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36 THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIES

  1. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

  2. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

  3. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of year.

  4. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her.

  5. The Chief of Police will almost always suspend his star detective -- or give him 48 hours to finish the job.

  6. All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.

  7. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone to talk you down.

  8. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place -- no one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

  9. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their polar opposite.

  10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

  11. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off.

  12. If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition, even if you haven't been carrying any before now.

  13. You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

  14. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language -- a German accent will do.

  15. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his/her forthcoming art exhibition.

  16. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

  17. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill -- just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

  18. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

  19. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

  20. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.

  21. Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

  22. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

  23. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of Dodger Stadium.

  24. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

  25. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

  26. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

  27. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. Plus, you can drive for at least 10 seconds without looking where you are going.

  28. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

  29. A detective can only solve a case once he/she has been suspended from duty.

  30. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts -- your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their
    predecessors.

  31. When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

  32. No one ever involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

  33. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment that it is aired. And you turn the TV off immediately to continue dialogue.

  34. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

  35. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds -- unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

  36. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off -- even while scuba diving.

And a couple I've noticed myself that are missing from the list:

  1. In every shower scene the only part of her body a woman washes is her arms, while a man is secretly lurking and lusting after her perfectly proportioned and backlit silhouette outlined in the shower door

38} Any computer password can be figured out after one or two unsuccessful attempts.

#children #disaster #Police #alien #hello #cars #guns
TheoryNumber3 8 July 14
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21 comments

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6

Level 9

The car keys are always in the sun visor.
When people have a conversation, their faces are six inches apart.
Forty year old cops in dress shoes can run down twenty year old perps in tennis shoes on foot.
Men with machine guns can't hit a fucking thing other than lamps and furniture, but the hero can kill six people with six shots with a hand gun in the same scene.
You can hit a man in the balls and he gets right back up to finish the fight.
Everyone seems to know how to hot wire an automobile.
Cops can open a locked solid core door with their shoulder.
There are never cops around when two non cops are chasing each other through town at 90 miles an hour in a high speed car chase. Actually that one might be true. 🙂

4

Level 8

41 When a car mounts the pavement (sidewalk) all the pedestrians will miraculously get out of the way with the exception of the fruit stall, which gets hit so often he has a carpenter on speed-dial

4

Level 6

All criminal investigators have access to cutting-edge machines that analyze dna, fingerprints, and facial recognition in minutes. Plus the women all wear tight designer clothes and expensive high heels to blood soaked crime scenes.

3

Level 8
  1. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

It will always start on the first pull.

Unless you're being chased by a serial killer with another chainsaw. In that case, yours won't start even if it was running fine the previous scene 😂😂😂

@IamNobody Club them with a chainsaw that won't start?

Nobody -- and I mean, nobody -- walks around with a chain saw just because it's the fashionable thing to do. The small ones weigh as much as a bowling ball. Normally, they're covered in oil and sawdust because making them pretty between use doesn't make a lot of sense.

They are fickle beasts to start and generally are stored in a case with a bar guard.

@IamNobody even if it was running fine the previous scene

Once it's running and the engine block is hot, they're easier to re-start. Once the engine block has cooled off, be prepared to listen to the song of thumpa- thumpa- thumpa- thumpa- thumpa- thumpa- thumpa (pause, pant) thumpa- thumpa- thumpa- thumpa- thumpa- thumpa. Repeat.

@WonderWartHog99 There is a chance that we are talking about different things here. I was just adding satire to a hypothetical non existent in real life situation.

@IamNobody I'm venting about all my adventures with fire wood vs artistic liberty.

@WonderWartHog99 Cool
3

Level 7

Everyone is beautiful, and no one ever has to go to the bathroom.

I got chewed out in a discussion group because I pointed out to the Star Trek fans the ship doesn't have anything resembling toilets and you never see anything (or anyone) cleaning any part of the ship.

You'd thing once in a while they'd vacuum the rug.

@WonderWartHog99 The specs on the Enterprise-D has a bathroom in the back left, just across from the door to the Observation Lounge.
The door to it can be seen here in the "virtual tour". It is labeled "01 Head".
It is at 9:31

@greyeyed123 The door to it can be seen here in the "virtual tour".

The "tour" is not the show.

@WonderWartHog99 This is true. But it was on the official specs! lol I have that book somewhere from years and years ago. Maybe '91 or '92. (Didn't Deanna turn into some kind of creature in her bathtub in the last season?)

@greyeyed123 >it was on the official specs!

Officially ignored by the producers so it could be lampooned by Simpsons. Nobody gives a crap on a star ship.

3

Level 8

People who wake up from a sound sleep get up immediately, with no reverie, sleep in their eyes, slowness of speech, etc. Wide awake and ready to go.

Exactly.

