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Why are people so afraid of using their real name? Why do so many hide behind nom-de-plumes?

rogerbenham 8 Jan 14
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1

It is too too easy to be hunted down by those you do not want to deal with or know!

You are probably right. I guess I hope for a better world.

0

Do you mean on here? I just couldn't think of something cute, and now it's too late.....

Actually not! I commented to someone two weeks ago how I was glad to see her using a real name and she promptly changed it.

2

I'm pro-choice, anti-gun, and anti-fascist - and I'm outspoken. There are people that genuinely hate me for that. Sometimes I wish I had not used my real name on Facebook. But I also know that using my real name and real face contribute a lot to my credibility.

There might be a few hate me for running as a Green candidate against their choice. Certainly there is one biker I know who does. But on the other hand a lot of straight and even military types respect me for standing and speaking well The Christians never tire of hoping to "Save" me but most are friendly to me. I guess one picks one's community. I did.

2

Lucy_Fehr's comment pretty much covers it for me. I joined FB as a way to be more connected to family back east. It was FB where I saw an ad for agnostic.com but knowing nothing about the site I took precautions. I share my real name with folks i message with.

I call Facebook Wastelook. I post to it but try hard to never look at it and I don't do Facebook Likes. It used to suck my day away from me. Now this site does! But I've got the flu and it's too cold to be outside for long.

@rogerbenham Hope you're feeling better soon. FB nor this site has ever sucked my day away. I choose to be sucked in but only occasionally when the eather is the pits. 🙂

@silverotter11 I have a lot of friends on FB and they chat a lot. It is easy to be drawn in. I found life is fine without involvement. Maybe it is like TV. I stopped having one in '79 because I realised that I was quite content watching stuff that did not interest me at all. Within a week it will be close to 0C and I should be better and can do other things.

1

Repercussions most likely

Too many people live in fear.

@rogerbenham Fear that is often justified.

I joined this site using my real name and switched to this one because I thought it was clever and after hearing horror stories from others who lost their jobs or suffered some other harassment over their lack of belief, decided discretion was the better part of valor.

When I lived in a big city, I had anti religion stickers on my truck which was repeatedly vandalized at work. When I asked for camera footage of the parking area, I was asked why I put things on there that I knew would piss people off. I fought and fought and fought on behalf of my disbelief to no avail so when I moved to a conservative area, you bet your bippy I took that shit off my truck

I do not pretend to be religious and many people do know about me and my facebook page where I am using my real name proclaims me as humanist but I am not at all fearful; I just do not want the hassle and fight.

As for people who ARE afraid I say so what? Who are we to decide how others should live their lives? Who are we to decide that someone should reveal their real name anywhere? Or their atheism? Or their underwear size? Or any other info they do not wish to put on the internet?

@Lucy_Fehr Great reply! I guess my comment about fear comes from Michael Moore's movie "Bowling for Columbine" but also the fears being expressed here. I live in a very happy, friendly community. People smile and wave at each other. Hug if they know better. There is a strong hippie community here and we are all accepting. I know that I could not enter the States without fearing people had guns on them. Not a world I'd choose.
Gays are pretty open here. Religion is mostly left to the Dutch crowd. They like building new churches for some weird new definition. The rest of us don't care.

1

Why not.!!!

Simple too many out there that mean harm, so why give them fodder to bother you, harass, and possibly find your location, make it too easy to hurt you and possibly your family and friends???

I'd rather not live with such fear.

@rogerbenham Then DON'T.

@Zster I don't!

1

To each their own! I used my first name and the first 3 letters of my last name, just wanted to be real with everyone here!

Good for you but golly the comments that I'm getting to this post seem to be urging me to fake myself.

@rogerbenham If you want to use your real name do it.

If you don't then don't but do not try to shame others into making the same choices as you when they do not have the same circumstances as you

@rogerbenham - Essentially, correct.

I would posit that is less about "faking" yourself and more about taking reasonable precautions to safeguard your personal information as an online risk mitigation. No one is saying that you have to pretend to be something you are not (do you reasonably believe that I am actually a cat?).

It is reasonable to wear a seat belt. It is reasonable to lock your front door. It is reasonable to use aliases in an online world.

If you feel differently, no one will stop you.

