You should talk to a therapist about this instead of us. Check your health insurance, it may be covered.

I went into some complicated relationships with some single moms, a bit similar to what you're going through now. Some single moms might be OK.
But with the ones I met, I found it really hard to deal with the hesitation, the delay, the smoke screening. Not as much as with the mom's kids as with the families. You may try to be understanding as much as you can, but it feels like you're stepping on someone else's toes in every step you make.
I found this real tough in the long run. I though I could stand the punches, but then came that one too many blow that sent me down on the floor. I was physically and emotionally down and out. Lost my relationship, lost my job, went into a depression. I was fortunate to have the help of my family and got some serious professional help.
I'm now back on my feet, new job, new girlfriend (with no kids) new life, new town. And it's strange but, the deeper I get in the atheism thinking, the less I believe in any form of afterlife, the more value I give to my own life and the further I get from the idea of comiting suicide.
I went down and I got myself some help to get back up. I hope you do the same.

I'm picturing Cher yelling at Nick Cage in the movie Moonstruck.

(SLAP)
SNAP OUT OF IT!

No woman is worth what you are describing. You need to leave there. Now. I think 50 of us agree on this.

This relationship is toxic, you feel lonely, hurt,and suicidal, and your "partner" does not. the equation is not equal. A loving relationship should be open, honest, and you should feel loved and respected, you do not deserve anything less. I do not know this other person, so i cannot comment on her motives or rationale. But please hear me when I say this...... You will get what you tolerate, you have to love yourself enough to not be in constant turmoil and pain. Being alone for awhile can help you discover who you really are and what you really want out of life and a relationship. All lives have value, and sometimes when the depression is dark it is hard to see the good life has to offer { i know, i have been there). I saw another comment that said run fast and far away, i totally agree, make a clean, but solid break and do not look back. In my opinion your are being used to fill a void, whether it be emotionally or physically, perhaps even financially........ you deserve real reciprical love.

To be fair I knew there would be problems going into this relationship but we got on so well together I felt it was worth it. I thought I was man enough to deal with anything but what I never anticipated was firstly how deeply I fell in love with her and secondly how much not seeing her for long periods of time would affect me. I really don't want to be alone and it's so hard trying to be happy in my situation.

Theres plenty of advice here and I am grateful. Thank you everyone.

Going forward I still aint sure what to do. I don't even know how to get access to a therapist. But I guess I'll try. I will not be killing myself but I am in a very dark place and how I miss the sunshine.

Please seek a counselor. No one is more important than you. Before you do anything you should speak to a professional.

I commented before, but I wanted to add something. There's nothing wrong with caring for someone and wanting to be with them. It sounds like she's playing you. It might be intentional or it might just be her not knowing what to do in this situation. Almost all of us have been there. Almost all of us have been played by someone before. It's never worth taking your life. Trust me, when you give it some time away from the relationship then you will be able to see things much clearer and for what it is. You might even realize you weren't thinking clearly or that it wasn't right for you from the start. You have to do what's best for your mental well being. I've been there. I've cared very deeply. If you have family or friends you can talk to for some real in person support then do it. It helps. You need to be able to walk away from this and enjoy other parts of your life, no matter how mundane you might think it is. The sun does shine again. It just takes time.

While I've read the vast majority of the responses here , definitely feel the woman is at fault , I recall when I was recently separated from my husband Men live by different rules . They feel it's perfectly alright for them to have sex , but if their estranged wife does , then they feel she should loose custody of her children . I waited until my children told me he had taken them to his girlfriend's for the night , because his air conditioning wasn't working , and my oldest was very uncomfortable because he was wearing only his boxer shorts , (with a wide gap in the center front ), before I was comfortable enough to have sex , and even then I wouldn't let him stay the entire night . Ex's don't always play fair .

I think you know this whole situation is unhealthy. Real love doesn't demand that you spend time with the person but that you do what best for them. Get the support you need to stay alive and let go of this woman. If she's making you feel like this, the relationship is toxic. Let go and learn to love yourself. Then relationships won't hurt you so badly.

Seek medical help immediately

Be patient. I fell in love with my wife when I lived a long distance away and couldn't see her regularly. It took us 4 years before we could be together.

Nardi, if you haven't gotten more commitment from her in 3 years, I think she is not as ready as you. That she has kept you hidden from her family is not a good sign. I don't pretend to know her problems or reasons, but you deserve more than that. It is alarming that you would consider ending your life. Please don't do that! Her treatment of you doesn't have anything to do with your self worth or your ability to have a love relationship. You can have that, but not with her. Maybe it would help calm you to have a talk with a clinical psychologist, who could get you to believe in yourself and in your inner power to find love in another relationship. If you try that, you may be happily surprised that someone much more fun and exciting will wish to have a relationship with you. Please believe in yourself, and don't think it is your fault merely because the relationship hasn't worked. We all have heartbreak, which challenges us to heal ourselves. Nardi, you can and should ask for help in healing yourself. Professionals have much knowledge about the process of healing emotional trauma, which may help heal you quicker.

I hate to be harsh but the lesson really is simple. Stop being a pussy. I cannot tell you the amount of times I messed up with women be because I was weak and pathetic. Maybe I'm wrong but if your friends advice didn't work then maybe you need a different track.

Being insecure reinforces insecuritity in others. Not an absolute, psychology rarely is but in romantic relationships its a good rule of thumb.

You need counseling. Both of you. If she'll agree to it, there's hope. If she won't, it's time to cut her loose. You've devoted 3 years to this woman. If she can't introduce you as her partner to her family, then there's something seriously wrong with her.

You ate being treated as less than important, and have been for quite awhile. Thus the depression. I urge you to seek immediate counseling, and address why you feel it is okay for this woman to treat you like a dirty secret.
Not the way to live, not the right partner for you....a Partner is supposed to be your biggest cheerleader & booster!
And BTW, you CAN get over her, just as an alcoholic or drug addict can stop self-destructive behavior!

Please feel the difficulties of her, which may not be fraudulant.

Dead end beware

If it was possible to die of a broken heart, I would have been gone long ago! And there were several times that my actions were not designed to get me to old age, but thankfully I survived them. Age and a long period of being alone have taught me I can survive alone. I still have strong feelings for my last ex-wife and we are platonic friends. I continue in my heart to think it could be more, but know in my head he’ll would freeze over first. But since I can’t seem to even get a dinner date at this point, having a friend to watch my dog or an occasional meal with is at least something. I love her son, he was a big part of our being together in the first place. So it is easier to stay in his life if his mom and I are friends. And she is so miserable no one else can put up with her for very long, so I am pretty much her only support system. Hang in there, it sounds like she is working things out. Some people need to wade into the pool slowly. Enjoy the time you spend together, continue to show respect for her needs, and never despair. If you wait, life has a way of working things out.

Get help

My ex and I knew a couple who were actually married twice. Her kids from a previous marriage did not like him so everything was back and forth. Today they are divorced and she is married to someone else. I ignore her and I'm not sure what her kids think about this new guy.

I broke up with a gal cause she would constantly bring up her ex. One day I told her to fuck him and leave me alone.