I was thinking about this just a few days ago, and I can remember ONCE waking up refreshed and energetic, and it was at least 30 years ago.
2

Level 8
  1. Hiding behind anything stops bullets, including cardboard boxes.
2

Level 7

Not so much in movies nowadays (although occasionally in the retro movies made today)...

If a person is on the phone, and they seem to have lost a connection, they rapidly tap the disconnect button over and over on the cradle of the phone. That doesn't work, unless you are trying to hang up repeatedly in rapid succession. Although I do remember people in real life doing that years ago, but I think they got it from the movies. It never worked in real life either. (I think it was in "Stranger Things" season 3, but I binged it so I may be misremembering.)

2

Level 9

24 Medieval peasants had perfect teeth, may just be true, since they had no sugar. But they would have been worn down and they would not have had an overbite. PS nor would they have worn high gloss lipstick.

2

Level 8

Some of them plain hillarious

2

Level 8

You can always climb out the top of an elevator and shimmy up or down the cables to get where you need to go, or to hide from the good/bad guys and evesdrop on thier conversations.

1of5 Level 8 July 15, 2019
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2

Level 7

And aren’t we all just the better for that knowledge ROFL 🤪🤪🤪

1

Level 5

These are terrific. Some real beauties here! I can't add much to your list but: terrorists and kidnappers in England only drive white Ford Transit vans.

My late father used to say that every movie includes the line "Let's get out of here!"

Senex Level 5 July 28, 2019
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1

Level 8

With the exception of the Incredibles all superheros are fabulous costume designers who design, make and repair their own uniforms.

I'm a big fan of Edna

I can see why you're a fan 🙂

@TheoryNumber3 No capes!
1

Level 7

All of these - are Spot On. Excellent! Thanks for sharing.

1

Level 8

A couple of "Truth In Television" notes:

  1. The St Patrick's Day parade in The Fugitive wasn't staged, it actually happened to be the day they were filming and they took advantage of it. "Real Life Writes the Script"

  2. Maybe not no pain, but due to adrenalin, the pain response is reduced during an actual fight (as I can tell you, having had both lips split open during the line of duty and not even knowing it at the time; but at the Emergency Room, boy howdy, did they hurt).

And also:

SUPPLEMENTAL RULE 30A) - Conservation of Ninjutsu (Inverse Ninja Law)

In any martial arts fight, there is only a finite amount of ninjutsu available to each side in a given encounter. As a result, one Ninja is a deadly threat, but an army of them are cannon fodder.

Along the lines of that last one, if there are fifty bad guys fighting the good guy, and the good guy dispatches 49 of them, that 50th guy virtually always thinks he will be the one to take the good guy down, lol. There are one or two notable exceptions, but it never fails to make me laugh that you are the last guy in a line of guys that all got clobbered or butchered. You actually think you're going to do better? Give up, man! Go home. Live your life. lol

@greyeyed123 It even worked in Deadpool, where the last guy on the highway (who was shot in the head but it turned out not to penetrate- you just have to see it to believe) pulls out a couple knives to go at the costumed superpowered guy who just finished wiping the pavement with all his cronies and came within an inch of killing him a minute ago... I can only conclude he was a little scrambled from the trauma of his blunt force head wound and not thinking straight.
1

Level 7

I watched 10 minutes of "Summer School" from '87 yesterday. There was a scene where Mark Harmon calls Kirstie Alley from jail, but her boyfriend grabs the phone first. Her boyfriend makes a few jokes about Harmon being in jail, then hangs up the phone.

Alley picks the phone back up and says into it that they will be right there to get him out of jail.

THAT IS NOT HOW TELEPHONES WORK! lol You do not get to "unhang up" a phone just to continue the scene.

1

Level 10

No shit it's Hollywood no connection to real life

bobwjr Level 10 July 15, 2019
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1

Level 8

We should add to this list.....people always speak in crude metaphors except when around desired admired women....then the boys are tongue tied unable to express feelings begging the women for love

0

Level 7

Anyone ever see "The Player"? Such a good film that inverts so many Hollywood cliches in interesting and startling ways. (Not the least of which is that Altman got movie execs to approve a movie skewering movie execs.)

All I see is a black square. Can you repost?

@TheoryNumber3

If this one doesn't work, if you search "the player trailer" on youtube, it's the one with Tim Robbins.

@greyeyed123 Got it that time. That movie looks like fun!! Thanks. I'll have to track it down. It came out in '92? I never heard of it

@TheoryNumber3 It is one of director Robert Altman's best. It was used in a film class I took in college in the mid-'90s. I haven't seen it in years and years, but it is outstanding. Altman was a huge influence on Paul Thomas Anderson, one of my favorite directors.
0

Level 8

Did you develop this list? Very impressive.

No.... I saw it posted somewhere years ago and saved it. However, I did just add a few more to the bottom of the list that I've observed myself

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