@LatentumCattus Dear Cat, Thank you for your kind words of advice. I'll leave the issue of locks alone. Do you find yourself constantly wondering what key fits what lock?
Now a seatbelt around a cat would be fun to see. Poor pussie.

@rogerbenham - You are not without a wry and fine sense of humor; that brought a smile to my face.

RE: keys in locks - actually, no. I work hard at minimizing the things that require locks. But what reasonably requires a lock has a lock. Too much "safety" is just as dangerous as none at all.

Cats and harnesses are not a fine mix, this is very true!!

@LatentumCattus Yes well I'm sure heaps has to do with where you live. It is going to be one of my many next summer tasks (got a collection of round to-its you can spare) to sort through all the keys, padlocks,doors etc.

@rogerbenham - Well, yes, agreed. There is a big difference between living in NYC and a small town or rural area. One would be surprised how little it takes to actually feel secure in NYC. Mostly common sense things.

Regrettably, I have no round toits that I can spare; I need them all to keep my procrastinator well-tuned and running smoothly! 🙂

@LatentumCattus I once lived in London UK for 4-1/2 years I had a variety of flats, the best being sharing with six young nurses. Then to Vancouver for three and so on down until my nearest neighbour was 3 miles. I look back on cities as constant rush "Everyone running as fast as they could to stay in the same place" as Lewis Carroll put it.
Do most people carry concealed guns?

@rogerbenham - LOL, the 'New York Minute', everybody rushes to wait!

I enjoy the hustle of citylife; it's not for everyone, this is true.

Hmmmm... do most people carry concealed guns? Is this a trick question? If the guns are concealed, how would I know???

Seriously, though, I believe that most people do NOT carry in NYC. Put aside cops and merchants of high-value product (jewelers, for instance) and exceptions like that, I have never seen a gun here.

I'm sure some people do carry, but the amount of gun play for a city with over eight million people is statistically very low.

I personally have never seen the need. I don't know of anyone who has ever seen the need. And those people have never told me they know people who do. That's three degrees of separation in my circles.

I'd have to say no, concealed weapons are not really a thing here.

@LatentumCattus The RCMP called me in to their office in a tiny Rocky Mountain community and insisted that I buy guns because I had a small child and a wife living in Grizzly Bear country. I was to carry one all the time. I did until I met an adult male Black bear standing on its hind legs facing me at 6 feet. We both freaked. I had a Winchester 30-30 in my hands. Thank goodness I did not think of using it. We parted frightened out of our wits. I never bothered carrying a gun again. Just after I came between a mama and three cubs.
I do not bother with bells or noise makers. It is their country, not mine.

@rogerbenham - Nearly killed by too much nature, eh?

Perhaps it's hyperbole, but I'd die without room service. But I'm quite the shallow critter.

@LatentumCattus I can sort of relate. My bed was made for me right through to the end of my first degree. I grew up with maid service. Servants. But I threw all of that away 45 years ago and started living off the grid remotely in 1980. I have no regrets.
No nature empowers me. Maybe I radiate love. I certainly receive it.

@rogerbenham - Well, certainly you were graced with luck when mama bear didn't tear you to shreds. Timothy Treadwell only made one mistake, but one was all it took.

We don't get much of that sort of thing in Manhattan, gotta say.

Living without regret is a cherished thing; that you have it is great! While I fully embrace the grid (and the good and the bad that comes with it), I knowingly do it and do not regret it.

Here's to living Without Regrets!

@LatentumCattus Well I've lived with bears around since 1980. I have even throw rocks at them.

In about 1975 I met three guys in a Vancouver pub. I later described them to the head of the downtown Jail where I was doing consulting engineering. He told me that I was lucky (I had told the 3 to lay because I was a Narc) as those were the most dangerous type they ever dealt with. Wild animals in human form. I have no doubt that you have some not far from where you live and work. I'll prefer my bears and moose anyday. Moose are our most dangerous and I've been chased by one three times.

@rogerbenham - Sometimes I wonder, just generally, exactly how close any of us come to that one stroke of getting that ticket punched and never even know it.

Sure, NYC has its "dangerous wildlife" in that regard - crime does happen. Similarly to being familiar with an outdoor setting and knowing how things work in that environment, so too is it for living in NYC.

If I get that hincky feeling that someone just doesn't look "right", I move myself out of harms way. I defer to Dr. Pasteur's line, "Chance favors the prepared mind."

