{{{originally posted on}}}
6-6-06 (Seriously folks, if you love your faith, Don’t Read This!!!)
Well, I guess today's the right day to tell you about this one...
As some of you might know, I'm a non-believer. Yeah, I know, SHOCKING!!! However, just because I'm right A LOT, doesn't mean I'm right all the time, so I have a theory for each direction:
My "If God Doesn't Exist" Theory: One day, before they had a chance to "seal the deal" Joe found out Mary was with child. Quite pissed that his bride was pregnant even though he had never come to "know" her, Joe began beating Mary within an inch of her life in the attempt of learning the identity of the father. Mary, torn by fear & pain, not wanting herself or her lover to be killed in retaliation for their sin, cried, "God did it!"
....and so a religion was born.
My "God Does Exist" Theory: Have you all seen F.F.Coppola's version of Bram Stoker's "Dracula"? Vlad becomes a vampire simply by cursing God hard enough. What if, during Jesus' "Father, why hast thou art forsaken me..." breakdown, Jesus cursed hard enough TOO? They buried him in his tomb, but like a vampire, he rose again. Only problem though, he didn't quite know what he was. From what I've gathered from one of the Bible's many rewrites, Jesus rose from the grave, showed his followers his wounds, & shortly thereafter, "Ascended to Heaven in a brilliant flash of light." Yeah, more like "Burst into flames as the morning sun rose from the east!" Savior, or worlds first, slowest & stupidest vampire??
You decide.
—-
FUN SIDENOTE:
During my day to day musings, I'm often called the "Anti-Christ" & for a while that label didn't bother me. Hell, at work, I'm often called "El Diablo Loco Blanco". My first theory makes me wonder however, whether Mary was the first to use the "God did it!" excuse. What if another tried it, but was subsequently beaten too severely for her indiscretion & miscarried? Now, in the face of this theory, when called the Anti-Christ, I say, "I'm not the Anti-Christ, I'm the second coming of the first immaculate conception & was written right out of the Bible."
God Damn It.
3
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
7 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.
so your approach is to shock people? now are you a "look at me look at me" shocker or a "I don't deserve love run away from me" shocker? after you figure that out and you're not trying to impress us with your badness then make sure to come back and tell me what's up!?!
JeffMesser
Level 8
July 15, 2019
0
I love the theorising and balance within this post
Mcflewster
Level 8
July 15, 2019
1
Written in the true spirit of agnosticism!
@DHellstorm My daughter was born on 6/6/15. I said, good thing it's not 2006. Her dad replied, 1 plus 5 makes 6. Good thing I was agnostic by then.
I didn't know that Francis Ford Coppola did a version of Dracula. Now I've got to get a copy.
BitFlipper
Level 8
July 14, 2019
0
There is at least 4 different stories in the bible of what was found 4 different versions of what was found. Then 4 different versions on how long he walked the earth before the recall happened. So there you have it in one book 8 different versions of one event written almost 100 years after the fact. Also the devil and hell was made up latter. So it is a book of fiction with no real facts to prove any of it is true.
benhmiller
Level 7
July 14, 2019
0
Don't quit your day job.
Storm1752
Level 8
July 14, 2019
1
I finally got to in 2018, by retiring.....
@DHellstorm Oh, so if I think your post was silly and dumb (though light-hearted and a valiant yet failed attempt at humour--in my opinion and my opinion only) I'm a TROLL?
Paranoid much?
In the words of the bard, Bob Dylan, in "Positively 4th St.." " You have no faith to lose, and you know it".
TomMcGiverin
Level 8
July 14, 2019
1
I thought that line was from "Positively 4th Street".
@KKGator Yup, you're right. I am getting old.....
@TomMcGiverin We ALL are, honey. We all are.
@KKGator Esp. Bob. He can't even remember the words or chords by heart anymore to some of the songs he wrote......
@TomMcGiverin Given that he's pushing 80, I'm not surprised.
@KKGator If I live to be 80, which I am beginning to doubt (you and I are about the same age, BTW), I'll be happy if I can find my keys and remember who I am and what day it is. But, then again, compared to Bob, I've consumed only a tiny fraction of the weed and booze, not to mention other drugs I never touched, that he has. So there's that to encourage me....
I've been telling my fellow hipster friend my age that my guess is the next superstars to die from the 60s will be Bob and Joni Mitchell, followed sometime after that by Patti Smith, Bob's friend who sang in his place at the Nobel Prize ceremony.
@TomMcGiverin Bob was my hero. I'll always treasure his memory. But let's face it---he's done.
@Storm1752 Thanks for the honesty. Frankly, he's been done and should have retired from performing back in the early 90s. But it's his life and his career, so, as long as people will buy tickets and show up, he clearly plans to continue until he either dies onstage or gets so ill he has to quit.
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
Share this post
Categories
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.