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I am a recent widower and signed up on a dating site. Finally found a woman I really liked. We talked by phone for hours and hours but never touched on religion. My dating profile stated I was an Agnostic and hers said Christian. After a long planned meet up we finally met.. Disaster!! When I stated that I had quit believing in God about the same time as I found out there was no Santa Claus she said that her family prayed before meals and she went to church on Sunday. No problem for me since she was Christian but, well, the opposite wasn't true. After a 375 mile drive each way I learned a valuable lesson. Ask a person if they know what an agnostic is. Most don't. Maybe I should get some cards printed up with the definition of Agnostic on them!

tymtravler 6 Jan 21
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70 comments (26 - 50)

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3

Xians often see agnostics as someone who might still be saved. After all, they're only claiming uncertainty, not disbelief. That your uncertainty was a dealbreaker for her suggests she was too hardline about her beliefs. I'm surprised this never came out in those hours and hours spent talking to each other over the phone.

Yeah, Christians look at agnosticism as religion is probably true instead of acknowleding you can be 99% sure it’s not and agnostic. Which is why I prefer atheist when discussing so they are clear how unlikely I think their claims are true.

3

I find that looking for someone on here, where you can go back & see all their posts/replies, is Very helpful! On other, actual dating sites, you have to think about, say 5-10 things that are very important to you & ASK!

one way or another you have to ask questions up front if you want a more than casual relationship.

3

The Nicene Creed said in the catholic mass has the word Apostolic in it. Some might confuse that with Agnostic.

Yeah - a follower of the Agnostic Gospels.

3

Agnostic means Xstian Lite to most Christians.

Hmmm...really? Does that come from experience? I'm serious, I never heard it expressed Christian-lite. Or any other expression synonymous with that one.

@tymtravler I have seen a comfort level from Christiansthat treat it as you know but don’t accept it yet, just keep praying.

@tymtravler When your reality is Xstian based then your outlook is inclusive of all things being ruled by your Xstian god, agnostic is just someone who is a bit confused in the minds of many Xstians. My mother doesn't like the word Atheist because in her mind they have gone over to the Devil and are unlikely to be redeemed by her Lord and Savior, so she thinks of me as an Agnostic aka someone who is just confused about god but will possibly be saved in the end.
It's a Delusion but it is an all encompassing delusion that molds their world view. If you haven't heard the term Xstian Lite before well then - now you have. Use it whenever you like.

3

First, so sorry for your loss. I try to have the religion discussion very early to weed those who are hardcore. I wish you luck on your journey

Cinco Level 5 Jan 22, 2020

Those many hours on the phone were comforting given his recent loss.. it is so sad to explain to believers we Atheists often grieve more deeply without thoughts of an afterlife for loved ones or ourselves....prEying over food is quite insulting alleging one alleged baby gawd died temporarily one Palestinian weekend

3

It is better to find this out early.

3

When dealing with christians, it is pretty much a given that the vast majority of them are the type of people who do not seek out any form of knowledge, definitions, clarifications, facts . . . . because if they were that interested in learning new and diverse things, they would not be christians!

3

Sorry for your luck.
Live and learn.
Now, you know better for next time.
Good luck going forward.

2

Well, you got unlucky there. She's an unaccepting person. It's not about being Christian or not.

2

Non-religious and Agnostic are dodge words while Atheists leave no doubt about alleged gawds, alleged vaginal virgin birthing an alleged baby gawd or other miracles......my profile on all dating sites reads : " Atheist " and still religious women like my looks or intelligence or poetry.....I tell them I am a scientist that means NEVER A BELIEVER with beliefs....I have been this way like you since age 5 hating all the lies for Santa, boy bunnies laying candy eggs on dogshit lawns and drinking blood and eating geebush jeehobah ghostholes SKIN right off a crucifix

2

Whoa ! before I'd make that kind of drive, I would want to know a whole lot more.

But then, I suspect you got the lesson. Sorry to hear ...

2

It seems you weren't entirely forthcoming either. Agnostics acknowledge that we don't know whether or not gods exist. If you don't believe in god, you are an atheist. I don't hedge on that while I am agnostic because I don't know, what I believe makes me an atheist as well.

I've met many christians who are certain that an agnostic will "come to jesus" when they are "enlightened" by a true-believer. They don't see atheists in the same light.