Oh, and I do take pains not to throw rocks at them...

@LatentumCattus Yes, I didn't hang around. Sadly a few days later they caught one of my friends and cartwheeled him down a few blocks. Nothing broken except quite a lot of skin. He recovered. We stopped going to that pub.
A biker gang comes up here for an annual party on their frigging Harleys. I steer clear.
I'd not be safe in Florida.

1

You haven’t been around much, have you...

A few of us have engaged the enemy, they are spiteful and dangerous.

Varn Level 8 Jan 15, 2020

How do you know who they are? How bad can they get? So far I have been blocked once.

@rogerbenham The world is larger than this place.. ..but this place connects with that world.

1

Privacy. Some people have common or generic names. Mine is not one of those. Once someone has my first name and anything else about me, my life is an open book. I don't prefer to have everyone know everything about me, only people I choose. That's my excuse.

lerlo Level 8 Jan 15, 2020

Fair enough though I guess that I don't care. But I live a very long way from big cities. If I chose to go due North I'd cross a few logging roads and after 1000 kms the Alaska Highway and then keeping going eventually I'd reach the North Pole.

@rogerbenham where I'm sure Santa has a computer and can check your references 🙂

@lerlo Oh good. So I will not need a passport? Well I'll still be in Canada won't I?
How does he get his power? Can he use the thermal difference between the Equator and the pole?
You know that Pooh Bear found the pole?

1

There is a wonderful book called "The Art of Deception" by Kevin Mitnick (who was once described by a prosecuting attorney as being such a good hacker that he could "start a nuclear war by whistling into a phone", lol). It came out in 2001, so is a bit dated on the tech side, but the general principles remain the same.

The data about 'you' is valuable to others for many reasons - and while personal circumstances vary (you may very well feel you have nothing to lose), the value of your data remains the same.

As others have pointed out, women may wish to keep their info private for safety reasons, especially on dating sites. Generally, identity theft is a good reason to remain anonymous. Voter fraud, quit-claiming properties by researching public records, messy divorce hacks, influencing polls, using data to commit crimes in the name of the victim, the list goes on and on.

And there is very little that someone needs to know about you to start putting the pieces together. A first name and a last name and a location may be enough to start with public records (property, voting, marriage, lawsuits) which can lead to other bits (birth records, family information, mother's maiden name, schools attended) - and please note that my third tier here includes information commonly associated with so-called "security" questions.

It may not be worth it to you to remain anonymous. It's your choice. But if you wanted to know why people are cagey with their info, this is a good start.

In the end, it's all about risk and threat mitigation. A lot of private businesses and banks do a surprisingly good job at heading these threats off at the pass, but a good netizen should not rely solely on the vigilance of others - not a criticism, just sayin'.

Thanks, an excellent reply though rather depressing as it is a comment on the age we live in.

I gave up on being too secretive when I was secretary of the Green Party of Canada because I felt it certain that the RCMP and possibly the CIA would be watching us in case we proved to be troublesome. Evidence at the time came when senior members entered the USA they would often be detained for a time.
I gave up hiding in a computer when I realised how easy it can be to access another's computer.
I am right out in the open, known by masses and I possess nothing of value.
What is quit-claiming properties?
But what you describe may well be the world that we live in but it has become a horrible world in that case. I guess I do not want to understand the criminal mind.

@rogerbenham - Thank you. I'm glad you found my post useful.

"Quit Claiming" - in a nutshell, it is the process whereby the owner of a piece of property would 'quit' their claim on the property. It is a legitimate legal process used for transferring real property from one party to another, often with no financial consideration. From a parent to a child, for instance.

There was a spate of nasty hacks about twenty years ago when spurious and unsavory characters would dig up details on properties and, posing as the owner file a quit-claim with the county clerk to assign the property to (you guessed it) the person filing the false claim. They would then flip the property as quickly as possible, sometimes even underselling, cash out and disappear.

It is more difficult to do this now (at least in the US).

However, there endless variations to this. Your info can be used to get at your family members, too - so even if you, personally, have nothing of significant value to protect, perhaps a child or sibling might.

The world we live in is no more or less horrible than before - the tools used by those who commit crimes has changed, is all.

Think of internet anonymity in physical terms, you do still lock the door to where you live, right? Same deal here, keep your info locked.

