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So, I looked at a man’s profile here on the site, to learn a little about him, because of something he wrote on a post here. He has been here a long time and I rarely look at profiles, so don’t know anything about him, but his comment made me curious. Not interested in him, just seeking information. But, in the process I noticed he is interested in meeting women for “friends, dating, long term, hookups”. The last one kind of surprised me, because, were I looking for a relationship, I would never find that attractive. Wouldn’t “long term” and “hookups” be conflicting? Does he want to find both? Is he searching for “hookups” UNTIL he finds someone to “friend, date, and long term”? I just find it odd. What do others think?

MissKathleen 9 Jan 12
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18 comments

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0

"Hookups" is what teenagers nowadays call casual sex. In my day, we called that "making babies in the bushes", or "pup tent".

1

What IS it he wrote in that post which made you curious about him?
Just curious.
No, I don't think the two conflict at all, btw.
Every relationship starts with a first time, either as a "hookup." or after several dates, until she is 'sure.'
Yes, I know, a "hookup" is defined as a one-time encounter, but that encounter could be so breathtakingly great a relationship is born. It happens. A lot.
Likewise, an intended LTR may fizzle out after several dates, ironically--maybe--after the sex finally happens.
So a "hookup" may last for the rest of both their lives.
A LTR may last a few dates. Maybe ONE date.
Nothing is guaranteed.

0

Covering all possible bases......

0

In this day and age, one must cover all the bases to be even remotely successful!!!

0

I wouldn't take it for a fact. I didn't read all the things to select or deselect either.
Don't dump me yet!

1

I can speak to that. I've been looking for a relationship for years and years. In the mean time, I will settle for dating, but that appears to be an unrealistic goal. When you find your goals are unrealistic you have to revise your goals.

I haven't added "open to hookups" to mine yet. I'm still optimistic.

2

Hookups can transform into long term.

1

Mine says hook-ups too. I will drop this when the site gives a FWB option...

0

Maybe he was looking to hook up until he found long term 😉

2

I used to select EVERY option, figuring do it all, they all can't say no..... I was wrong.... I guess... maybe... sort of... when in doubt or indecisive go for the gusto.

As my grandpapy once told me....... "You can't reel em in until you hook em".

2

I like people, and have an additional bias towards female people.
To me long term does not simply imply living with a long term sexual partner. I like all my friendships, sexual or otherwise, to be long term. Therefore I would choose every option were I dating.
I am still in contact with friends, many of whom had sex with me, dating from fifty years ago. To my mind, one needs to like someone in order to desire sex with them ( drunkeness perhaps excepted! )
If you like someone, stay friends, even if you no longer sleep together. I feel that only overly possessive people have difficulty with this philosophy.

1

Id be much more likely to contact someone who is open to a variety of relationship styles. I don't want to audition for someones predefined criteria about exactly what they claim they want/expect. (How many of us claim to want one thing, but end up realizing we were completely wrong?)

If im interested in talking to someone, id like to just see what develops. Could be any of those things you mentioned, or nothing at all. No reason whatsoever for me to limit myself, the other person shouldnt need to either.

@MissKathleen if youre saying that people having overly fussy criteria about what they believe they want, is a part of why online dating is so disappointing for so many, id agree.

@Burner I am done with online dating. I have many friends here on Agnostic, male and female. I have been meeting people through Meetup.com groups. Plenty of people. Interesting people. Also shallow people. I choose who I want to get to know better.

5

Only HE can answer your questions from his viewpoint. Our responses are only speculation.

My personal view is that some people have "hook-ups" while searching for a keeper. And every now and then, a hook-up becomes a keeper. I have no problem with the concept.

You really got a point here : only him can answer...

2

I agree -hookups are hookups -been there years ago/done that. Not any more. Men are strange creatures. Totally baffled about some of them. Some can prove themselves to be very shallow. Going to try to avoid those from here on out.

@MissKathleen I don't. I am living for the moment and I had a moment last night. Unfortunately reality of shallowness in someone arose. Not attractive to me today. Sometimes we are in different places in life. What does that mean to you? I see ageism.

I would love to include hook-ups in my repertoire but I've never been able to make one happen.

Good luck!

1

The only way to know what he meant is to ask him. What other people think is irrelevant.

skado Level 9 Jan 12, 2020
3

He's open to anything. Why should he alter his profile go only attract a certain type, if hes not only interested in a certain type?

@MissKathleen You are indeed curious! 🤣🤣

@MissKathleen How curious! 🤣

4

I just assume he's open to something long term, but isn't opposed to something uncommitted in the meantime. I have a friend who, when between relationships, feels like he eventually needs to have sex and will look for a no-strings hookup. I've never felt that buildup myself, so I can't describe it, but I know it's something many men and women express — that going too long without partnered sex makes them antsy, anxious, unfocused, etc., but when in a relationship it's not a problem because they're having sex with regularity.

A pretty accurate description of the majority - even those who are loth to admit it for "social morality" reasond.

3

He is open to anything . He would like to meet any woman.

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