JimG Level 8 Jan 22, 2020

Another one most people have to look up is what a deist is. Only thing that makes me unsure is how complicated the human body really is and the state of nature. I go back and forth between deism and agnostic.

Good point. My definition of Agnostic is that it's impossible to know whether a god exists or not. I like what Aristotle said, "I know I don't know".

@tymtravler I look at it as I'm agnostic because I don't know, and atheist because I don't believe.

@Fletch I can see the reason for your uncertainty, but while complicated the human body is also quite flawed.

@tymtravler That might be Socrates

2

I have had Christians disappear in the middle of a date after I told them that I was an atheist. They never read my whole profile. Just liked my ugly mug.

2

So what were the conversations about? I also started a distance relationship with my late partner over the phone. I had several things that needed to be settled and the first was moving back to my home city Dallass (no way), and then vegetarian and finally atheist. She passed all 3 within the first week. I was 53 and she 47 at the time. At our age we should know what we want and what works.

2

There's a common bond that the two of you let override your sensibility. Your emotional needs were your focus and you tried to fill a void. Hopefully in the future, you state your belief before you make any moves. It's important.

2

dating sites are a learning experience if you don't have failures you aren't doing it right and you learn to ask questions about what matters to you right away and just FYI its lots harder for men than women lots of bots and fake profiles or pay sites and the site itself creates them also lots of women who don't meet or act like they are holier than thou

I'm a woman seeking a man, and I'm routinely contacted by scammers on dating sites, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. They're all engineers with an oil company or working for the U.S. government, located in Dubai or on a Gulf Coast oil rig, they're widowed and have a young daughter who lives with her grandmother in his country of origin. They toss out copypasta about love and romance, god and heaven, and try to suck their marks into an infatuation. I've never been particularly romantic, and hate insincerity, so I haven't been able to keep them on the hook long enough to get to their play for money, but a couple have mixed me up with women they have further along in their scam, and they've sent screaming messages about how heartless she is to leave him stranded, away from his dying/hurt child. Sometimes, I play along for amusement, but usually I'm bitchy, blunt, and blocking.

@GinaMaria I'm a guy and I've had a few similar scammers. Those long copy & paste longing love messages & emails. Not sure if they're even women but they have women pics on their profile. I think most of them are in a warehouse somewhere in a big room with other scammers. I've gotten to where I can usually spot one with their first message.
I havent waited around for the actual scam yet. Once the entertainment wears off I'll take off and block before then. Its a jungle out there. Lol😁

@ronnie40356 me too I usually spot scammers right away the stories are too similar

2

That is very sad. Sometimes we all believe what we want to believe. Wishing you better outcomes in the future.

2

Sorry to hear that!

2

Aww man dude. Sorry to hear that. Iys tough just to get a conversation with a girl these days. I'm sorry for that crazy disaster.

1

Yeah, but are you Fundamentalist Agnostic, or Easter Orthodox Agnostic?

False leading question....he posted he is a loving Atheist with a cancer patient wife .... are you a @RickyGervais Agnostic Atheist both ? All this presumes gawd gott gods are actual words instead of the reality THERE IS NO SUCH thing as geebush jeehobah ghostholes triune alleged deity/ies ....it is all GIBBERISH capitalized or not....uttering sounds does not speak an alleged thing into existence....that is the first fiction of Genesis 1:1

1

I'm sorry. That is rough.

1

You should not totally beat up on yourself. It was her obligation to at least mention religion was important.

She led you on.

1

Meaningful connection but don’t compromise your beliefs. It will cause more pain in the future.

1

Sorry about the disappointment. I am a widow who had a husband who share my non beliefs an political views. It was a great marriage to truly kind man. I do understand your want for a mean

1

I am genuinely surprised how much of a deal breaker being a atheist appears to be. I have never even dated a atheist. My beliefs only killed a potential date once. Catholic, Buddhist, Sunni Muslim we were just fine. I think the drawback to the online dating is that it is a negotiated meeting. Hence, questions are asked, profiles reviewed the basic job interview. The women I have been with, without exception, we spent time around each other before dating/intimacy. My takeaway is differences in faith and politics are heavy subjects to overcome in the absence of actually spending time around each other. I never tried to convert a partner and neither did they.

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