just aren’t interested. She needs someone she trusts, who will hear her even when she doesn’t want to talk. Someone who’s comfortable just sitting in silence if that’s what she needs. Someone who’s tuned in to her...

0

just over half of humans get the happy gene . combine that with a trauma or a mental health issue and unfortunately anything can happen

1

Just get her to Shotokan Karate. She won't want to kill herself in the middle of a sesion. Not when she realises how much she has got mates - and how much they can help her with bullies if push comes to shove.

2

Very sad, scary stuff! My oldest child is a depressive. It started in middle school and she still has to treat for it. I hope her guardians are considering multiple avenues for help. Suicide drive can be terrifying.

Zster Level 8 Mar 10, 2018
4

I was bullied as a child. One day I turned around and punched him in the face. He cried. He fucking cried. Only time I ever felt sorry for a bully.

4

Bullying seems to be amplified by social media these days. Now it's not just at school. It follows them home. It's ever present on their cellphones and computers. It must feel inescapable for her. If you have a chance to talk with her, please remind her that high school is a very short period in our lives and there is a whole big wide world out there after graduation that is hers for the taking. It's full of people who will "get" her and beautiful things that will captivate her and are worth living to see. At least that's what I wish someone had told me when I was that age. High school was torture for me, so I can relate.

2

I've been at that suicidal point in my life before. It's not easy.

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That is so heartbreaking:/. My little brother is 12 & he’s had some of those situations at his school. Luckily his school took it very seriously and the bully was expelled. But he was telling my little brother that he should just kill himself because he doesn’t have any real friends. Which broke my heart:/. So I feel your pain on that one. At least a little bit. I hope she starts feeling better soon.

5

Ugh. Breaks my heart. I was a victim of merciless bullying for 4 years. I wish I could reach out to these girls to hug them and tell them it will get better.

2

Oh, dear child. Keep your head in those books and make those grades and leave these fools to miss your shadow.

4

I'm sorry, I hope she gets the help she needs. 😟 Having 14 year old kids of my own, I can tell you that it both breaks my heart and scares the shit out of me at the same time. I think a lot of it is the social media component. Kids (and adults, really) say things they would never say in person because they can hide behind a mask of anonymity online...and as a kid, it's just impossible to get away from it. You can't just leave it at schoolat the end of the day and on weekends and have a safe haven at home. Social media penetrates their safe spaces as well. :-/

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I was bullied my whole life. Still am. It sucks. My heart hurts for her. It gets much better once you're done with school. That's all I've got.

Me too. I've never been able to figure out why I am such a magnet for it. I really don't bother people, doing my own thing most of the time. You have my sympathy.

2

That sux, poor kid.

2

Very sad

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I hope she gets the help she needs.

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Gracious! I don't suppose there's any way to intervene with the school?

In the US, it seems to depend on the area of the country and even the school district. Some take it very seriously and others just have the attitude that kids have to toughen up to it. Many school administrators don't realize that social media has change the cultural climate of being a teenager quite a bit in the last twenty years. It's much easier to say things to people over the phone in a text or on Facebook or twitter or snap-chat or Instagram or the latest media hot-spot is than saying it to someone's face ever used to be. We still do have lots of sweet kids, though, they just seem to be drowned out by the sound of the bullies - very sad.

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