1

Don’t know that generally they do, do they? And for those that do, I doubt Elton John would have been so successful as Reg Dwight or Cliff Richard as Harry Webb.

The list goes on.

Maybe for some people it is like creating an alter ego where they can be someone else.

2

First rule of Fight Club, you never talk about Fight Club.

I do not understand but I guess that you are saying I should not ask the question. On much of the internet I see people using false names so that they can be rude.

@rogerbenham yeah I'm not one of them. The quote I said is from movie Fight Club, its kind of fitting here. Anyway, most people explained why the "user name" already, keeps anonymity, and privacy in an ever changing/dangerous internet.

1

I am in business and a lot of my customers and suppliers are theist, but I retire soon, and had thought of using my real name, But the trouble with that is, I would then have to start all over again. You also have to remember that unlike the UK and BC not every part of the world is as tolerant of sceptics, in some places being out as one could get you real abuse. I know of some who have had their windows smashed and dog shit in the letter box.

Wow, so sad. I have returned to England in 1980, 1990, 1995 and briefly in 1998 when I toured a few folk clubs near Henley In '80 I largely was with my then woman's parents and it was horrible. '90 and '95 were 10 month visits but I lived in the back of my pick-up and spent nights tucked away into woodland or deserted lakes, parking areas. I had very little contact with cities and just food etc with small towns. I loved the deserted NW corner of Scotland and the west coast of Eire. I'm sorry but for the most part I found the people miserable or arrogant. Yes they were more dour in Scotland and closest to being happy in the West of Eire. A line from Bristol to Newcastle I found those on the East of the line the most depressing particularly in the home counties. I got along really well with the true Welsh in central Wales.
There always was racism rampant in Britain and there were plenty of places not to wander about at night.
Sorry, it s my birth country. Buckinghamshire.

@rogerbenham Yep, we make a hobby out of being miserable and arrogant. You are a lot better of in Canada. I live almost exactly on your Bristol to Newcastle line, but in a quite corner, so it is not too bad.

@Fernapple I had a 5 miles to the inch map of Britain and I could identify woodland and places off the road. I called them islands and I stayed in many such always just one night. The police had me on their radar and frequently would chat. I grew to realise that they were lonely. Anyway there were lots of those places Ease of the line it just got harder close to big cities. My brother lives in Bristol.

1

Various reasons my first name is me

bobwjr Level 10 Jan 14, 2020
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I have my reasons but I'm betting Samuel Clemens expressed them much more eloquently than I could ever hope to. Try asking him.

1of5 Level 8 Jan 14, 2020

That's fine but I have no idea who he is. Did he get into serious trouble using his real name?

@rogerbenham Mark Twain.

@WilliamFleming OK sorry, it was ringing a bell but very softly.
Saki andJane Austen used a male name I think. Certainly the Bronte sisters.

@rogerbenham the point was that it's not a new phenomenon, and some of us find it freeing to shed a label we wear all the time.

1

I can understand that many people want to retain privacy for various personal reasons and I respect that. In my case I am old and retired and don’t give a damn what anyone thinks of me. I do think using your real name lends a sense of legitimacy. I know of one guy on a different forum who signs off with his complete name, email address and city.

If everyone did that maybe we’d be more polite.

Me too. Old and retired.

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I"m not really worried about why people choose the name that they chcoose.

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It's not so much nom-de plumes as avatars. Noms des plumes set expectations to smartly written words and exiting arguments.

I had to look that word up.
Avatar = A hybrid human-alien

So do you mean that it is used so that you can pretend to be someone else? I live in the world of honesty and have learned that the only thing of value is love. So that's where I want to be.

@rogerbenham Oh good. You look up words you don't know. Commendable!

@Spinliesel "I was brung up dat way". I even have an Oxford accent. Splendid, what?

@rogerbenham Indeed! Oxford English was my school's goal for all her students, but Elvis Presley and Buddy Holly intervened.

@Spinliesel And I despaired when I met Pink Floyd at my university. "Year man, wa a drag" Of course I knew nothing about drugs. There were only three on stage so I guess Syd was already bonkers. They were doing their first album. 1966. It wasn't until '74 I came across drugs but I'd already permanently damaged my hearing going to all their opening night concerts including DSOTM.

@rogerbenham Shall we continue this talk tomorrow? Good night.

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